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Point Of No Return

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by this.is.me25
written by this.is.me25

Where do I begin………..

Well my mom gave birth to me when she was about 18 or 19. From what she tells me my real dad is a low life dick(excuse my language). Anyways I resently got in contact with him. Things where going great in my life. I had straight A’s, I was very popular, very pretty, guys would fight over me,…….until my 8th grade year. The 1st day back to school was OK, after that everything turned to shit. I started to realize who my true friends were, and that school was the most important thing in my life. In the middle of the school year I started to cut myself.the cuts started off shallow but then grew bigger and deeper. I was at the point of no return. I had a journal that had all the ways I was going to kill myself and how I was going to do it. But one day I had a melt down. My mom found out I was cutting and took me to a therapist. That didn’t help at all. To this day I still wear a fake smile so I don’t have to go back. Resently I have found an outlet. I thought since I Dont get attention at home that maybe I could get it from boys. Well that was dumb on my part because now I’ve been named the slut of NR. Im still a virgin( or however the hell you spell it). I’ve never given anyone a hand job or a blow job. But people assume that just because I prefer to hangout with guys that I have sex with them. Well let me tell you something………. ur the reason I can’t sleep at night, or enjoy time with my friends and family, or even act like myself anymore.I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE! I’ve lost myself by worrying about what people think of me. It literally has ruined my life for me. Most of the time I cry myself to sleep. The only thing keeping me alive is my mother and I thank her for that. She’s what keeps me strong through my depression.

 

Thank you so much for reading me go on and on about my life

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Sunny

by FriendOfAFriend
written by FriendOfAFriend

Sunny yesterday my life was filled with rain.

I have given up to the point of no return, I can’t get out of bed, I don’t go to school, I don’t do anything but sit on my lazy ass all day. My dad has decided to not pay for post secondary, he however will pay me back for every semester I pass , that seems fair to me, it makes for a better excuse as to why I don’t want to go, it’ll be because I’m “saving up “. Im so content with mediocrity  it’s pathetic I don’t want to strive for anything better i just want to lie down and die. I want to cut through my skin until I feel some kind of pain cause god do I ever feel numb. I don’t understand why now, I was doing good for a few years now and suddenly out of the blue uninvited I have no motivation for anything. I’m probably going to fail school at this rate.

At work someone in Re: Flowers had said, why spend money on something that is just going to die.Life is kinda like that isn’t it?

Sincerely,

Friend of a Friend

 

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The Everlasting Circle of…

by Nathaniel_Morisawa
written by Nathaniel_Morisawa

Often times I wonder how I reached this point. This point of no return. Of an endless repitition of internal suffering. I can’t really think of an answer. Perhaps that means that I was just destined to be this way.

Many different people think the solution is simply, talking  about your feelings or seeing a shrink or just looking at life at a different angle. But they’re all wrong. Because no matter what people say on the outside, you’ll always be that suicidal kid (no matter how old you are, actually) and despite all of the nice things they’ll say, no matter how much they tell you that they like you or that you deserve to live, deep down they’ll never see you as being good as someone else who’s “normal.” In fact, whenever the opportunity should arise, they’d pick a normal person over me and you any day.

That’s just the never-ending rut you put yourself in by telling someone about your thoughts. It’s terrible for sure, but it’s the truth. Especially if you’re a suicidal guy. If you’re a girl, guys will just use your pain to take advantage of you, since it’s an “easy way in.” So in a sense, I can never really tell anyone about my suffering until after I’m dead, because for every single set of ears that hears my story, they’ll start to feel sorry for me and look down upon me and wish that they’d never found out my truth.  And I’ll have done nothing but burden them… Or maybe, have done nothing at all. Sometimes I don’t know which is worse. And every time I text them or call them to engage in something else aside from my suicidal feelings, they’ll look at their phone with my name flashing and think, “oh shit, it’s him. I really don’t feel like dealing with him right now.” And maybe if one of their friends are around, the friend will ask who’s calling and of course, they will say, “oh, it’s this one guy who’s really depressed and wants to kill himself.”

This post is really unfocused. Forgive me for that. I guess I want to conclude it by stating how much I hate people who really believe that they can end my suffering by: 1)knowing about my suicidal thoughts or 2)talking to me about my suicide or 3)knowing my whereabouts or 4)appearing to harbor a genuine desire to help me. In every case, I’ve become nothing more than that “suicide case.” and no matter what I do, I can never become more than that. Once a suicidal, always a suicidal.

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Don’t know what to do…

by Danoymous9
written by Danoymous9

So this is probably going to sound dumb but I’m extremely depressed over my recent break up I don’t want to go into details because I feel it won’t help. After my break up things began to get worse, I found out my grandma is very sick and is getting worse each month and there’s nothing I can do for her at all, can’t even see her. I haven’t been able to make enough money to stay in school and financial aid keeps denying me, my friends just don’t seem to understand my struggles in my life and kind of seemed annoyed that I keep bringing certain things up. I also feel like nothing in my life seems enjoyable anymore. I’ve been through a hard break up before and I’ve never been this heart broken to the point in which I’ve done and thought terrible things. These past two weeks I’ve been on and off hurting myself to ease the pain in my heart, I’ve also had thoughts of just not living anymore because I feel useless. I’ve been thinking of seeing a therapist but the thought of me talking to a stranger face to face about all my problems seemed kind of weird to me since I didn’t trust this person, plus the cost of seeing one is way too expensive for me with no insurance.  Right now I think I just need some good advice to prevent me from going to the point of no return.

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13 Strong.

by hoping....
written by hoping....

why do people hurt themselves? why do they want to die? because they believe, TRULY believe that their lives are a living hell. that there is no way they can ever go back and change it. that there’s no way out. is that true? is there a point of no return? well, that all depends on the perspective. everyone, everywhere, any situation can be changed. you can always go back and change yourself and your life for the better. i know because i was there, i was hopeless. that’s what i thought, but i was so wrong. if you’re still reading this keep reading…for everyone that doesn’t already know, I’m 13 years-old. i used to fantasize about killing myself everyday, i used to cut myself everyday just to see how much i could bleed. it was almost like a contest to me, to see how far i would take it and see how far i could go until i couldn’t anymore. I’m recovering from an eating disorder. well disorders. i was bulimic and anorexic, but those stories are for another time. but please know for everyone out there that thinks there is NO way out. there is. you just need to decide for yourself when you’re ready to stop being afraid of happiness and when you’re ready to start living again.

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Family & Friends EffectsStories of Loss

by pammy
written by pammy

I really have no excuse; I have a good job, one I worked hard to get, I have money in the bank and few debts. I am reasonably healthy, although a little overweight! I have two children, boys, one employed one in college. I even own my own home.

So let me tell you a tale of woe, and you can judge me for yourselves.

Fourteen years ago I lost my husband to a sudden, unexpected heart attack. My parents did not bother to offer support until made to by my siblings, who were great at that time.My boys were only six and two.

Then I found out that my boys had been sexually abused, this came out as the boys attended bereavement counselling. This gave certain people ammunition to attack my parenting and my children. My mother was especially vocal, normally in writing.

About four years ago I finally snapped and applied for a non contact order against my mother as she accused my boys of stealing from her, even though she had not seen them for about eighteen months; I stopped taking them due to the tension during family visits.

I don’t know what she told my siblings, but suddenly I was the family leper, no longer part of the family.

So now I have lost my family as well as my husband!

Two years ago a beloved Uncle died, but I was not welcome at his funeral and felt so angry at the family, but felt powerless. So I just sent some flowers. Last week an Aunt died, and its the same all over again. I am powerless to pay my respects to a loved Aunt because I tried to protect my children.

My son has just lost his third job in as many years, the economic crises is to blame, my youngest is rebellious to the point of no return, he ignores my every word! But not their fault, just circumstances. Yet another point against my parenting skills!

After a bout of sick leave, following a cancer scare, I have recently returned to work, but feel out of place. I have great friends at work, so I have no justification for these feelings, I just feel so lonely and ‘left out’, but have no just cause!

Today I spent my lunch break, all fifteen minutes of it, crying at my desk. I came home and both my boys are out with friends. I am stuck at home with the telly and my lap top. Its pathetic, I know. I am so pleased my boys have friends, and feel bad that I would even contemplate leaving them on their own. But, today, it seems worse than ever. I have been pacing the floor, hoping one of them will come home, to stop me from being ‘silly’. I have even written my goodbye letters.

I know this is wrong; it is selfish, self pitying, a cowards way out. I say I love my sons, but would I even contemplate this way out if I really did? I don’t know, but at least it is making me stop, for now.

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