Spent far too long thinking about it, it must be time soon; I used to believe drowning was the way, I used to live by the sea; there were a couple of navigation buoys out across the bay with flashing red lights on them which were out of sync but would flash in unison occasionally, I spent a long time at night sitting on the pier watching them wishing I had the courage to jump into the cold inviting water and die. I’m not there now, in the city instead, suppose there’s the Thames but somehow it’s not the same, there’d be a crowd watching […]
Tag:
night
One day I woke up, and things just weren’t quite right.
I hid from the windows and their bright shining light.
In darkness I sat there, refusing to bite,
On the food set before me, a former delight.
All senses seemed muted, though they left with a fight.
My thoughts they weighed heavy, on my mind into night.
Nightmares and dreams snares, woke me with a fright.
Went searching for meaning, but was nowhere in sight.
Nothing is sacred, this just can’t be life.
Use the ledge at the ball park, one day I […]
I never knew about this website, but I’m glad that I came across it. The thoughts in my head have been getting worse and worse, but I keep trying to push through. Sometimes, it’s just easier to think “what would it be like if I were dead?” It all stared when I was just 11 years old. Here I am, 21 years old, and still fighting. When I was 11, life literally SUCKED. I attended a private school, and it’s true, the kids who go to school there are complete and total BITCHES. Just in 6th grade, I was bullied non stop. I was told […]
Alone with her thoughts
Alone in her room
Little did she know
Her story would end soon
No more sadness
No more pain
No more purging
To stop the gain
She sees her body
She hates each mark
Can’t stand the sight
So she lays in the dark
She cries in the night
And finds her blade
She thinks of every
Mistake she’s made
She begins to think
She’s better off dead
The thought of being
Rushes through her head
She grabbed some pills
And a small red cup
She wanted to fall asleep
And never wake up
Empty the bottle
Down each pill
Soon she will be
Forever still
She was sad to go
But it was for the best
She got what she wanted
Eternal rest
I tried to overdose last night…well kinda I tripled the dosage your supposed to take of ibuprofen to see if that would rid the pain i constantly feel…it did though and made me feel good.
I was also called a slut by my best friend and L got pissed at me for taking so much ibuprofen he kept telling me i would die if i took that much and i told him i didn’t care he told me i needed help and threatened to tell my mom. He never did though which is good…i don’t enjoy my mom knowing the pain I’m going through. Also my […]
this night is going downhill.
OK so I was just and average 12 year old until I entered sixth grade and I had a crush on this boy Jonathon*. He knew I liked him so he started calling me ugly, fat,ect.  He also told me to go cut myself and die, so I did what he wanted I watched the blood go down my arm as I got weaker and weaker I stopped for my mom cause she threatened to put me in a mental  hospital,  so I stated to cut in nonnoticable places like legs ankles thighs.  So moving on to the beginning of this year.  I’m still twelve. […]
…then that’s what they’ll see.
I’ll paint pretty pictures on the walls around me
I’ll always be happy and make it look real.
It’s amazing how well you can hide how you feel.
I wrote that about 27 years ago, and nothing has changed. I still paint on my smile every day before walking out the door. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 10 years old (and perhaps before that as I’m fairly certain I was sexually abused and more than certain I was physically and mentall abused)…never understanding why I feel the way I do, or how everyone else always seems like they’re […]
Or God, maybe you’re the same thing…
Anyway,
Why do you do this to me? The lonely nights where you wish someone was there just to sit next to you and chat in the late hours of the night about nothing in particular. Just to get your mind off of what you want most – eternal sleep.
I have so much love to give and lately it’s been given in the wrong places. Maybe I’ve just come to accept it. That it’s going to be a part of my twisted life. But there’s something about this…like perhaps we were meant to be one day. I don’t know. I […]
Look! See the loverless boy. He watches the planes take off. Only in the dawn when the sun is low. Only in the night when the moon is bright. Oh loverless boy! Your eyes will see the world from space. You will sings the songs of a different race. Loverless boy why do you worry? This place is only temporary. You wanna love a another one but that one there is only human. You wanna hold her soul inside, you want your bodies to collide. Loverless boy remember your duty. Your mission is a bigger story. Go now back to see the planes. They’ll keep […]
Words mean nothing anymore
I guess I’m done with this war
realised there is no point anymore
Dear burning sensation in my heart
you fade with my emotions while we part
I just can’t save this
you caught me in this abyss
Drag me down dear agony
it’s what you do
burn me to the bone dear sorrow
where did you go, my new tomorrow
I see you death as you draw me near and haunt
my soul at night, the way you like to […]
I have been in such a deep depression for the past two years that i have relapsed on cutting and it got to the point where every other day i was thinking of different ways to kill myself. Finally one night it got so bad that i knew i would do something drastic if i didnt get help so i texted my friend that i live with. She was in the kitchen partying with her friends and i tried for an hour and a half to get her to come help because i couldn’t get the courage up to go out there. She wasn’t answering […]
Twice in the past week and three in the last couple of weeks I’ve talked myself out of suicide. I don’t understand why I can’t just do it. Everyone I thought were friends have decided they’re suddenly bored of me and won’t really speak to me and the one man who keeps telling me how he’s always going to be there for me hasn’t been lately. My family won’t believe I’m as unwell as I am because they don’t see mental illness as a legit ting. I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every single night.
I’m just tired.
I am so bloody happy. Life is beautiful.
I haven’t been on here for quite some time, and I’m here now to see if I can make friends, chat about philosophy, and help out a little.
Anyway, I thought a joyful post would be a be something different here.
Have a splendid day/night, darlings!
my dad and i got in a fight last night about my Spanish grade. i told him keeping my grades up is hard because i get stressed. he yelled at me for having a low tolerance for stress. he said to me back when i was a kid i can handle all you go through and more. but he never had to go through what i do. feeling worthless and stressed all the time, being picked on for being different, getting yelled at every night by a drunken asshole because he wants me to feel bad about myself. i used to like myself when i […]
I never thought I would end up on someplace like this. I never wanted to die before. But my life changed, and I did nothing to deserve any of it. I spend my while day asking, “Why me? What did I do?” My brother killed himself in front of me. And I loved him. He was my world I always looked up to him, but after a night of partying I guess he decided he couldn’t take it. And just like that, he was gone. I don’t want to live without him.
That was a year ago.
I thought I would get happy but I’m not. What’s […]
I didn’t think it was even possible to feel any more terrible than I did a week ago, but it is. It’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I’m just so exhausted all the time even though I sleep minimum 8 hours a night. I just hate this… I hate this so much… I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. No one. Why do I have to feel it? God, if you exist, why are you letting me feel like this? Why can’t you help me? Haven’t knocked me down far enough? Â Can I just please die now? I’m already more […]
I lay awake at night until the fatigue hits. My doctor has taken me off my sleeping medication. I beg my mom to let me take the pills that are left and she refuses. I think about awful thoughts when I lay awake. I think it will be better in the morning, but I know that’s false hope
I dreamt about you last night and I miss you so much it hurts. You are never coming back and it’s ripping me apart. I need you, or what you used to be. Have you not checked up on me in years because you fear I killed myself? I’m so so so sorry. I don’t have much to say, I really don’t feel well. All I can feel is the feeling of being stabbed constantly in my gut, the shakiness of my hands, the elevated heart beat and fast paced breathing. I don’t know what to do and if I had one wish granted […]
Isn’t it funny how I’m breaking to pieces, crying every night, cutting, puking, hating, dying, but no one notices. Not my parents, not my friends and not my siblings even though they ALL now how I feel, that I’m depressed, that I cut and that I have an eating disorder but, they all think I’m better and fine now. It’s like no one notices me. No one pays attention even though I can be so obvious. I’ve been depressed since I was 11. Wake up. I’m 15 now and no one has realized that I’m still the same. No wait that’s a lie. A teacher […]