As someone who’s survived 3 serious attempts I wish to say that I have no intention of making it through number four. I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that I’m statistically supposed to be dead by now and it’s not something which makes me feel better. I’ve seen so much pain on my short tour here on Earth. Humanity does little to stoke my optimism, in fact it does the opposite. I’m a vet, I’m mentally unstable, I’m single, I’m unemployed for the fourth year running and I’m almost homeless (I already was for 3 years.) A close friend who I met while being homeless committed suicide via alcohol and prescription […]
i’m 15 and my life is hell, I need to escape and i fear that death is the only way, i need help or i might do harm to the people around me i don’t want that to happen, all i want is to be free of this anger  and misery or i will die and might take a few people with me. i have thought about taking my life before when i was 10 and my life got worse since then, i need to be free and i have a few ideas on how to kill myself, ODing on pills, slitting my wrists or throat, juming in front […]
I tried this time I really did, but it seems no matter how hard I try I can’t be happy and slip back into depression harder than before. I hide behind a fake smile, I always have, but now I can’t even be bothered to put that mask on anymore. I genuinely tried to change my life and be happy but it hasn’t worked, just like the previous times I’ve tried. Therapy has never worked, pills have never worked and trying to be proactive has never worked. Maybe I’m just broke, but the problem is there doesn’t seem to be a fix. I tried to […]
Im just going to rant.. Yes I realize nobody actually gives two shits but  whatever.. So, I wake up this morning and automatically felt angry, sad, stressed, and to add on that my medication is making me sick due to not having food to take with it.. So I call my work and tell them I cant come in and now I need to find someone to cover my shift. I doubt anybody will. Anyway.. i just.. I really just dont want to be here anymore. How about I go count my pills….
just found this site today after crying and wishing i had the balls enough to just slit my wrists… Have attempted a few times but honestly too scared to fully do it. Wondering if maybe I get drunk enough I could. I tried to OD on a bunch of pills when i was a teenager but I just ended up puking and in the hospital. I’ve been depressed and seeing a shrink since I was 8. I am just tired and dont want to do this anymore. I lost my boys about a year ago.. they are 6 and 8 and honestly I dont know […]
Today I started my “project”. I’m sick of the world, but my best and pretty much only friend wants me to stay with her until highschool, because she’s struggling with life as well. So I figured that if I slowly starve myself to death, I can stay with her, but as soon as school is out, the pain of starving will make it easier for me to just end life. I eat a lot so I’m not going to full out starve myself, but become majorly bulimic… Honestly, nobody on this site probably cares, but I just want to put it out there. I hate […]
Alright so I don’t really know how to do this, but whatever.I’m just going to share my story. Last year I got into alcohol and drugs. I was drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, and huffing. I don’t know how to explain it. I just wasn’t me. Hanging out with the wrong people. One day at midnight, well, September 7th. It was officially the first day of school and I was dreading it. So, me and my friend took 8 triple c’s or cold cough pills. I knew nothing about it other than it would make me feel good. And I’ve always had problems with depression […]
i asked myself 1st thing this morning when i woke up. my “story” is not worth typing about – you already get it: it’s depressing. i’ve been suicidal for a few years now, but this will be my 1st real attempt. the “helium method” as i refer to it (no access to guns, i have plenty of pills but those have a TERRIBLE track record of successful suicides). i feel ready to go.
yet i have reservations. i think about my family.
i don’t love them, to me they are like strangers i just happen to know many things about, i do not feel connected or bonded […]
Everything was good, I was happy.. Maybe I just convinced myself I was? I just don’t know what to do, how to help myself.. I hadn’t cut in like three days.. Now I’m watching it pour out of me.. So now I’m going to drink myself to sleep with a bottle of vodka, maybe ill add a few pills and finally finish it to fuck!
This is the question I ask myself everyday and honestly I don’t ever expect the answer. All my life people have had little faith in me. Telling me I will go to jail when I get older, saying I beat down a girl when I did not, and so much more. In fact I was accused of rapeing my  niece when I LOVE that girl and have told everyone that I always want to be there to protect her. If I raped her that would go against my word AND my morals.  People have told me numerous times I look like a pedophile and that I have […]
The thing about my sister, is that she is mean. Not only that, but she doesn’t realize that when she tells people these mean, horrible things, that they are affected by it. That what she says to me, makes me feel worse about myself. How many times have I cut myself over things she said or did to me? Too many. How many pills did I try to overdose on, July 1 2010? Over 40. That same year, I overdosed again on August 23. The second Monday in school. That same year, months earlier, I tied together a bunch of knee high socks, and tried […]
i honestly don’t care whether or not i die. if a car drives towards me. sure, i’ll jump to safety. its natural. and wayyy to messy. i heard that girls end their cycle through pills n shit.. boys do it the messy way, shotguns or roadkill. i don’t care much though. its ok.
i just wished nobody cared. it would have been easier to be me. so. my gran found out im smoking. she started off like god was against me. i ended the conversation with saying: why would god care if i provoke cancer when children starve to death somewhere else.
my life might not seem […]
My plan for a long time has been pills and a letter left behind for my family. I’ve never had any specific date and I’ve never known what to take or the dosage or anything like that. I have never gone into specifics with the plan. I don’t know, maybe that’s a sign?
Thing is, every time I come close to figuring out the specifics, something comes up and gets in the way of the plan for a while. Things like my best friend needing me and me knowing that I need to be there for her because she needs a proper family even if […]
Hi, Well as you can see I havent offed my self! (Yet) So I am still alive on this rotten, idiotic planet! I would like to share with you my favourite book, I think you should read : Joker, by Ranulfo.
Anywhore, I am wondering if i do off myself how will I do it? The helium method? Hanging in the closet? Rooftop Jump? Knife? Pills? I do know I’m 11, you may think I am nieve but thats your thoughts, bye see you soon… maybe
The depression break downs I seem to experience are coming back more and more this week. Yesterday I was just so depressed I couldnt pull myself up. I got up to take my medicine and ended up just laying in the floor. It just felt like it wasnt worth getting up to survive. My fight with my dad is getting no better. Hes still choosing his wife/ex-wife (its complicated) over me. My mom keeps saying Karma comes around..he`ll regret it when hes older. Thats not good enough to me. I dont want to wait. I want him in my life now. Its just frustrating
As much as […]
Revenge
Death you say was meant to be
It should happen to me
Pain easy to hide
Cause I lied
Said I was alright
But I cried all night
The words repeating in my head
That’s where this action lead
Gun to the heart
Its action kind of tart
Hands shaking
Body aching
Life is always short
Now I’m in the devils fort
Waiting till I get my revenge
So my life will avenge
Because life is bittersweet
Now your death will be my treat
An overdose on pills sounds nice
That would be an extra spice
Now you’re begging on your knees
This is my moment to seize
Isn’t this […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
So yeah, it’s been quite a while since i last posted here, almost a year i think. Still alive.
Mum found out about my addiction ’cause i told her, she was helpful the first 2 days but then she just starting yelling at me and threatening me and shit, that’s what i fucking need when i try and quit pills and when i have so much anxiety i’m shaking, along with some depression. fucking great.
can’t find a job either, so that’s fun
EDIT: a couple or a few weeks ago i was almost kidnapped, then the next week i got beat up, this week i […]
I feel like that again. Like all I can do is cry. And be depressed. And hate myself. My tears feel like razor blades. My heart aches. Yet again, I’m not who I seem to be. I’m empty. I’m scared… I want to be gone, so no one has to deal with the pathetic excuse for a person that I am. And so I can be done with this. Disgust is the only thing I see in myself. I’m the one who made myself like this. And there is no way to fix me. I depend on pills to keep me alive, to numb my […]
I can’t do it anymore I’m only 14 a girl can only take so much I wish the last time I tried killing myself worked I have noone to talk to so here I am and still people won’t probly care sadly being raped by your father and friend for years and finally getting away and now your stepdad is a creep also is hard for me I try to be a good person and help a lot of people but I have no one but my boyfriend that’s not enough for me I miss my sisters I can’t see them because my family on […]