I miss you. I try not to think about you because when I do I think about all the fucked up mistakes I made in my depression and I can’t blame anyone but myself. I knew what I was doing and for some reason I did it anyway. I loved you. I loved you so very much and I chased you away. I destroyed our relationship and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I want to reach out to you, to try an apologize, to make amends. I can’t ever bring myself to do this though. If I do I’m just bringing back terrible memories. I’m ruining any happiness you have built since then. I can’t bring myself to destroy that happiness. I can’t bring myself to remind you of that sadness. I can’t come to you and apologize for betraying you because I don’t deserve your forgiveness and there is nothing I can do to earn it. I am a horrible fucked up person and I can’t drag you down again.
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2 comments
Thanks for sharing this, while reading it i was thinking i could have written most of it myself. Everybody deserves forgiveness tho, if you can’t ask for forgiveness from that person at least try to forgive yourself. Relationships aren’t easy, specially when you are depressed.
It’s worse when it’s someone depending on you to be there for them in a positive way and you manage to fuck up and pull the rug from beneath their feet…