I haven’t been on here in a while. I have had some up and downs. I’m thinking very strongly about this still. I’ve been seeing a counselor, I’m taking medication, I’ve done everything on my own to try and feel better, reach out… I will be sending my son to visit his dad in Aug. I think if by then I still feel the same, that will be the time to do it. I will have a few rough patches I know, things are still changing for me. Change can be good, and usually in my case, I’m ready for it when it comes around. I […]
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normal
im so scared of what i might do like i don’t wanna go to school anymore because i keep getting beat up and i don’t wanna leave my house i don’t know whats outside and I’m scared something will happen! i just wanna cut even when I’m happy i wanna cut i should be dead? am i worthless? i just wanna get better but i also just wanna die! is this normal? am i normal? i don’t think can do this for much longer…
I don’t want to die. I don’t. I want a normal, happy life so bad. But I know that I will never have one. I’m 45, divorced, no children, unemployed for 2 years, My career is over. I live with my mom. I’m beyond lonely. Women won’t have anything to do with me. My money is gone. I wake up every morning scared to death. Any hope at salvaging a normal life is gone. I purchased a gun yesterday with the last money I had. God help me!! I’m so scared!!!!!
I just can’t cry.
I feel like I really need to inside, and maybe if I could it’d make things better.
I haven’t cried in months.
Is this normal?
I’m 21 and I’m already tired of this life. I don’t want to die..just want to disappear. I’m ready to give up everything I have, just to be in a better place. I started self harming last year. All these years, I was trying to be strong and pretending that I was normal after every shit that I’ve been through. Lying is more of a habit because nobody really wants to listen to your shit. Family still thinks that I’m fine and I’m scared to ask for help.
Day by day, I’m losing my sanity, cuts are getting more deeper and memories are fading.
Sometimes […]
An orange rots from the inside out. The outside may be in pristine condition, but upon cutting it open you may find nothing but mold.
Maybe that’s what’s been happening to my mind. My memory has been getting worse. My desire for life is diminishing even more, if that were possible. I’m starting to care less and less about the risk and consequence of my death. On the outside, however, I am as normal as can be to most people.
Yes, to most people. Other than the person who (sadly) saved me from death during my last attempt, most people involved had put it away, […]
Every Tuesday I sit in a therapy office and get told that as long as I take my medicine and think of all the positives I will be, “okay.” Dr. Herr looked at me one day and asked me something I’ve never really thought about before and it completely shattered me..”when were you last happy, when have you felt ‘normal’?”…The last time I woke up and wasn’t terrified to get out of bed and wasn’t so nervous about life tumbling down around me that I had a panic attack, was when I was locked up in a Psych ward. I tried to drown myself in […]
I need a friend or at least someone to talk too. The normal people I talk with are not trustable. Please I need someone soon. I’m so confused right now. Please I need someone…..
You were the only one I could really talk to. The only one I could tell when I wasn’t feeling alright. Only you don’t know that, you probably think it’s the opposite, that I don’t want to talk to you.
And now, you tell me you think I don’t even want to get better. Well, I don’t. Not really. I’m not cut out for it.
I would go right now but you’d probably find me.
I’ll do it tomorrow morning, when you’re out.
Don’t think it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I do, unconditionally. But this is how it’s meant to be.
I had 2 dreams last night. The […]
Today in 4th period I was fine, then all of a sudden I started getting really antsy and I got really nervous. I have no clue why, I asked my teacher if I could go to the nurse to take my medication (I don’t take medication) and she asked me if that’s where I was really going, obviously I said yes. But I went walking around and tried to calm myself, but instead I got angry. I started punching the walls and I started punching myself, I have no clue why. So for 45 mins I went walking, then I went back to class and […]
Do you ever feel yourself slipping back into the darkness and you try your hardest not to; you claw away at yourself and at everything around you in an attempt to stay sane.
You watch as all the things you care about become meaningless and things that once brought you happiness are now just chores, things you have to do in order to keep up the appearance that everything is normal.
Each time I battle these ‘demons’, eventually I find myself back in their company and the sick thing is, it’s like reuniting with an old friend.
I’ve been feeling like shit really for the past few months, and my friend called and asked if I wanted to hang out. Of course I said yes…
This morning started out normal for a Sunday morning (in my house at least) my older brother and his wife arguing, my older brother being a total dick… But I’m feeling a bit better, and I’m surprised that I haven’t cried yet. (it’s only 10AM so knock on wood)
I think… it really does make a difference having someone who actually cares around, sure my parents care but then again they let my demons follow me- and won’t let […]
so did anyone feel you are live in different world , i mean the way i think and the way other think is just different , i love random thing, i love weird thing, my curiosity is limitless i want to know more and more, but people around me just be like ” dude you are really weird, try be normal like the others , or you are so stupid and what are you doing is useless” and other thing like that , they are bullying me cause of that , iam not super smart or talented man, but i just want to be […]
ok so I am 14 years old and my whole life has been decided for me. What I mean is that my parents are controlling me and deciding my whole life and there is NO escape! It’s completely normal for all of this in the country I live in and 95% of the people from my country are the same but they just never complain and find it completely normal.. 🙁 some of my online friends told me “don’t worry you will be free once your 18” but no that’s not the case here. Here your parents will control you till you’re married (and they […]
I went to see my therapist a week ago. I told her I was starving myself, and that when I do eat something small, I purge. She looked at me and said I was fine. I don’t think I’m skinny enough anyways, but what bothered me was that she just glanced at me and in less than a minutes she decided I was fine. Is that normal for therapists to do? Or I am just exaggerating and I’m perfectly fine? My psychiatrist said the same. But everyday the first thing I do is weigh myself. I love seeing the number drop. I hate when it […]
I hate myself i’m so goddamn selfish why cant I be fucking normal and be able to socialize with ease like I used to? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck am I so goddamn lonely? Why the bloody hell do I isolate myself? I try so damn hard to radiate fucking positivity but I end up sadder than ever. I was so happy just a week ago. Now I’m sad. Again. I cant seem to get out of it this time. Again. I have no one. I am no one. I want to die. Why cant I just die? I wake […]
Hi there,
I spent the past 3 or 4 months feeling suicidal, I attempted 3 times, the last time being a month ago. I had to have my heart restarted and spent days in the hospital and days after that being seen by specialists. The thing is I was so certain I wanted to die and that if I didn’t succeed somehow I would try it again. I even put in my note that I would try it again and again until I succeeded. But something has changed, I can’t explain it, I don’t have suicidal urges anymore. I don’t even think about suicide… at least […]
Hi guys. So after living with my grandparents for a month, I thought my mom would finally cool off and be like a normal person you know. I came home on the Christmas Eve. She was fine. We hugged and she was normal and I started acting normal. I thought we were fine. The next day she was still fine. Then the third day she got irritated with everything I do again. The fourth day she didn’t even talk to me that much. Today is the fifth day which is 29 of December. She got angry over a small thing like why I never try […]
I feel that I have to hide a side of myself, that I have to pretend to be a person that I am not because it seems that society views people that suffer from a mental illness as being social outcasts, people that are dangerous or viewed as being weak.
It takes so much effort and energy just to exist. But, it seems that most people don’t see that effort as being enough. They don’t see that I’m giving 100% of myself to just be alive; they don’t see the daily struggle. To be a “normal” person I have to give so much more than 100%. It is entirely […]
It’s over. I lost the only one who was able to save me from my loss. I am definitely a monster I destroyed him and his life. I know he loved me, he cared about me, he was so good to me. I screwed up every thing.. I wish I could be another person, a normal person without depressed reactions. Want to die so hard right now. Please kill me..