Hello SP friends. I had planned on signing off tomorrow, but see, my fiance has an important job interview the next day. He told me if I were to do anything tomorrow, he’d never be able to go through with the interview and he’d be screwed over, as well as without me in the world. So I decided I won’t do it tomorrow so that he can get his job. I’ll just have to find another day to do it. Until then, I’m listlessly floating through life, spending all of my free time sleeping. Maybe I should be more social? If anyone needs someone to […]
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planned
today was a very odd day for me, one of those “subdued excitements” that I don’t recognize and stop before it comes to bite me in the ass. Excitement just leads to catastrophic levels of disappointment for me. I get my hopes up because my mind comes up with these amazing–and yet, impossible–scenarios about what will happen. And they never happen, even the worst of the best! It’s always just flat-out bad shit that happens. Today was primed to go spectacularly in my mind, even though if it had occurred the way it was planned it still probably would have been shitty. But no! It […]
Our Father in Heaven, blessed be Your Name. We thank you for the grace You’ve given us, for blessings everyday that we’re alive. We’re grateful for Your guidance and the plans You’ve planned for us. Your plans are perfect and you have shaped us to be this way.
As as much as I appreciate Your Love, my Father, I am afraid I am not worth much. Forgive me for my sins. This servant of yours is not holy and is not worth Your Presence. But again, it’s by Your divine love that You’ve picked us up again and again, never leaving our side. Thank you for […]
My life changed 7 weeks ago.
7 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend via email. What was worse, I found out that he planned to fly her out to our home whilst I was visiting family.
I called him on it and I ended up going back to visit the family as planned but knowing this woman would be coming into our home and sleeping with my husband in our bed. I told no-one but the pain was immense.
I felt I couldn’t say that much as we had also been the result of an affair some 19 years […]
Hi everyone I don’t know what I’m gonna get out of this post but I only hope it’s good.
I really want to leave this earth I have a power cord and the staircase from my room that I have ready to hang myself from I have a letter ready aswell.
Im way too sensitive for this planet and I can’t handle all of the hatred everywhere not only aimed at me but at everyone. It’s a hell on earth I live in!
I wish I could block out all of the negativity I’ve tried and tried to no avail the only thing I feel will make me […]
It wasn’t until today ’til I realized the full truth of my procrastination and weakness. Another birthday, a year too long I’ve lived. Another birthday, a year I could have rid of myself. And now what, what can I do but be sad on this day.
I dont have have much extended family, but what I do have of them I talk to about once a year. My cousin was a firefighter in Denver for a while. He was in college doing a volunteer program. On a day stroll he spotted a man laying on a park bench, pour gasoline over himself, then lit himself on […]
Nothing is getting any better. I thought that after cancer I could face anything… that the world had to throw me some sort of bone, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing i wake up for is my job… and here people are constantly yelling. I get scared and i want to be held… but the only man who i trust to hold me cant stay here for much longer. i dont want to rely on him to be my savior. frankly, i’m tired of being saved. I want nothing more than to sleep, but as of late, that’s […]
It’s been what about a month?
I’m not going to say it’s been too long.
Because it hasn’t.
And that may hurt some of you, but I’m not sorry.
Because I’m starting to get better.
Suicidal thoughts do not cloud my mind anymore.
Thoughts of no one caring are not there.
I know some people care.
And I know some people don’t.
I have accepted that.
For those who don’t care I toss them away.
My friend once said to get rid of the toxic people.
So I do.
But sometimes it doesn’t go as well as planned.
Sometimes my friends get mad at me.
I want to die right now. I had some sort of a plan, but now I’m extremely close to just trying the first method that comes to mind instead, and forgetting everything about what I originally planned. I don’t know how to cope with everything anymore, so I’m close to trying to leave this world without taking care of the things I need to first. No matter where I am or what I do, these thoughts are with me more or less constantly, and I don’t know what to do in order to be able to hang on anymore. Needless to say, I shouldn’t do […]
I have been in hell for a few months and stumble here by chance. I’ve been looking suicide and stuff and came across this little paradise people just like me….in hell every waking hour and desperate for a bit of peace. I downloaded the peaceful pill book yesterday and was horrified and both amazed at its simplicity of it all. I’m in my mid forties, have two growing kids, a failing marriage, and a lover which I adore and have been seeing for a year and a bit for it seems he’s getting tired of me and I’m getting tired of so much unhappiness. I’ve […]
It’s hard to imagine after a month of this calm, now that the time has come, I can feel so afraid. Standing at the edge like this, I get it. My suicide is not impulsive. It has been carefully planned. A promise to myself I’ve been making for a year. I will be gone by June. The time has come. I’m in my last week and staring death in the face, I feel this anxiety. But then I think of living, just one extra day past my promise, and the panic is just as great. The guilt, oh the guilt. I’m so sorry for them. […]
So as with everyone alive, I’m on the road to death. I’ve decided that I’m going to chose my exit rather than wait for the road to come to an end.
I’m clearing out my house at the moment, getting rid of all the things I’ve accumulated. Giving away all my nice things, throwing away all the junk. Once the house is cleared out I can get it sold. Get my last will and testament drawn up.
Once those things are complete I will be free to commit suicide whenever I feel like it. I had a plan of what to do once I was free of […]
I am so fucking DONE. I want to die.. well I don’t want to die, but I want this pain to go away. I want the constant numbness, guilt, sadness, and every other emotion to stop. I want these voices to go away and leave my head. I want my father to actually love me! Hell I want my family to actually love me! All they do is tell me that I’m a waste of time, money, and space. They don’t support me. They don’t encourage me to live my dream. They don’t encourage me to get involved with my church, instead they act like […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Georgia_Mass_Choir_-_The_Best_of_My_Story.mp3
where can I go where there is nowhere to go to who can I talk to who isn’t already playing what can I do when they have everything laid out and planned for me already wtf can i get my shock now can I get my whatever the hell they gone give me now I don’t care anymore commit me, kill me, anything is better than submitting. I don’t believe andi don’t have to I lost enough of my soul and I don’t care who don’t believe me: who I am, what I am supposed to be idont care who believes me or not […]
Have you ever did something bad to someone?
Have you ever hurt somebody’s feelings?
Have you ever tought about killing someone?
Have you ever planned to kill someone?
Have you ever desired someone to suffer?
I’ve been thinking about being bad, I’m usually sad, shy and fragile, but lately…
Almost a year, time is passing and I’m stuck here waiting for I-dunno-what to accomplish my plan.
Months , crying, hurting myself, blaming myself, feelin’ sorry for myself, suffering for the choices I’ve made, suffering for the things I’ve done and hating every fuckin’ part of me.
There are things in my life I can’t change, I refuse to deal with that.I’m NOT STRONG ENOUGH, and there’s nothing wrong with that, IT’S OK GIVING UP SOMETIMES!.
It’s ok.
I just gave up, just gave up.
Planned my suicide, everything is settled down, I’ve got what I needed, I’m supposed to kill myself last month, but […]
I’ve decided that I want to do this.
I have everything planned out, I just need to finish writing my letters. A long time ago the plan was to write a letter for everyone who has ever been a part of my life but now I just want to do close friends and family, it’s too overwhelming to try to write something for everyone, especially people who I haven’t talked to in years.
I feel like this is what is meant for me. After years of fighting and hoping and praying I just can’t do it anymore. Nothing is ever going to work out or stay going […]
I’m 16 from a supportive family. I have a Girlfriend that treats me well and I have solid friends. But I can’t seem to take happiness from anything. I’ve planned everything to just give up and leave but I can never seem to take the last step, I really just want all of this to go away but I’ve tried everything, im ready to go, and im just looking for that one little push to tell me its time
My counselor asks me what I’m going to do when my mother is gone. Â Then I’ll be on my own and I’ll be forced to learn how to be viable outside the womb… haha.
I make hints at my true intentions, but she doesn’t seem to pick up on them. Â All she knows is that it will be tough. Â I told her that there would be nothing, but perhaps I think differently than other people. Â Nothing to me signifies blackness. Â I will neither see nor feel.
It’s the only choice given the circumstances. Â Nobody can spare me from being stuck here the rest of my life. Â So […]
Hello
My name is not important and I have been experiencing suicide ideation and fantasy since I was 10 in my memory , likely earlier, 6 as reported by my mother.
I am 21 now and things are more or less as bad as they usually are in my perception. I struggle with self-criticism, anxiety, depression, etc, worthlessness, hopelessness. You know the ropes by now.
I know there are people that love me and people that care, which makes things all the worse. Usually my ideation and fantasy has more to do with the concept of “un-existing” or “erasing” my life. It’s not a spite or glory or […]