Ive had a vedy fucked up two years.. i already prepare for death.. i sled off the road lastnight.. and for 5 seconds i just new i was going to hit a tree and die.. my point is.. i wasnt scared.. i was ready and hoping.. when i relised after hydroplaning at 80 miles an hour sideways then in to a large field.. it being dark i couldnt see anything.. then sliding at about 60 miles an hour into the grassy side median.. im very suprised i only had 3 flat tires.. i landed 3 feet from the tree sideline.. damn how i wish in […]
Tag:
Peace
Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I’ve walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above.
Hello everyone. If your reading this, Â then I assure you that right now I had forgotten this post. I wish not to remember my past, they had been changing me, transforming me, shapeshifting me, into such evil ways. I’m not evil myself, or at least I don’t want to be, but it’s come to a point now that I’ve become a whole different person from the experience I’ve been facing.
Although suicide is an option for me, I’m not planning to do such a thing so far. However, I do admire its benefits if I do take its path. But that brings a question, what does […]
Despite the allure of the quiet and peace of silencing my inner torment I am still here…
Still here…alone, despair, pain, all facets unseen
Yes, everything to live for…two wonderful sons, family that loves me, a good job, advanced degrees…but for naught, the pain is still here…
Still here…as I drive around each day…a collision away from silence
I am here because of others…ironically, helping others is what I do best…it is because of others that I am still here
and here I am
Ever familiar with the temptation of silence…thwarted so long ago…and I’m still here
A lone, despair-filled soul, wandering the night, fearful of the next day
As I find once […]
It seems that when I was I was honest with myself, I at least had the comfort of knowing that I could maybe fix the problem. I feel hopeless and feel like I still lie to myself. I’m in disastrous relationships. Plural. And I don’t have my family around to being me down to earth or make me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve ruined my relationship with my best friend from high school and I don’t really talk to anyone except my boyfriend anymore and maybe my parents from time to time. I encircle myself with “friends†I do not feel suit me anymore. […]
I’m about to od on heroin, sorry I never got to know any of yall, but I wish u all the luck in the world. It’s this or fosterhome all my relatives are now dead and in another country. I might as well die too, peace. xoxoxo
I recently read a post from a person feeling deep depression for a major part of his or her life and feeling that God is removed from involvement in her life. Â I have done a great amount of soul searching in understanding this as well. Â I have discovered through the death of my brother from his suicide a firmer understanding of God and his complete involvement into our lives. Â I recently discovered in my need to understand that I was not listening. Â I have been reading the bible where Jesus is witnessing to his followers disciples that they need not fear the ruler of this […]
So number two, my grandad.
I’ve already mentioned him briefly but I shall give you a bit more detail.
He was always ill, but it never seemed to phase him. I think in total he suffered 2 strokes, 1 “mini” stroke, a heart attack, several ongoing illnesses and probably some other things. For about the last five years he has been in about out of hospital and nursing homes for people recovering but he never really did recover. As well as being ill we think he had dementia, he often forgot where he was, who we were and even our names. That hurt, a lot. But anyway […]
Perhaps I am to drunk and shouldnt be typing this, but I am. No one, no one, no one, should be forced to live when they are not happy. How dare all of you out there making people feel crappy because they are BRAVE enough to say F U world and do what they feel is nessary. How dare you all talk down to us as if Oh, I have been there and I pulled through, GOOD FOR YOU, do you want a gold star? No, I mean No to experences are ever the same and as humans we are all diffrent and so we […]
Despite being around such “happy” people, I cant help but feel lonely and empty. A person who I thought of as a brother died in the Summer and while everyone else is still upset about him, I am the only person who can’t let go. I just can’t. I still cry myself to sleep evey night.
I do hope one day I’ll succeed in my suicide attempts. Then both of us can be at… Peace. I just wish that would happen. All my problems, along with me, would just float away.
im dead now
Broken glass.
It was mine.
My place.
The only place I felt a little bit safe.
But it’s broken now.
There’s laying glass all over the ground.
In pieces,
My safety in pieces,
Broken,
Taken down.
My protection.
But it’s broken,
It will never heal again.
Broken in pieces of glass.
All that I had is broken.
I try and try to fix it,
Try to build up my shell of glass.
But everytime I have a little part,
It’s taken down again.
Building up the only thing I had isn’t the option,
Because it only works reversed.
I need a thing that works […]
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]
I died a long time ago, and as I’ve rotted through nine years.
Like a vulture, you have constantly eaten away my carcus, piece by piece.
Can’t you let me be.
Let me die in peace for goodness sake.
I have nothing, no one.
What more do you want from me.
I’ve come to the realization that living with these suicidal thoughts will probably never go away. This is my first time trying out an online community for suicide/depression or what have you because I feel I am running out of options. I feel I have no one who I can talk to in my life about these issues due to the deep shame that comes with them. Even though I feel I have a good support system, I don’t like feeling like I’m burdening those I love with all this I go through on a daily basis.
Getting to the point, I’ve realized that I am too scared to actually […]
I often fantasize about being stranded on a tropical island, completely isolated. I don’t care how I get there, and I don’t care the state I am when I finally arrive. But it would be nice, for once, to be completely alone in a beautiful place and not have to worry about media, or politics, or finances, or love. Just live with nature and forget about everything that happened in the “real world”.
I’m pretty adapted to nature. I know how to start a fire with a couple rocks, or two stick, or a bunch of dried grass, a couple of splintered sticks, and a piece […]
I haven’t been on here for a really long time.
I thought thing’s were bound to get better. I am getting so sick and tired of people telling me what they think they should do, when in reality, they don’t even know what the hell is going on. I was late to school today, because my uncle was giving a speech about respecting my parents. I know that this is necessary. I’m not stupid and I’m not a bad child. I just don’t complain to the world like my parents do (well, except for this). No one know’s what goes on inside my head or behind […]
I was at that muslim cemetery you were buried in, which is a little heart wrenching because you are without a doubt athiest. I found some kind of ritual you can do to bring a loved one back for a little while, it was hell to do, but it was possible and I did it. You came back but it wasn’t the same. You were happier, and more at peace, rather you were still your condescending self. Just not as much. We talked for a while, and I felt so much better. Your family members and some friends came to the gravesite. Some could see […]
I admit. I am typically a shy person, but that does not prevent me from judging myself and anyone that I get in contact with.
Just minutes earlier at an university library, some woman in the next study booth was playing Lady Gaga rather loud even though the sign clearly labels the area as silent zone. Lady Gaga may sing awesome songs, but it still distracts me from my study… After 15+ minutes, I had enough, so I walked to her booth, knocked at the booth door. She looked at me puzzled, wondering why I put up a smile as a gesture of politeness. I slid […]
Instability is the only stable thing in me
Balance is challenging to me
Maybe I need something like peace
Hello serenity how have you been? It’s been quite a while since my needs were meant, in this parasitical relationship, your lack is hurting me
Hello algidity, you’re stuck in my bones. It’s been such a long time since I remember being warm, in this frigid cowardice, I’m not any closer to free
I’m not being heard and I wonder why, “Why am I”
“Why am I here because I’m not changing much”
The things I say the words I speak
I have to ask “Would I even […]