Hi, I’m not going to tell you who I am, but I will tell you my beginning of how I started being suicidal.
So, It all started when i was 4 or 5. My mom drove me to my babysitter’s house and when we arrived there, I hugged her so tight and we played and stuff like that for an hour.. then she told me she was going to go outside for a few hours to garden like she does everyday, and so when she left, a few minutes later, A man came in and… he told me to follow […]
Hello, the guy I’ve been reading about on here getting his life destroyed by zero hedge… Well mate my situation is 200x more scifi than that, gangstalking target world famous me, youtube spongebobs secret tv channel 🙂 the person who had the mushroom trip and realised everything only to remember the very small details you can comprehend, me too! this place is nothing but a game show, the world, and the universe at that 😉 and everyone with hurtful non caring families, My step dad of ten years tried to have me raped and killed twice, my dad ran away because he was scared, and […]
You just got out of a mental hospital a month ago and you see someone you met inside walking down the street with someone else. You really want to say ‘hi’ to her, but then the thought occurs to you that maybe the person she’s walking with doesn’t know she was in a mental hospital. Maybe he/she is like, a work colleague or something.
What would you say if she tries to introduce you to her friend? Would you make something up like “uh, yeah, we met in… um…” (come on, think, dammit, think!) “… church” (argh dammit why did I say that? I’m an atheist)
Do you just keep […]
Just by happenstance, I stumbled upon this site 10 minutes ago. I saw a quote elsewhere, searched it, and google took me to a post from December of last year. And I sort of had to join.
I don’t know how much I’ll post, I don’t know how much I’ll even come back to this site. But here, right now, this feels like something I need.
I’m in a new city. I have an internship, but it’s unpaid. I don’t know anyone. And my best friend, my single confidant, the only person who I can share these feelings with, moved across the country and is indisposed for […]
you know what is SO fucked up? is that after someone commits suicide EVERYONE around the person is saying things like “oh she was such a great person” and “if she had only called i would have been there to listen, to help” but you know what? it’s fucking bullshit. i did what a suicide support website said – i reached out, far, on a limb and i thought hard of the smartest people i know, the people who have provided guidance and direction in the past. i decided to reach out to my aunt who i haven’t spoken to in over 10 years. i […]
Most people will say I’m one of the most cheerful people around but the truth is I’m not a happy person and I haven’t been for quite a long time. Nearly 2 and a half decades of putting on a smile for people has left me exhausted both emotionally and physically. I’ve lost all motivation in my life, I just want to end it and the only thing stopping me is I’m too afraid of the truama I’ll cause my family, my brothers look up to me and I’ve only started getting along with my parents again. I know that living will keep them happy […]
How do you get over someone? like … how do you get over a breakup or so? How long did it take you to move on? Are you a different person from who you were before the breakup and after your breakup and after you’re healed?
I feel bad and gross and annoyed and sad. I’m never good enough for other people. I’m always everyone’s second choice. I could never be anyone’s favorite person. Why would I be though? I’m horrible at socializing. Id rather be alone than with other people. When I’m alone I’m just myself. I’m not worried of being judged. Saying the wrong things. Not being talkative enough. Not being energetic enough. I feel tired as hell 75% of the day. When I’m with other people I feel lonelier than when I’m with myself. That makes no sense. But why don’t people like me? Do I not look […]
probably gonna sound stupid or whiney or that i should mind my own business but this place is for me to get my emotions out right. so hats what im going to do.this isn’t aimed at anyone person in particular. im just torn up about a post on here
i felt better this last so many days i thought what i have been saying was true. but was it. i mean how come he had to wait nearly about hour for a reply, no one even tried, i replied too late what if i could of helped what if he’s dead.not a single person. […]
It’s been a few weeks since I have posted, and have come to the conclusion that it’s everyone else that’s screwed up and not me.
I’m convinced that whilst I may have my failings (needy and insecure) I’m actually a nice person.
Intervention by my doctor and local crisis team have helped a great deal, and my meds have been increased significantly. Got a testing few weeks ahead of me but that light at the end of the tunnel is now a lot bigger than a pinhole.
Have discovered an amazing singer recently too (Blossom Dearie) and would recommend that anyone in crisis should youtube her and just […]
Feels like eons since I’ve been on this site, but in “reality” it has only been a few weeks. I moved 4 hours away from my previous home, got a job at walmart making a pittance to run around like a headless chicken. Stressing to the max about money. And still wanting to kill myself.
I found a super awesome guy who’s letting me rent his room and is understanding about me not having the rent money until I get paid in 2-4 weeks. And he has a really cool 15 year old daughter who stays with him part time. I love teenagers. They’re so much […]
This is for you, I read your last post, titled “Love”. I hope this will shed some light on the subject.
In fact a mature person does not fall in love, they rise in love. The word ‘fall’ is weak. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have […]
What else can I say? I was clinging to the hope of things getting better last week. Then I got it. Right between the eyes. I’ve had a good run at my job that lasted over ten years – great relationships with the past three CEO’s and then the one bad ape the has wanted the job forever but just couldn’t slither her way in finally got her foot in the door right when her best friend was still board chair. Three people staged a coup and forced the current boss out and slipped the ***** in. I’ve know for several years by the questions […]
the person that i once was died… and left behind a shell of depression… everything I do fails…. I’m all alone, I use drugs to try to kill the pain..
Long one:
I have a big family, but my dad’s never been around so it’s always just been me and mum. Therefore, apart from my grandfather she has always been the one that I confide in. Bare in mind I am not the type of person that feels comfortable confiding in others and I tend to keep it all bottled up, occasionally taking things out on a sheet of A4 with black ink.
Whenever I do tell her things, I always make her promise not to tell anybody at least twice before I let it go because I know she’ll just spill it all to the […]
I didn’t knew my grandpa much. He died when I was 10 in his sleep. He was also depressed. Sometimes I blame him for my sufferings. It could be genetic. Then, he didn’t choose to fall into this pit, so I can’t be mad at him. I think he was a good person. My mother say so.
I’ve been told he was the manager of a sock factory. I’ve been told he survived the holocaust. I’ve been told he has been through a lot. It must have been nice when death greet him that night. Like a big relief. I wonder how’s that. Salvation. I wish […]
Anther year since I tried to kill myself. Life’s pretty good. I’ve been talking to one of my friends who recently expressed interest in me. I like them, everyone thinks they like me. But I’m scared, scared they do and scared they don’t. They have texted me into the night, they’re very sweet and considerate and they want to help me, but I’ve swallowed my secrets and depression for so long I can’t give them up. Life is pretty good. I still want to die. That irrational persistence is the mark of a true suicidal person, I think.
I need a plan. If I don’t […]
I was made in this world, by unfairness… i lived my life in internats and thus life live practically with a hunched back, and now as a 31 year old with no actual friends, no girlfriend (i gave up there) (though i have a ex i dont want to talk about and shes not the reason for this but more of a final straw in a sense that made me really get bad physically after she broke up with me because i wouldnt have sex with her like a monkey but wanted to take things slow, im also a virgin, yes at my 31st and […]
I actually came on here tonight for the first time in a week or so to make a post about some stuff that’s happened lately in my life… and now my head is just too overwhelmed by the utterly repulsive tragedy that’s taken place today/tonight involving a really awesome person.
So instead of crapping on about my own troubles, I’m just gonna leave this post here so we can all maybe give a thought to that special person today/tonight, because this is their day now and they deserve to be remembered.
Rest easy.
I worked myself stupid last year for an organization that was going under. I literally spent 56 hours working with no breaks and no sleep. You would think that the women who profited from my work, would spare an hour to come to my birthday celebration? Fuck. They don’t even have to come for an hour. Just show up and say hi. That’s all. I really wish I could articulate how hurt I am that I will be spending my 21st birthday…alone. What is the point of working hard on relationships if there is no gain to them? Why kill myself worrying over if i’m […]
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