Why the FUCK can’t my ex leave me alone? I check my cell after work to see if my mom called, and saw a voicemail. Naturally I thought it was my mom, calling to tell me that she was already there, waiting to pick me up. Nope. It was fucking Alex. This time he kept how he loved me, and he’s sorry for leaving me when I was ready to kill myself that night, and how he’s sorry for calling me a ***** ass ****. Then he started saying he loved me, and how it’s hard for him, and how he thought he should apologize […]
Tag:
normal
So I’m not ready to die yet, but I don’t feel much like dealing with life all the time. I just want to sleep all my free time away. I hate weekends, too much time to think. But my sleep cycle is completely normal, sadly (haha).
So I’ve been thinking of taking sleep aids to just force myself to sleep all day. I just want to eat and go back to bed on days I don’t have work or school. Breaks are unbearable… Somedays I can see friends, but not always, and being by myself just makes me think too much and I can’t stop […]
Can someone please explain to me why it’s ok for my ex to tell everyone he sees that he’s got a date coming up, but it’s wrong for me to say that a friend told me that I should consider thinking about the possibility of maybe dating again? I’m glad my ex has a date, maybe he’ll finally leave me alone, other than that, I don’t really care too much. What bugs me though, is after saying that I might CONSIDER thinking about dating, he throws a fit and says that I think he’s worthless, and I never cared and blah blah blah. Is it […]
I have so many issues I just can’t deal with anymore. I’m trying to get out of bed to live my life, but what’s the point? Everything seems daunting. I can’t sleep, eat, my memory is shot. I keep crying. I just need life to take it easy on me, to throw a bone for once. I feel selfish and terrible for obsessing over myself like this. I don’t know who to talk to, all my friends know I have bouts of depression but know nothing about attempts and cutting. I just want to be normal. Sorry everyone. Just needed to put that out there. […]
I am lost. I can’t find my way. I’ve been gone so long that I do not even know myself. I hurt constantly. My body aches with sadness. I am empty. I feel nothing but pain. All that I loved I feel absence. Feelings missing where I know they should go. Pushing through the motions to be normal. To appear sane. I don’t understand me, how do you think you can? I am a shell of a soul, eternally meant to suffer. I crave to feel again. Those moments never come. I am less and less a whole but filled with pain and sadness. I […]
You are the only reason I’m still alive, everyday I wake up for you. I wake up so that I can call you once more so that I can hear your soft voice, or your pissed off grunts in the morning when I awaken you from asleep that is so much more important then me. I’m crazy your crazy, but together we are we’ll not completely normal but less crazy. You are my light at the end of a dark long tunnel, if I didn’t have you I would have nothing. Your brown/red/blondish hair is beautiful and I love running my fingers through it and […]
So I guess I’m staying alive… For her. I told her about it and she started freaking out (which is normal) and made me promise I wouldn’t kill myself. What made me agree though, was that she started crying when she realized, if I did kill myself after the next band concert, we would have less than 10 days. And she doesn’t cry in front of people so that was a big gigantic sign that she cares. So I’m stayin’ alive
I am very alone in this crippling emptiness. Unfortunately, I don’t have it in me to take my own life, I know how brutal death is on normal people, I wouldn’t put them through it. How to live through depression and the lack of will to live? Is it possible?
I am scared, and confused.
I wonder why the voices won’t leave my head.
I hear them talking all around.
I see them when I try to sleep.
I want to get rid of them.
I am scared, and confused.
I pretend that they’re not there.
I feel their presences, it gives me chills.
I touch my mind to erase what I’ve seen.
I worry that they will be around me forever.
I cry because everyone thinks I’m crazy.
I am scared, and confused.
I understand that medicine won’t take them away.
I say that medicine doesn’t help to my doctors, but they don’t understand.
I dream […]
you try to act normal
you don’t want them to know
too ashamed to tell them
you don’t let it show
they think your happy
they think your fine
you try to keep it up
emotions walking the line
you don’t want anyone to ask
yet you wish someone would
you wish someone cared
you wish they could
she doesn’t like you
you don’t blame her though
you don’t like yourself
she still doesn’t know
when they find out
(cant keep it up much longer)
you give in to guilt and shame
and wish you were stronger
I felt fine almost all day. Somewhat normal, and able to handle things. Then I got home. Now I’m just extremely tired. I’m angry, at what I don’t know. I’m sad. I’m…me.
death I don’t fear life is a pain ive dragged on too long death I think I almost embrace it like its not something to be scared of I just wanna wrap my arms around it cause its a part of life I wouldn’t be missed so why not sped up the process and help death realize its dream to just kill me cause if it doesn’t I will kill myself like whats the point if u have no one every walks out of your life at the time u need it the most im tired of all the pain im afflicted by it hurts […]
This isn’t really how I feel NOW, but I wrote that earlier this week ’cause this is something I do a lot :
Bath time was over. It was enough. So I pulled the bathtub plug. Then the water started to go away, slowly. I didn’t really want this bath to end, so I stayed there waiting for the water to vanish. Then I started thinking about you. About how it was over and that I didn’t really want it to end. When the water was leaving me, I felt as insecure as I was when you first started to walk away. At first, it was […]
Nobody understands, I don’t understand it myself.
I don’t open up to anybody and don’t feel the need too, I think I can talk about my problems and work out my problems in my head and for a while, its worked. It worked up until this point, the point I realize I have absolutely nothing. Its taken me all these years, all those times when I thought I was better, All those pills prescribed for something that I didn’t quite understand myself, I just thought I was normal, being in touch with my feelings was normal, everything was normal.
To make matters worse, I started using drugs, […]
I’ve made too many stupid mistakes in my 26 years on this earth. There is no way for me to have a normal life any more. I got fired from my job of 8 years and now I cant get hired by any one. My wife works 10 hours a day and I am only working at a shitty temp job 20 hours a week. I feel like im not a man anymore. I just fucked up too many times and theres no way back. There are no second chances. Nothing will ever be the same. I dont feel suicidal yet but in the future […]
pretending to be normal is so exhausting. not to mention that I can’t sleep, and haven’t for three days. wish I could sleep. Things might be a little better if I could.
Every day I go threw the same thing, constantly being picked on and being asked things like “Why can’t you be like everyone else?” or “Why can you just be normal?” or “Get over it you have no reason to feel bad.”
But I don’t want to be normal, or like everyone, and I do have reasons to feel bad… Every year I move some where new because of my parents money problems, I am all ways alone and forgotten about, and just wish to die sometimes…
I have tried cutting, but get caught before there is even a mark on me… I have tried using a […]
Dear ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’,
I’ve always hated you.  I’ve never trusted you with anything.  All you’ve ever done is beat and criticize me.  Hey mom, remember that time you accidentally threw me down the stairs when I was four?  Hey dad, do you remember that time I came back home from first grade one day and you started yelling and hitting me?  What about that time when I couldn’t go to school for a week in third grade because you burned my fucking arm?  You remember how making me scream in pain became a routine for you?  Do you both remember all those times you called me whore, […]
Wow, where to begin? I guess i can start off by saying this is not normal for me. Iv always been that girl that’s strong when nobody else is. Iv had straight As through high school and iv participated in a lot of sports and other activities. Iv been through many relationships, being dumped and doing the dumping. I lost the love of my life about 4 months ago, he was my rock, my support. He came into my life when things weren’t good at home, just when i was ready to say i couldn’t take it anymore.. the last 3 years iv depended on […]
this depression i cant get over. im almost 23 years old n life isnt life anymore. 10 years of this bullshit. numerous attempted suicides. july 5, 2012 i thought was it for me. i had taken 60+ pills. i just didnt care anymore. at one point i had it all. a job, school, living in my own apartment. today im jobless, living at home with my parents who could care less about my problems, and a single parent. that day i woke up and had completely given up on life. i remember the paramedics trying to talk to me. i was to drugged up for […]