taco bell bitches!!!! sorry im just really drunk and that makes me hungry.. and i dont have food here…and you guys are my friends now! this place needs an instant chat thing…okay goodnight! sweet dreams!
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okay
I don’t know how long it’s been since I posted something here, but it’s been some time…
I should probably start with ‘hi’. I felt the need to write something today. Not for any particular reason, I just want to write something.
Things are… Let’s go with okay. It’s been a lot of ups and downs recently. Let’s start with the ups:
I’ve moved on to a new area of education, left some friends behind, and made a few new ones. It’s all for the better, these new friends seem to be better people.
I ahould be starting counselling soon, which is good, because […]
* lame mushy relationship problem* I met a nice guy, genuinely true and honest and down right lovely, described by his friend as the ‘virginest virgin’. we’ve been closeish friends for a year, and a week ago we found out we both liked each other. we are both awkward. its been so awkward. he knows all about me, my depression, suicide attempts, self harm, anxiety attacks, being sexually abused as a toddler and then being used for sex by paedophiles at 13. (now 18, new guy is a few months younger than me) I told him I’m not ready for anything physical and he seems […]
No matter how hard I try to live on, I feel trapped. I don’t know what it is but I feel so trapped in life. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t like it. I hate this. Nothing is okay and it never gets better. If it does ever get better, it just goes back to shit. I can’t do this anymore. I’m giving up for the last time.
It’s omniscient to watch all the people close to you drift away. Those that keep yourself together move apart, they reveal all your cracks and damages. And who would want to be around damaged goods? Who has the time, the energy, the effort to give a damn. The world is not full of those who repair broken antiques and beauty. No one is willing or able at the same time to lend both their hands to hold a half of you in each. It doesn’t matter how penitent you are, no matter how generously you try, there isn’t much of a hope that someone will […]
I never though that I would honestly feel this way because I thought I would always be happy but I guess not. I always felt upset for some reason. Something would just happen that was happy it turned out to be upsetting when I thought of something different. I mean people would notice anything because they were to selfish and thinking about their stuck up lives and making a reason to make other people feel bad for them which I though was kinda stupid because other people are going through harder times which they don’t understand. I just want to go away that’s the easiest […]
Its hard.
Really hard.
Ever since I started to fuck up the only light that lead me out of that dark place.
Now that light is closer to me, though it feels a lot dimmer.
I fucked up. I fucked it up.
I killed it. I destroyed its own self and now im messing around with things i think I know to try and fix it.
I make the light dimmer.
I know i need to learn to be able to stand alone.
I can. Can I?
Is it really me all the time?
It is.. is it? I think it is..
Times have changed and the light […]
Things I hate about my depression.
I can’t focus at all.
Feeling really empty and guilty
The domino effect. Bad things happen after another because I decided to skip a day and just lay down.
The constant thought of dying.
The sudden panic attacks or just the feeling of being on the edge of a cliff. Just there. Not falling but not exactly okay. Then breaking down.
Even though I’ve thought of changing, my body won’t listen.
Can’t eat normally. Hungry but will feel uneasy after two to three bites.
Being blind to good things.
Anxiety, man…
Worst of all is that I made my mom disappointed at herself.
I appreciate my mom sending me inspirational […]
Okay, please don’t read this unless you are prepared to read a long winded story of my life. Many of you won’t understand and that’s okay.
The relevant part of this story starts in third grade. Back then, everything was bright and shiny, and death unthinkably far off. Sure, I knew it existed, but I never saw it up close. Then, my teacher died of cancer. I get scared, more than the other kids, for some reason. I tell my friends that they should be scared too, that we could die at any moment, and, like third graders, they don’t take me seriously. After a while, […]
Idk. Reading stuff like this seems to make me laugh sometimes. Hopefully it’ll help someone feel more okay today.
http://www.fmylife.com
I’m just going to go thanks I guess. I’m sorry
Around November, 2011, I met him. I was almost 12 (I’m 15 now), & he was 22.. I fucking fell for him so hard. I never even knew what it was like to be in love with someone, but goddamn I fucking knew that he was the one I wanted to be with. At first, we were okay with each other.. We met because he was my mom’s tattoo artist, & they happened to be really good friends. My mom had recently found out about me self-harming, so she introduced me to him, & told me that if I ever needed someone, I could go […]
I have bad anxiety and suffer from depression. I don’t know why God has chosen this life for me. I want out of this life but I know it’ll greatly impact the people around me. I worry mostly about my mom and my siblings because I know they’ll be affected the most. But I’m tired of taking everyone into consideration I’m not happy and I want out! I’m tired of waking up and faking a smile just to make other people think that I’m okay when I’m really suffering inside. Today I was going to drown myself and just as I get ready to step […]
What the hell makes you think it’s okay to try to talk me out of suicide?
by ismedyl
written by ismedyl
In what world do you feel what I feel? NONE. I feel pain in my subconscious at a cellular level this feeling does not leave me I carry it around all day all week all month and all year. You have no right to tell me I have something to live for what the fuck do you know you don’t know what I deal with… How I feel. I’m broken I tried putting myself back together but it took superglue and it’s barely together and it looks like shit because that’s what I feel like… Shit I’m a good person I give money to hobos […]
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel okay, I’m not insanely sad all the time, but I just really really want to kill myself. I don’t know why, but I just do.
I’ve left my fears behind. Now I’m purely fuelled my anger and sadness. I was never good enough for anyone, and that was okay with me because I didn’t need to be.No, correction. I was never good enough for YOU. You stupid, terrible parents that pushed me to my breaking point and every time I built something for myself, you would knock it down and then ask me why I couldn’t build anything. I didn’t want this life. Everything I did I did for you. Straight As. 4.5 GPA. Getting into one of the top schools in the world. Student council president. Swim team. Band. […]
Hi, does anyone have any advices how to cope trough another day? I am collapsing and my chronical pains have encreased lately. Every day is harder than the previous one. I feel so tired.
If you just have any tips how to cheer up, even for a little bit, I would appreciate if you could share them.
Thank you. Hope you are feeling okay today.
yup title says it all. swallowed 20 aprin i didnt even fucking cry i was shaking though after about 10 minutes i felt fine and went to school. when i got there i was already feeling sick so i laid my head on my friends lap. it hurt to move and talk i had no strength. i told him what i did but he didnt get the hint to go get the nurse.so me myself had to walk around school from my class i was in to the office to my locker back to the class to the office. didnt throw up untill […]