Trying to kill myself was the best thing that could’ve happened. Because if I hadn’t tried to and if I hadn’t failed, I wouldn’t feel the urge to change how I felt and I wouldn’t have gone to Four Winds. It was tricky, I had just enough of the Nortatryptaline to go into coma but I just ended sleeping for a straight 48 hours. I then didn’t leave my house for an entire week and was drinking so much, I decided physical pain would have been the answer to everything. I cut the word help into my arm and cried myself to sleep that night. […]
Tag:
Observation
A week ago I had an intake with another mental health institution, because the therapy I have now at the moment won’t help me (the therapists told me after 6 months) and will end in a few weeks. Now I have therapy 5 days in a week from 9 am till 3 pm. The conclusion of the intake was that they think that a 24/7 therapy will help, but there’s a waiting list of 9 months for -.- . So they had the plan to observate me first, also 24/7, but another therapy. So in a few weeks I’ll have my intake for that 24/7 […]
I am new here. I attempted suicide about 3 weeks ago, twice in less than 24 hours. The first time I was found by my siblings who got into my house and the second time, I was found by the police. I ended up in the hospital unconscious for two days and spent a further day in a ward with old people, who were bed ridden. I was under constant observation, not even able to go to the toilet unattended. As a psychology student, it was one of the most degrading and humiliating experiences of my life. I felt so ashamed facing my family after […]
I read Splinter’s post http://suicideproject.org/2010/08/lets-face-it-were-all-evil-in-some-way/ which was brought to the fore and I cannot stop reading it over and over and over. And this person is gone after really fighting. After really doing the unimaginable. I sit here sad for various known reasons and the urge to do something is sitting there. But what in the hell am I supposed to do? I thought about writing a small thing about why people commit suicide. It would involve as much of the truth as I know. But i realize I get burnt out easily. If i start writing can I continue and finish? Would eyes […]
Is it weird that to me taking 40 advil for a headache seems reasonable even if you know it won’t work? I don’t see the big deal. It took me 59 to OD last time so 40 is nothing to worry about. Yet, no one believes me when I say I was not trying to hurt/ kill myself. Stupid people. They all know I don’t lie. I want to get better. It just struck me as something interesting to do. Why not try it? I handeled it fine and all of it was out of my system the next day during my psych appointment but […]
Let’s say you’re feeling like life is completely hopeless, and you just want to end it all. Some well-meaning person drops you off at the psych ward where you’re greeted with more pills, more doctors, and depressingly weak coffee (I’ve been there). There’s nothing terribly interesting to do, so you get bored. Maybe your new medications have terrible side effects. Maybe you get frustrated about being treated like a crazy person and you tell yourself, ‘I have sunk to a new low; I’m screwed’. You notice how odd it is that a facility designed to treat severely depressed people is so depressing.
Occasionally the doctors ask […]