I hate it when people argue about me. No matter where I go, people argue about me being alright. I admit that I’m not, but I can’t tell anyone that. I don’t want to bother them. My problems, rather my opinions never really mattered to anyone. I know others might say otherwise, but in reality as humans we refuse to accept others opinions rather than our own. No matter how good-natured you claim to be or how open-minded you are, the fact that an idea, a thought different or similar to yours, stirs up negative emotions, whether you admit or not. That hole in your […]
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Sometimes I wonder what the point of all of this is? When those thoughts start running through my mind I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if I ended it all. However, I don’t want to hurt the small amount of people that actually care about me which is why I haven’t and probably wont ever do it. It’s still depressing to have all of these thoughts. I really wish I didn’t. On some level I feel guilty and I feel like maybe I’m taking everything for granted. Compared to others my life is pretty normal I suppose. At least now it […]
Hello. I’m Bella. I’m 15 years old and I know what it’s like to go through depression. I want to help people that went through it too. Mine was from loosing my best friend on Easter night and then having his funeral on my birthday. I didn’t get to talk to him that day because I was busy with my family, but I have now made everyone with depression or problems a priority. I was in therapy for my depression because I talked with my mother about it. I was mute for almost FOUR whole months. Now I try to look at the […]
You wake up in the morning – happy as can be. You strive in life to put a smile on anothers’ face, but struggle to put one on your own. The evening comes and the thoughts wander in – What if…wouldn’t it be great…how would others react it…
Ive been through this website a few times as I struggled to keep myself from making a second attempt. I read about how others feel, the struggles they go through, the stories that match mine.
Having a constant loss of happiness is the worst pain. The moments spent creating little notes and looking up various ways of attempting. The […]
Why do I feel this urge to help others here? Even though I understand what they are feeling? (I can’t say I understand completely or I know how it exactly how it feels)
I believe that some people feel more so than others. The amount of sadness it’d take one person to crumble is what another wakes up to every day. You will never know my pain, nor I, yours. We can describe them as best we can, but I will never know what it is to carry your burden, and vise versa. I feel as though my own pain is much greater than most, as obnoxious as that sounds.. I live in a constant state of anxiety. How do others see me? Am I annoying? My breathing is too loud. Am I performing this task too slowly? […]
I have everything I ever wanted,
No… seriously , I do. Yet it feels like nothing, I hurt all the time and just want to sleep, cry and sleep. The hardest part is that it just makes me hate myself even more, the doctors say “depression” and give me pills that don’t work, the friends say it’s because I work too hard and suggest a drink (like I need ANOTHER addiction in my life to battle, one that is socially acceptable, cheap and everywhere, and I thought heroine was hard to stay away from). The saddest part of all of this is that I see myself […]
When I’m around normals, I feel like nobody could ever understand the amount of hurt I feel. So I come somewhere where nobody knows me. I share my pain. Some people look at it like they couldn’t ever imagine going through something so horrible. Others look and say “wow, what a spoiled brat. I’ve had it twice as hard.”
Only the dead are winners here.
Don’t we all like to lose?
During life we all face things that are difficult to cope with. no story is worst then the others. everyone has their own amount of pain they can deal with.
this is a very short version of my story.
I was 7 years old when i heard my fathers door close. My best friend entered my room and started revealing the darkest secrets i could of imagined. My father has been molesting and raping her in his room every day. i didnt know what this meant at the time and i thought that it was normal. she had kept telling me to keep it a secret so […]
I had a dream the other night that only frightens me because of the underlying message I found in it.
I dreamt that I was outside in the yard, I can’t recall what I was doing but it was a nice, warm, clear, day. I had heard a loud bang and fizzle type of sound. Myself and a few others that were also outside looked up to the sky and saw an enormous missile with three cylinders crash right into the hillside, not more than fifteen miles away. As others began to panic and clamour around, I just stood still, staring in awe. […]
I sometimes go to bed thinking everything will be better the next day and that my life is just a bad dream. And when I wake up reality snaps back in to me and than I remember. I am an embarrassment to the family according to my father and I am useless to society. My goal is to inform others of what I live trough everyday.
That’s basically all I am. I am a joke of Fate, a fly trapped in the web she never stops weaving, a plaything that she uses to occasionally humor herself. And it really sucks.
It’s ironic, actually, because I always tell others to be who they are, an individual, and never give up hope. But I guess I let that last chance out of Pandora’s jar a long time ago, because I don’t think I’ll ever amount to anything.
He handed me a pair of pliers
and he told me to pull out his teeth,
because as long as he had them he’d
use them to do bad things.
You’re cold on the inside,
there’s a dog in your heart
and it tells you to tear everything apart.
My body’s covered in teeth marks.
Your bite’s worse than your bark.
You ruin everything you touch and
destroy anyone you love.
You’re all over me.
He’d sunk his teeth into the flesh of many others,
infecting them with whatever was already inside him.
He’d broken all their hymens,
cut them open and played inside them.
I guess I’ve been depressed for years now.. And it’s rough. The worst of it is that most others don’t understand. “What’s wrong with you?” “You just have to be positive..” “I can’t handle you being sad all the time.” Lately the suicidal thoughts are occurring more often and seem to be sounding like very viable options, and I hate that. I woke up this morning and just cried. Mainly because I hate my job, my living arrangements, and my current economic standing. I hate that I am so ridiculously lonely all the time, yet consciously choose to be alone. I hate that I know […]
I really want to know why people are so fucked up. Why can’t people do whatever the hell they want as long as they don’t invade the rights of others? Things like weed, prostitution, and so on are illegal or taboo, but seriously, why? Why are we told to look down on people who are okay with doing drugs or having sex with tons of strangers? What’s the alternative but working nine to five until retirement and death? Whenever I tell my mother that we should allow people to do what they want, she acts like she’s okay with it, then, if I rephrase the […]
So, I told my doctor that the voices are getting worse, and he told me to tell my psychiatrist. And I did.
What a load of bull.
She refers to the as ‘thoughts’ and ignores them. I’m sorry, but I know the difference between thoughts and voices. These are voices. And she doesn’t even do anything about them.
My mum told her I was crying to her about them, yet she still did nothing about them.
She doesn’t ‘think they’re a worry’.
I can’t even go a day in school without them being there.
I disrupt classes by yelling at them, skip classes because of them, and have had multiple days off.
My therapist forced […]
I love my house.
I love my husband, and he loves me.
I love my two dogs, the one that cuddles and the one that listens.
I love my job. As a teacher there are so many rewards. The people I work with are amazing and skilled individuals.
I love my family. Supportive and there when you really need it, but they don’t holdit against you if you’re under a rock for a long time.
I love my roommate (in a platonic fashion) because he is a really great guy and a great helper around the house.
I love my friends, especially the “rediscovered” ones.
Sounds […]
I’m gonna try and make/keep a pledge this winter to not feel the cold loneliness of winter and the holidays. Of course I will feel lonely, but I want to try my best not to make excuses to why I’m so lonely, blaming it on the cold and the holidays. I don’t want to be desperate for some one else to be there. I don’t want to provoke sympathy from others by claiming “the winter’s are so lonely, they are the worst”
I want to make a pledge to be strong and endure, unshaken. I won’t let my mind be taken over by the cold […]
12 hours to go
You win, I was too wrong from the beginning anyway. A gear missing the teeth and don’t fit in the machinery.
“Be yourself, it’s all you need”
Of course there is the big probability chance, that everything else around you, don’t want or agree with your self, so you will have to let them mold, shape, change and fix you, so you can fit in, and get to be yourself, they can accept. But hey doesn’t matter, as long as you just “be yourself”
“You can’t be lonely if you’re not alone”,
and if you’re alone, well then it’s your own fault.
Don’t worry, […]
but this is the last straw,
its my birthday in a couple weeks (27), i should be excited and i have alot of things i still enjoy. i can walk, talk, see, smell and hear. and that alone should be enough. I made a list of all the things i appreciate in life, but i look at my list and i dont feel grateful, maybe its the media or the 1st world society problems that i think are so terrible. but im just done with it. every day i wake up and i raise my hand to my head and “pull the trigger” just hoping that […]