Why Is It Only Me?

This is the question I ask myself everyday and honestly I don’t ever expect the answer. All my life people have had little faith in me. Telling me I will go to jail when I get older, saying I beat down a girl when I did not, and so much more. In fact I was accused of rapeing my  niece when I LOVE that girl and have told everyone that I always want to be there to protect her. If I raped her that would go against my word AND my morals.  People have told me numerous times I look like a pedophile and that I have the voice of a serial killer. So much pain from everyone. I can only recall the good moments in the mental hospital. The kids who understood me, the adults that showed care and the faith that was had for me. If I kill myself what do I lose? I in fact would be doing my family a favor.  I feel bad that with me all I am doing is costing them money just so I can get help. All I can see at times is cords. Cords that can be fitted around my neck, pills that can be token, and knifes for cutting limbs. Sometimes I don’t see what really I have to lose. If I hang myself and it works no more pain. If I don’t succeed I will likely be slow and mentally disabled for the rest of my days meaning I won’t understand the pain. I also would get alot more love from others since people care more about the disabled then they do what the people who can do stuff.