Threw the dice 1 last time and it came up lose

I tried this time I really did, but it seems no matter how hard I try I can’t be happy and slip back into depression harder than before. I hide behind a fake smile, I always have, but now I can’t even be bothered to put that mask on anymore. I genuinely tried to change my life and be happy but it hasn’t worked, just like the previous times I’ve tried. Therapy has never worked, pills have never worked and trying to be proactive has never worked. Maybe I’m just broke, but the problem is there doesn’t seem to be a fix. I tried to talk to my family, for the first time in years, but none of them wanted to know. My dad hung up on my as soon as he heard my voice, my brother asked if I had changed being gay and hung up when I told him no and my mum told me she had hoped I had died! That’s when my spiral back into depression started. I tried to talk to people at work but my efforts were pretty much ignored and avoided. What’s the point anymore? When every member of your family have told you they wish you were dead is there one? I can’t do it anymore. I’ve got it all planned now and set it all in motion now, nobody will notice and that’s not a lie.