I’ve been taking Saroquel for just under a week now.. i dream every night and they’re so vivid. It’s like i’m myself.. but a different branch? Like i’ll dream about things that are happening in my life, but i’m a different version of me in the dream. It’s weird. Anyone notice anything similar on it?
I did promise I wouldn’t abandon this place. I don’t know why I care so much about the people I’ve never met behind the stories I’ll never really know. I guess I just feel for you and your darkness. I wish I could take it because it seems so wasteful.
I am still very tired. Since my last post I’ve cycled through a few medications with no effect. I’ve found that I am not getting real sleep as I have some sort of growth in my head. I haven’t told my family I am on the verge of passing out at least 5 times a day […]
‘There once was a ghost of a boy who liked to live in the shadows, so he wouldn’t frighten people. His job was to wait for his sister, who was still alive. She wasn’t afraid of the dark because she knew that’s where her brother was. At night, when darkness came to her room, she would tell her brother about the day. She would remind him how the sun felt on his skin and what the air felt like to breathe, or how snow felt on his tongue. And that reminded her, that she was still alive.’
.
Please, […]
Pushing 50 and have discovered (though known all along) that work is all I am. I had two real goals in life: have a job I would do for free and marry my best friend. I got the great job and then really set out in pursuit of that best friend. Along the way, not only did I fail at goal #2, but I found I simply lost interest in life, thus losing my love for my current (or any other) job.
Today, at work, it has really been brought home to me how badly I’ve fallen down on things at work. I’ve had the means […]
Throughout my life I’ve been rather fearless but there are a couple of things that always scared me – death by suffocation or drowning and being burned to death. Maybe it’s the fact of having no control in the moment. Like being trapped in a burning car or having something heavy fall and being pinned to the ground, unable to breath or fight in any way.
But last night I had a dream. In this dream there were no circumstances or long, drawn out situations. Just the perception of burning; burning away all my useless flesh and taking my physical pain and disabilities away with it. […]
I was just wondering. Everytime I tell my closest friend (but this is my view of our friendship) what I am feeling, for example last night, I told him that I felt like complete shit and everyone would go along their merry ways if I die without even caring, he just says, ” If that’s what you think then okay.” And the subject stops there. He quickly jumps to another topic and I assume that he doesn’t really wanna hear what I have to say. I try not to get hurt by his words but I feel like it’s just one bigger proof that even […]
Hello…First and foremost, I sincerely apologise for having another post already. It is probably quite rude to post again so soon, but so far this isn’t a great night and I just need to talk to someone. Again, I apologise and realise that it is rather rude to post twice within one night.
So I got finished talking with Her, and she says that I should date my close friend mentioned in my other post from tonight. She says that my friend could give me the affection and attention I want, and she says she can’t provide either of those, even if she wanted to. I […]
“I swear I hear your voice, it’s driving me insane”
Some days are better than others. My bad days though, they shatter me. On my bad days it feels like somebody has opened up my chest, taken a handful of my heart, and ripped it out. Some days I don’t miss him, but when I do, my entire being misses him. He wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. I know.. how cliche right? Well it’s the truth. He knew how to handle me at my worst, he loved me unconditionally and wiped away all of my tears. He took it when I screamed […]
Suicide on prom night anyone? Lol
My life has sucked since a young age. I’ve cut since I was 11. that sucks. my dad always brought me down and my mom said i was a mistake. Every night I hear them scream at each other. My sisters and brother hate me and arent afraid to say it. Im bisexual and have homophobic parents i can never tell. i have 3 attempts but none have worked obviously. i need it to work..i can take my dads gun once i find the courage too. nobody cares..i really want this.
I’m not sure what I really expect anymore.
A couple months back, September to be specific, I found myself in a hole. You know it, the black abyss that you stare at day in and day out. The one that never seems to end. I had been looking into, getting lost in the darkness for too long. Years have past since I can actually remember being happy for a full 24hrs. It seems so surreal to even imagine I used to have fun.
Anyways, I tried to take my life. I really tried… pills, alcohol, the whole deal. Fortunately or unfortunately ( I haven’t decided […]
Today  I started cutting again (well actually last night). Its like I needed the pain again. Also I’ve researched about suicide methods. I really can’t handle what life requires me to do.
School sucks and I did something horrible that’s probably never gonna get fixed. Even though theres like 10 days left of school I really want it to be over. Maybe its just not for me. I hate being pressured to be something perfect
Does anyone else ever put themselves in risky situations in hopes that they might be killed? Like walking at night hoping to get ran over or stabbed, or going hiking in an unknown area and you’re inexperienced, driving in bad weather, or do some extreme sport or activity. Anything that puts you at risk, because you feel like it would be better to get in an “accident” instead of committing suicide, which has so much stigma attached to it.
I do this, I find myself not caring if something happens to me. A lot of times IÂ hope something happens to me.
I’m bored. And that’s bad. There’s a blade in my room, but I’m not even sure I’m ok enough to try to move it away. I think I’ll just leave it where it is. Another thing, even after actually getting a full night’s sleep, I’m still hearing someone call my name, and no one’s around me.
Every night I go to sleep hoping to not wake up in the morning. Suicidal thoughts cloud my head from the moment I wake up to the moment I go back to sleep. With perfect grades, my chances of securing decent employment are horrendous because my personality is incompatible with the corporate world. Now my grades are sinking because of the incessant mental pain. Chained to this accursed existence by mental slavery, I pray for an accident or terminal illness to kill me. It’s fruitless, of course, because a good god isn’t there. If god is evil, then I am doomed to suffer for all […]
This is going to be a long night , I already started cutting
what i just found out.. last night that ..
well like almost a month ago i got rapped.. by my used to be step dad. and then my neightbor was talking to my mom about it last night .
that he could have killed me..
if he didnt want anyone to find out about it.. it breaks my heart. for my mo to live in so much pain alone.. she still cant handle me getting rapped and then if he killed me ?.. my mom will be just left here alone. with no one helping her and her having nothing to do any more. my […]
Some don’t notice, some will ask, so I tell them its my past.
I cut I lie, at night I cry, sometimes I just want to die.
You say I’m suicidal, emo, a “freak†but society has just made me weak.
they don’t understand why we cut and cry they think we attention seek
but its really there fault they just don’t know that we’re hanging off a peak.
a cut a lie a cry at night, sometimes we just want to die, we try we try
oh yes we try to hide whats under our sleeves..
none will notice none will care they have […]
It seems as though I have been waiting so long for my life to end. I just manage to live through another day and then another night. It is my hope that each day will be the last. Each evening as I fall asleep I hope that I will not awaken.
I didn’t end up smoking last night.
I was strangely proud of myself.
Hasn’t been too bad of a week I suppose.
I’m trying to keep my stress levels low.
How are you guys doing?