I can’t just run away from my problems. I want to.. I was looking for an easy out.. A friend’s, a relative’s, maybe even trying to leave on my own and try to make it. But I can’t, I have to do this.. life, the hard way. I have to struggle, I have to fight, but I’m so tired, exhausted. I want to quit, I want more than anything to just leave everything behind, get to things and just go. But I can’t. I’m not stuck, I could do those things and run.. But I can’t. I have to work, claw, crawl, probably cry along […]
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no one
I am so sick of the lies in my life and the false hope that people keep feeding my already dead heart. Nothing is worth going down the endless road of life anymore. None of my friends talk to me anymore, they are just too busy to care about how I am doing anymore. I have so many issues with my health and head that no one should ever be able to love me or ever want to risk loving me. There are 7 billion other people in the world who are better off without me and the world doesn’t need my useless self taking up any space […]
As I feel closer and closer to the end i have a sense of happiness and excitement for some strange reason. I don’t know if it’s the thought of leaving everything behind and not having to suffer any longer or what awaits me on the other side. Last night I sat in my room looking at old family photos and it brought a smile to my face of all those happy memories but now so distant and forgotten. I’m just not cut out for this world never have and never will be, so what’s the problem in me just ending it all now? I have […]
I saw my doctor on Tuesday. He said he was worried about the episodes I’ve been having and said he was calling my psychiatrist to bring forward my appointment. I don’t want him to. I can’t see my psychiatrist anymore. She’s going to hurt me. She’s going to kill me. Why does no one see it? It couldn’t be more obvious. I need to tell someone; I need them to help me. But I don’t know who she’s got to. I don’t know who she’s brainwashed. I need help. Someone needs to get her away from me. She’s going to get me. She’s getting people […]
I have dealt with more pain than you think. You have no reason to judge me. The simple fact that you judge me proves that you are smaller and weaker than me. You can’t deal with the pain I’ve been through. Yeah you can say all you want about me, but it’s not gonna change what I believe and I believe in myself. I don’t need to believe in you or your friends or your family. I don’t have to listen to you or what you have to say. I am me for a reason and no one can change that. You can go fuck […]
I’m not sure why my 2 previous posts were deleted explaining my life story..
after days of endless sleep research and planning .. it is just a matter of time and when before I end it.if all goes well… I end peacefully I’m at a stage where I feel so numb and I just don’t care about anything or anyone. I don’t know how to explain this feeling of emptiness. I really don’t care for my existence anymore. On one hand I feel sorry for what I will put my parents and my brother through… But it’s not like they care much anyway .. […]
Not much to say other than I’ve totally lost it. I can do something about this, I could try again but I’ll only hurt people more. Tell no one and just go. Was I getting better? Probably. No it’s all gone to shit. Just want to curl up and shy away from everyone and everything. Nothing constructive from this just sadness.
I swear that even the fucking teachers here are trying to make my life miserable on purpose. The one time I actually find a place where I can sit at lunch where no one can mess with me I’m of fucking course not allowed to be there.
What is it like to just live? To just live a life where you don’t feel like everyone is watching you? Where no one gives a shit what you are doing, where you are going, who you are talking to, and how you are doing it? I really can’t remember. I honestly want to live in a cave underground with no windows and no doors and no light so that no one can see me ever. I want to not exist. I want to be alone so that I don’t hurt anyone. I want to never interact with anyone so that I don’t do anything […]
I feel so alone, no one to talk to, no one to understand. I am going insane with my resent brake up.. She left me for another man and had no same in saying she has slept with him multiple times already.. I can not face this pressure and anger building up inside of me. I am crazy about this girl and always will be, but she has just shut me off.. Can’t wait to die
It’s been a very long time since I have visited here. It’s been at least two months since I wrote anything here and since I felt this lost. Tonight however, was the first time in what feels like an eternity that I felt completely lost, alone, helpless, and like no one was ever going to be able to be trusted again.
You see, to understand you would have to know what it felt like to be living a type of Quintin Terentino movie that felt all too much like a dream but one that you could never wake up from. Add to that a movie […]
I am surrounded by darkness,
And no one gives a damn.
Even though all I show is kindness,
My insignificance shows for who I am.
I feel so alone.
No one beside me.
So far away from what is supposed to feel like home.
Unable to even see.
It’s like a disease I’m confined to,
Casting off my every reach;
Disabling me to undo,
My pathetic way of speech.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’ve been in bed all day . I feel absolutely nothing.
Except sadness . I wish I had people that loved me , friends .
Anything to make a light brighten inside me .
I can’t stay home any longer. I think I am going to go downtown and get coffee and see if people are playing music . I love it down there . In the arts district. People just play jazz on the streets. No one pays them any mind except me .
That’s how I feel. No one pays me any mind .
Today is hard . I wish my time was up.
Leaving is never easy.
It is rather hard.
And even though it may seem dreamy,
It can only make you scarred.
I’ll be missing me,
Even if no one else does.
Because exactly like at sea,
The wind blows just because.
It is sad,
Knowing I’ll be gone.
That’s why I must stay,
And live on.
I must endure the pain.
The journey is long,
But I think I can cut thorough the chains
Because to leave without a goodbye is wrong.
Not a goodbye to them,
But to me.
I deserve better
And to be free.
This morning I woke up crying and in physical pain from grief. There’s too much in my mind to write about it all, can’t even form a coherent organization to it all.
But the sick thing is, I woke up wondering if I should take the pills now or go to a thrift store that has 50% sale on saturday. So, basically, I want to buy clothing and then attempt to hurt or kill myself (unlikely, sadly, although maybe if I added vicodin to the mix- klonopin and vicodin are contraindicated) .
I spoke to my ex yesterday. It was good in ways, to know that she misses […]
hey sp im just here to say life is bullshit i tried my best to stay up but i keep going downhill i tried so many times topping myself never wrked ive dne alot of good but still get badluck for sme reason i got ppl who just act like they like me but its all fake i aint got no one im under anxiety but it get worse and worse when i take my meds i cry alot.Past few days ive been dwn want to leave this world asap. Im bored lonely depressed of life. Now im trying a differnt method of dieing starve […]
I want to know who thinks assisted suicide is right or wrong ?
In my opinion , I think if someone would like to die, then so be it . Some of us will never escape this darkness.
Instead of having a excruciatingly depressed life one can die. Now that seems more humane to me than keeping someone alive that suffers from so much pain .
I wish that ******** was legal here. I used to spend months online looking for countries that can ship it to the US. It’s almost $1000 dollars though and I don’t have that kind of money .
I’m ready to die. I […]
It’s been 9months since my husband took his life. I’m broken, shattered, unable to move on. I go through the motions of living but I still feel it was yesterday when I found him lifeless. I think about leaving everyday. I am hopeless and helpless, I have no one to talk to or anybody that can understand how this feels. Maybe today is the day I need to leave this realm…
She always felt like an outcast in her family and friends.
Mostly when she talks, its as if she’s talking to the wind. No one respond or indicate that they hear her.
She’s never been anyone’s first choice. Or second. Always the last resort.
People try to dictate what she should do in life.
She’s quiet and they thought her weird and dumb.
She’s alone. Even in the midst of people.
She’s lonely and no one dare to approach her.
She’s depress and no one care to help her.
She wants to die. The thought that lays beyond her laughter and smiles.
How sad her life is. If only there’s one person that might […]