I’m not perfect.I said that many times before but I can’t seem to grasp it.
My best friend is a shadow,I’m emotionally unstable,and seem to have bad luck every other day.
I have nothing else to do but try and cope.Wish me to break a leg.
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
i just wanna bawl my eyes out. No one will ever love me. How many anyone love me when i dont even love myself? This world is filled with so much pain, and sadness. It’s like you try to make things better but theres always some asshole bringing you down. I hope to live in a world where we all loved and care for each other. Not this counterfeit planet. There are just some days where i wanna do it, end it all. But i dont know what to do. I wanna die painlessly, so at least at my last breath i dont feel so […]
The mirrors scream at me
The walls abuse me
The doors restrain me
The darkness defines me
The mirrors show a face so tired
Filled with dreams that have been lost
The heart and soul they once admired
Is what my nightmares have come to cost
My hands are shaking as I stare
My legs are weak and there’s no air
Don’t you show me; don’t you dare
Don’t prove to me there’s nothing there
The walls close in and call my name
As vanity subsides […]
Any other people from the SF Bay Area? Looking to meet others who are also depressed. Email nothing.buta.dream2 (at) gmail (dot) com
Mum asked me today if I have any plans for next week.
No mum, nothing much.
Yes mum, I’m going to kill myself if you give me half a chance.
I want to comfort her in advance but she’d stop me.
I have to do this for myself…
Or die trying.
That’s the idea anyway.
I feel like I’m falling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss. I feel so alone, and undesirable. I am fully engrossed in nothing that I do, even though I appear to be. I want out but I cannot deal with how my family would take it. I feel guilty and ashamed for having these thoughts. I am worthless. I am never truly happy. I am never the first choice. I am nothing.
I need help. I don’t want to ask for it. Although I’ve been told I am spiralling downwards. My friends do not know how I feel. They fall for the façade that […]
I don’t know why I’m posting. I guess because I can’t share this with anyone else. But I have 4 more days to go. I’m both at peace and afraid. I’m afraid I’ll fail. I can think of nothing worse than failing. My method I hope is as foolproof as anything can be but then nothing is ever 100%. My plan is meticulous. But once it starts I cannot stop. Even best laid plans may be interrupted though and as long as I haven’t started I can delay it. I hope I don’t need to though.
I want so much to go through with it. I […]
There’s nothing interesting or worthwhile about my life. Heard the same old bullshit story over and over and I’m done. I really don’t care about the people who are my friends. Never had a real friend who understood me, and I’m way past trying to find one. Thanks to my childhood being raised by a clueless ***** mother who doesn’t know the first thing about seeing to a child’s healthy emotional/mental development, I don’t give a fuck about others. Whether or not I’m bored, I think about ending my life cause this one is just a waste of time.
Ppl always tell you you shouldn’t kill […]
Nothing gets better. It just changes. Yesterdays bloody wound is tomorrows festering infection. Nothing heals. Distractions fade and reality comes crushing down. It never ends.
this is the truth for all
God of this Universe is the one that is Accountable for the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE ON THIS GOD”S EARTH
we are NOT GUILTY OF NOTHING… MANKIND RACE IS SO NOT GUILTY … GODS ENERGY IS THE ONE THAT DID IT TO ALL OF US HERE. so if you commit sucide do not worry about nothing. One day I will be their also and I know for a fact that this Energy God knows who did what!!! ENERGY GOD DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if NOT for this Energy God NONE of us would Never have such a Evil Negative Life on this earth […]
Thursday.
Thursday 19th March 2015.
“Loving son and brother.”
Someone will call it. Time of death.
Someone will have to make that awful call. Your son is dead.
People will have to tell people.
Some will be sad.
Some will be relieved.
Some won’t know how to feel.
So many things that could go wrong.
Extremely durable leather belt could snap.
Steel bed frame could break.
Lack of oxygen to my brain might not kill me.
Nothing will go wrong.
End of the road.
Home stretch.
No words of persuasion, please.
If you were supposedly being fooled by everyone around you and only you were the one that was gawked at? What would you do if you felt as though your every thought, feeling, written or spoken statement, action, and the like were all being not just recorded by thouse trying to hurt you but judged as well? How is it that you would deal with the fact that at not quite 40 years old, you feel worn down, exhausted, used up, and spent? If you felt like your entire exsistance was spent on a completely uphill journey at full steam ahead and you were just […]
my mind really meant to me. I spent the majority of my teen and adolecent years concerned with how I looked, what I wore, who I spent time with and so on. My educaiton was never a really huge concern of mine (although I did care if I was able to get the higher marks on my sudies along with my peers) but I did okay as far as all of that went. Even into my 20’s I wasn’t as concerned with what I knew as much as I was with what I was doing at the time.
Now, here I am in my late […]
I’ll start by saying: wherever there’s hope, there’s disappointment…
I don’t know why I visited the place; I hadn’t been to the park for years…Since, probably, at least it is the latest I can remember, me and my girlfriend were little love-birds humping each-other in the toilets. It looked, smelt– felt the same, indeed, so much so that one can only call it, eccentric. Maybe it is the hopefulness the memories possessed that took me there– or maybe my sheer lack of recent-by recent I mean the last 4 years- memories urged me to find comfort in memories that once promised new ones. I really […]
2 hours ago I took 65 pills. Random pills. Nothing. I feel nothing.
I’m soaked back into that mood, that one that seems no matter where you are everything is pointless nothing to gain. Nothing ahead of yourself, nothing planned, nothing going as planned, and surely nothing I want is ahead of me. It’s like clock work of suicidal thoughts, it’s hits tremendously hard at times, then there’s the barable and okay. It’s amazing of how badly I can think myself into this, loneliness has to be one of the biggest things, right behind the uselessness of myself. It all just hurts and I need to get it out someway.
I was born in Surrey, British Columbia on an early spring morning. My mother, being accompanied by only her parents was resting from the harsh birth just hours prior. My mother was married just weeks prior to her admittance into the hospital and with some surprise, my father entered the room with another woman. He wasn’t one to stay with the same woman for long before he’d discard the relationship to move on. The first two years were hell, I was abandoned in my crib for elongated hours with nothing more than a sippy cup of apple juice. My biological parents were incapable of […]
I was 12. I fell for the first girl in my life. And I cried myself to sleep every night.
I was 20. Someone told me I was blessed that I should be envied by everyone. I just said nah. What was going on my mind was, which blessed one on earth will fear that she would die alone?
I am 25. This fear is just getting more and more real. And I still cry myself to sleep.
It’s not just the lack of romantic life that hurts. Not just being appreciated romantically by no one. But that you know your fate and you can’t escape from it. […]
I do it for the joy
it brings
because i”m a joy
full girl
because the world owes me
nothing
and we owe each other
the world
i do it because it”s the least i
can do
i do it cause i learned it
from you
i do it just because i
want to, because i want to
everything i do
is judged
they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
the bathroom mirror has
not budged
and the woman who lives there
can tell
the truth from the stuff they say
she looks me in
the eye
“would u prefer the easy way?
no, well ok then………………………………..dont cry”