Tired of disintegrating under the weight of my own fear of disintegration. Tired of watching everything I suffered so hard to build, crumble away, to slide back into the trauma I desperately want to distance myself from. Tired of the fear of disintegration, only to have it happen in actuality, and have all of my worst fears come true, for the x-teenth time: To relieve my worst experiences, those that caused me to be like this, over and over and over, in the context of current work relationships as I try to make my money and pay my rent, barely scraping by, wondering what I’m […]
Well last night was defiantly an interesting one. But now I’m left with a difficult task. I could tell something was up with my boyfriend with the way he would hardly talk . I knew something was bugging him but what he told me I was not expecting to hear at all. for about the past two years me and my bf have been together everyone was really happy about it except for one person. My little sister she pretty much hates him and it hurts me cause most of the time I have to play referee when they are near each other. Hes been […]
Hi,
I’m Velvet. I don’t want to kill myself, but I am thinking about it. I’m thinking about it because part of me hates myself. I have no one who would really give a damn. The people that are close to me, either take advantage of me or abuse or dismiss me. So, I am nothing and nobody to anyone. So, what’s the point?
That’s basically it for now. I’m at the bottom of a huge, big barrel that’s always been there, waiting for me. Waiting to absorb me.
Well, I don’t know if I should stay in bed all day tomorrow and lick my wounds, or if […]
Sigh… I never thought I’d be back on this site… after I finally built up the courage to actually speak to my mother and tell her about my suicide thoughts and depression.. but my mother being the religious woman she is (ironic) prayed and since I cut myself off from religion.. I just sat in since while she did and took the advice I got from amazing people on this site..
I went out, I did new things, made new friends… it got better after a while.. until a few days ahgo.
A brief description of me:
I’m a social person, I use humor as a […]
Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Please let me introduce myself: I am a suicide. “A suicide…?” you say, with some shock, thinking I have just made a joke in very poor taste. Yes, a suicide is what I am. I have been dead for some time now, emotionally and spiritually, if not physically as of the time of this writing. My actual name does not matter, nor do the majority of my life’s circumstances. I was never a happy person; that is not to say I had always been sad, or down, or any other state implying the opposite of ‘Happy”, merely that […]
I’ve thought about it for years. Tried various ways. Failed (obviously) every time. Lied my way out of hospital after hospital. Spent years “reinventing” myself. But can’t escape the overwhelming need to die. Not to die just any way. I need something creative. It cannot look like a suicide. It can NEVER be questioned. My husband doesn’t know and can’t know i am like this. He didn’t know me when i was “depressed,” medicated. In therapy everyday. He knows the now me. That person works 60 hours a week. That person adores her children. That person is positive and upbeat. Fun loving and adventurous. The […]
What would I say? What would they want to hear? What would they want to know? These are a few of the questions that I have about what will happen after I’m gone. Other than that there really isn’t any telling what will happen to whom and how. There are of course the general predictions that we make about those that we know both in our families and out and about what our children will be like when they have fully grown, but aside from all of that, I really don’t care to find out.
In all honesty, I am not too eager to find […]
Then you left, showed me truth.
And told me to get over it.
With that knowledge, I can become such a spiteful person.
Or become a mindless drone living day to day with no real care.
Ever feel like everything would be okay if you could just climb out of your skin and be the person you were meant to be? I think that I would have been an okay person. Not a Nobel Prize winner, but okay. I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay, tired of wondering what people would think if they knew what was really in my head. My husband deserves a better wife, and my son deserves a better mother, they deserve that person i could have been.
I’ve tried explaining the intrusive thoughts from OCD to someone, they made some awkward joke about OCD and […]
Someone really helped me. It’s long, but I want to put it into words and share.
Yesterday I felt extremely lonely. Devoid of all emotion. I just…couldn’t feel anything at all.
Almost anything. Just when I looked in the mirror and saw age spots and gray hair on someone so young it just showed the fighting I’ve been doing and stress of my life. At that moment I felt anger, worthlessness, and wasted years. It was like all of the emotions I’ve felt were physically manifesting themselves as a cruel reminder, every time I look the mirror – looking back at me.
I was thinking about suicide…again…but I […]
Hello everyone.
Yes, I’m still here.
I was about to do it but called a very important person to say goodbye. Someone I love very much. Someone I had once but do no longer. They told me that they couldn’t be with me if I was gone. So with that little bit of hope, I put the bottle away. I still have my suicide date set for the day after Thanksgiving (how ironic), but for now, I’m hanging in there.
Thank you to everyone who answered my last post. It meant a lot to me.
My original intention was to comment on someones post – suicide is not selfish. It is only viewed as selfish by those who are angry because you are nolonger there to be used & abused. That is how it will be for me.
In 1 week I will be homeless. I really feel like I should give up right now. Everything has fallen apart, but replacements are falling into place. My ‘best friend’ whom I live with has replaced me with one of her friends & her 2 little kids. I have lost my sister to the clutches of my mother, so I am no longer […]
I often hear those affected by a suicide talking about the one who committed the suicide being selfish; and often those people are caught off guard by the suicide because they were taking for granted the presence of the person who committed the act. Many of those people got too caught up in a life that was quite a bit less painful than those who committed the suicide to ever notice there were little things they could often do to help prevent such measures. Examples might be: Inviting those struggling out to a cheap social event, making a small connection that might help those find […]
Out of all the boys in high school I fell deeply for the emotionally unavailable. This person who I would like nothing more than to give all of myself too has never felt love. While guys were in there room every night playing video games he was working or running errands for his mother. Not your average teenager he was a man. As psychotic and bi polar as I can be …as I am I was always my best with him but its hard for me to express my emotions to someone who I knew liked me so much but never said anything. So there […]
I’m new to this site because I’ve not really had reason to seek it out until recently. I’ve lurked quietly and read peoples’ stories because I found a sense of catharsis from witnessing and understanding that I’m not the only person who can feel this low. I think my story won’t be popular or creative and some may even scoff at me and think I’m a spoilt brat, but it’s my story and my life and it feels very real to me.
I’m a 21 year-old male, I grew up in a fairly privileged household where my parents provided materially but were never emotionally there. They’re […]
I want it to end, I want to feel relief. Its funny who one sweet word from that someone can make us feel alive again , and who easily they can take it from us. I can’t take my own life, even if I wanted it so bad.. I’m religious , I’m afraid from God.. from hell, but also.. I’m afraid to die before I have my first kiss, my first romantic hug, before I know how it feel to be the special person to someone […]
Have you ever met that one person you just can’t stop thinking about? Well, i have. And in my case it suck balls. So, let’s start evert ‘good’ story as it always starts, with alchohol.
It was in the summer, in the local park everyone was drinking, everything was great. I was there with my friends, wich i now got and they are the best. But that dosen’t matter, because this is about a guy that haven’t felt love in many many years. Let me give you some bavkground. Okay, so there was this 14 year old, and that boy met a girl when he started […]
I love you.
My love for you is illogical like a person living two lives at the same point in time.
I go crazy thinking about you. Every minute of every day, from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed, you circle my mind over and over again.
I ache for you deeply but you know what they say ‘absense makes the heart grow fonder’.
And you know my heart yerns for you.
I hate you. I fucking hate you.
I hate you for tricking me into loving you.
Your social media commentary, the way you would pay extra attention to […]
Stop whatever you’re doing and read this. It’s important.
Okay, chances are, you’re probably on this website because you had a terrible day or worse; a terrible childhood. Or some sort of traumatic experience. But you know what the other reason for you being here is? The much bigger and more important reason? The fact that you’re alive and a sentient being.
You have free will to a certain extent. Your mental capacity is nigh on infinite. You’re a beautiful and complex person. What’s more is that you matter. You’re important. You are amazing and awesome and genuine. So don’t let anyone else tell you […]
I’m freaking out about not having enough hours at work, not having a place to live, not having money to pay my bills, not being able to find a second job, and having to do all this shit alone.
This is too much shit for one person to handle. Enough is enough. I seriously feel so freaked and panicked and anxious about everything that I wanna just go jump off a bridge and be done with this shit.
You win, Universe. You wanted to see how much fucking shit one person could really take, and this is it. I’m fucking done, you win, I’m not playing anymore.
Thank […]