These days I am increasingly struggling to find a reason to keep going. Everytime I go outside I feel that everyone is looking and judging me, analysing my every awkward move. Walking on the pavement/sidewalk towards oncoming traffic is the worst as It just feels like a barrage of people staring at you, judging you. I hate thinking this way and I know its not rational, but I cant shake it, its like I am defined by my anxiety. Even when I succeed at something, theres always a voice saying I should have done better- endless quest for perfection? then what?  I think what is making […]
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Oncoming Traffic
I looked back on some of the things I had written and realized that they didn’t apply to the rules of this website. So I deleted them. Up to this point, this message doesn’t apply to the rules of this website, so I should delete it. Until now. I can not stop thinking about killing myself. It’s everywhere I turn, everywhere I look. Eating dinner…stab myself in the jugular with my steak knife. Riding to work…just swerve in front of the oncoming traffic. Going to sleep…maybe I should take all my sleeping pills. I can’t get away from it.
Ive decided to go get a rope tomorrow from the hardware shop instead of going to see my doctor. Everyday im getting worse, ive been on various types of antidepressants and they have all made me even more anxious and fucked up like i was on a pill or something. Im done trying to get better, I dont give a fuck about what happens to me anymore. Ive got a bunch of pills i plan on dropping with some alcohole before i jump.
My options are as follows :
ramming my car into a tree at high speed
taking all of these pills […]
All I ever wanted was to be excepted, I made friends with some of the cooler kids, got a girlfriend, got a car, but it’s all gone now. People change, my girlfriend cheated on me, and I wrecked my car (douche bag shouldn’t have turned out in front of me…). I decided to follow in my fathers footsteps and become a welder to make him proud, maybe he’d except me, but he never did… He thinks that I’m just some dumb kid who breaks the law, just like every adult thinks. I used to hangout with my girl, or my boys on a Friday night, […]
i can’t seem to put into words exactly how i feel. I’m 26 and alone. Grade A (or F) loser. No car, job, friends. I have no drivers license. I’ve never had one. Had a girlfriend once. Only person I opened up to, but still withheld a lot. Wasn’t very ambitious in life. Don’t blame her for leaving me. Spent most of my life in a haze it seems. Ready to die may do it this weekend. Tried killing myself seven months ago by charcoal burning. Room got to hot and I blacked out woke up outside of hotel room. Felt stupid and even worse […]