I had a dream the other night that only frightens me because of the underlying message I found in it.
I dreamt that I was outside in the yard, I can’t recall what I was doing but it was a nice, warm, clear, day. I had heard a loud bang and fizzle type of sound. Myself and a few others that were also outside looked up to the sky and saw an enormous missile with three cylinders crash right into the hillside, not more than fifteen miles away. As others began to panic and clamour around, I just stood still, staring in awe. I knew what it was, and I knew what was going to happen. I had only enough time to think it through and then it happened….a silent, bright, flash of white light began to travel quickly towards me and then…. poof. I was gone. It was over. I was not scared. I was not sad. I was not worried. I ess not in pain. I was at peace.
Then I woke up. I hate sleeping only because I always wake up.
That was a beautiful dream and I still hate this nightmare. I’m ready.
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ME TOO
Yeah. I’m so done.
I think that “done” is the best way to describe how I am feeling and what point I am at. It really doesn’t matter to me what anyone else has to do in order to get over this phase of my life but I am certainly not aiming to make anyones life more difficult. Consider the fact that I have been a mom for the last 21 years. Of those 21 years, I have spent 30 + months pregnant, 22+22+10= 54 months nursing, and all of them in some sort of depression. My body is done. It used, worn out and tired.
I am mentally incapable of handling ANYTHING anymore (to the extent that I can no longer keep a job) when I used to be able to conquer the world in a single night.
And to top it all off, I can’t seem to keep a man happy in a relationship no matter what I do or try. I give 150% to the relationship but then im told that I don’t even try.
*deep sigh* just done