I’ve never posted on here but I’ve been on here for a few days. I’ve been debating on telling my story, so I’m just going so say a little bit of it now.
I’m a senior in high school. A few years ago I sank into this depression. About a year ago I started cutting myself. I usually cut in a place that’s easy to hide, but sometimes I’ll cut on my forearm or near my wrist, asking for someone to notice and ask if I’m okay. I’ve actually set a date for myself once last may. I backed out of it though.
There has […]
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I miss you. I try not to think about you because when I do I think about all the fucked up mistakes I made in my depression and I can’t blame anyone but myself. I knew what I was doing and for some reason I did it anyway. I loved you. I loved you so very much and I chased you away. I destroyed our relationship and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I want to reach out to you, to try an apologize, to make amends. I can’t ever bring myself to do this though. If I do I’m just bringing back terrible memories. […]
We all make mistakes. Some more often that others, and some worse than others. It hurts both parties involved sometimes and other times only one person cares. But mistakes are a thing of the past. They are something that can not be undone. All we can do is apologize and try to make it up to the person. Try to be better, do better, and hope that they can forgive us. Sometimes I think the mistake is being human. Being…at all. Our lives are doomed from the starts someday we will all die somehow and we spend our entire lives just screwing up until then. […]
I want to die!
– But I kept thinking what my family would feel, I am looking for hints as to how they would accept my death. I dont want to be selfish and just kill myself without thinking of what other people whom I think, would not care or people who I wouldnt even have the slightest idea that would care would feel if I committed suicide. I am waiting for the right time that I think that nobody would ever care for me, then its alright to die. the funny thing is it never happens, everytime I have the urge to commit suicide, someone or […]
Hello. I’m 23, a college student, and was just diagnosed back in September with an anxiety disorder and depression.
I don’t know who to blame. Or didn’t for a long time. I’ve dealt with what I suppose is considered self loathing since I was eight years old, and always assumed this was just a result of causality. I didn’t have many friends, my grades were shit, I often felt angry and isolated from people around me. I assumed that I hated myself for these reasons- because I was somebody worth hating. Because if I were somebody else, I’d probably hate me still. Now I don’t know.
I […]
So. I posted here earlier and I got one comment that really didn’t help. It’s been a weird day for me and quite frankly I’m done. I decided that this Saturday I will loll myself. I failed out of college. My parents won’t talk to me because I told them I was gay. The only person who brings me happiness is my boyfriend. But he deserves someone much better than me. I gave him a ring already. But he can find someone better. He’s a great guy who can make anyone laugh. I have faith.
I have rope and handcuffs. There is a hook I […]
I feel nothing for anyone around me. Those that say they care, are more easily consumed by their own interests. I hate my life. I hate waking in the morning, the façade of a life I present to others, the happiness I show people daily, and, more so, not being able to sleep with my own thoughts at night. Why do I continue? Why keep up this farce of a life? Am I that weak? Can I not end this charade? I guess nothing ends….
I gather courage from pain. Each day, I put my uniform on, knowing I am hated. My only hope is to cross paths with a person that hates me […]
The world can be changed in a fort night by a person with a strong conviction to do so.
where does one find the strength, i wonder, to be the arbiter of their own fate, and still find
the means nessacary to empart their brand of wisdom on humanity
I understand now that I never had a chance against these convicted people, because I
flock to folly, I just cant stand against the tide of human emotion,its all just to fucking much to feel.
I am a runaway in my own skin, I am making a concious and concerted effort to check out, I just don’t […]
It was one of those nights where I was hanging with a large group of friends.
Even though I say friends, i just felt like an outsider looking in, I didnt have much input to give on their conversations. I just wound up sitting there thinking if i wasnt here it would make no difference. The group consisted of my roommates and some more friends ( we were at my house).
One of the friends is debating living with us next year so they spent the night entertaining everyone with stories. Everyone was so happy and lively. When i’m around i have never have good news or […]
Sometimes when you are lonely or afraid you seek solace in the one place, person, or thing, that comforts you and calms you down. That sanctuary you enjoy is euphoric, you feel safe, secure, and free. But what happens when it starts to trap you? When it becomes a prison you can’t escape? What do you do when the one person you should be able to tell every fucked up emotion to doesn’t want to listen to the things that hurt you the most. What about when no matter what you do you still feel alone? Just keep trying right? Ignore it? Pretend you aren’t […]
The worst thing about a break-up isn’t necessarily the fact that you broke up with “x” person. It’s the memories left behind. As I sit in my increasingly frigid apartment, I remember our time sitting in the spot where I am now, watching Top Gear and enjoying each others company. Thats the worst part for me.
I spent the first 21 years of my life living in hell. There is a higher power with a wicked sense of humor. Every attempt ended in utter disappointment. Someone had to be laughing somewhere. The shining moment where I thought that I’d met someone who would always support me, […]
I don’t think I’ve ever done this before. I can say right now this is going to be a really long post because I’m pouring myself and my twisted emotions into this. I don’t expect anyone to read this fully. Or even at all. I’m not writing this expecting I’ll get help on here. I’m doing it for myself because maybe if I put my thoughts in words it will help me in getting through this confusion, even though I detest writing.
I am a 20 year old female. Right now I’m living in the city away from home. Right now I don’t have a job […]
When given a choice to have the best life on earth or not be born at all, what will you choose?
This is a close one for me, but I think I’ll choose not to be born at all. You simply can’t deprive someone of something who is oblivious. On the other hand, once you are here on earth there is bound to be things that you can’t do and can’t have. You can’t break the law or you will go to jail, you can’t do whatever you want in a relationship or you will hurt the other person, and you definitely can’t walk through walls or teleport from one place to another. […]
If You had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, ¿How long would you allow that person to be your friend?
The railing looked so easy to smash my car is heaver then it can hold. These were the thoughts traveling through my head today as I skipped college classes to “run away fro my feelings” . This morning I found out my ex boyfriend already has a new boyfriend. he is thin pretty and motivated. I am none of these. I loved him for the two years we had so deeply only to be tossed asside when out of comfort with him i gained weight and just relaxed. He wanted to break up so badly but he wouldnt be “the bad guy” he would sit […]
27 weeks. I was gone for 27 weeks. And you were the closest thing I had to home.
Granted I didn’t know you for 10 of those, but hey training has this way of flinging the unexpected in your face. More often then not, it’s a hot steamy pile of crud… but not you. I remember walking through the hall past the other platoon females room while you unpacked your duffle. I remember thinking to myself how beautiful the lines in you shoulders were. How the cut of your jaw was strong and masculine yet soft and feminine. you were the most beautiful creature I had […]
I have a job as a seasonal tax preparer. It’s not great, but it’s a step into the accounting field. I’ve started this semester with an unprecedented 3.86 GPA. I’ve never had higher than maybe a 3.20 in my almost 34 years of life before this.
And I’m empty. Broken. There’s a highly specifically shaped hole in my heart and in my life. A life that is falling apart around the edges. The check I postdated to pay for one textbook will bounce. I can’t pay for the other at all. There is no more help from […]
People say that I’m selfish, how can I give anything if I have nothing to give? I have no job, no car, no money, no nothing. How could I be so selfish if I have nothing myself? People say that I’m conceited, how am I conceited, I’m not even pretty anymore, There’s nothing in it for me, I’m disappointing people without saying a word, why am I such a failure?
I’ve been feeling like shit really for the past few months, and my friend called and asked if I wanted to hang out. Of course I said yes…
This morning started out normal for a Sunday morning (in my house at least) my older brother and his wife arguing, my older brother being a total dick… But I’m feeling a bit better, and I’m surprised that I haven’t cried yet. (it’s only 10AM so knock on wood)
I think… it really does make a difference having someone who actually cares around, sure my parents care but then again they let my demons follow me- and won’t let […]
O.k. guys. I have been in a relationship with a woman who has some serious emotional disabilities. Things get heated frequently and I have become very abusive. Luckily for her she left 2days ago. We have been raising our kids together so I have lost a son as well. The house is full of her possessions, presence, and memories. I find myself staring at her empty spot in our bed and i have begun sleeping with her pajamas in my hands. I have no help with bills. Its looking hopeless and the pain is overwhelming. All I know how to be is a family man […]