Inside my weird, rambling mind:
“I haven’t done my laundry in ages but too lazy / too tired to do it”
“Just took me a hot shower…feel better. But I’m sitting here in my underwear bc all my clothes are dirty. Luckily, I still have some clean underwear.”
“I’ve been having horrid headaches the past week. I should prolly get off the internet and kindle, but then what am I gonna do?”
What are your random ramblings?
I told my wife that last week I was deeply depressed, and we processed by feelings. If I had told her that I was severely depressed that would have had undesirable and unintended consequences. This morning I told her that I felt better which in some self-delusional sense is true. But I also told her that I thought of suicide, and it’s as if she was shocked. Last year I had a major depressive episode and had acute suicidal ideations. I told her that I expected that I would suffer with suicidal thoughts at least for the foreseeable future and maybe even for the […]
“If only there was a way I would not see another day. A year has gone without these thoughts in my mind, but now that peace is all behind. Another sleepless night beneath an indifferent sky convinces me that I should die.”
What a pathetic excuse is this gallows poetry. It’s typical of me. A useless narcissistic ploy to call attention to myself by some second grade rhymes.
The truly exceptional people in this world don’t need to call attention to themselves. It’s only an arrogant fool who needs to compensate for his inferiority by saying, “Look at me! Look at me! See how clever I […]
I have anxiety, stress. When I wake up everyday I am in a state of panic. It takes about 30 mins of meditation to slow to heart rate from about 130 down to 70 beats per minute. My girlfriend says I shout in my sleep sometimes. After I slow my heart I can think straight again. But it takes about another hour before I can actually eat anything. So I get up every day around 6.
I can feel my heart all the time. When someone says something to me, I can actually feel how my body has reacted to it in my pulse and in […]
Have you ever felt like you were living on borrowed time? Got up in the morning to a cool, icy, winter sun and felt that you weren’t alive? That everything in this world is too surreal. That you are nothing but a mere spec of dust floating in the glow of the sun. Whirling and twirling, Being inhaled and exhaled by the world and it’s inhabitants. Or have you ever felt even smaller than that? Just one single atom. So miniscule that no one can truly define you beyond the others that surround.
Have you ever felt like you are part of the uniformity of society? […]
Sitting there alone, on a bitterly cold night. The icy air, causing little bumps on the back of her neck. She sat there, smoking the real world away. Falling further and further from reality. Each breathe filled with smoke. But her mind numbing. Forgetting. Falling. Each exhale of smoke dancing through the air. Swirling and twirling til it disappeared.
I DON’T WANT TO LET YOU WIN! I REALLY DON’T! .. but its the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face and it hurts so so bad. I want to fight but only for so long. I want to be better, I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Why can’t it just stop. If there are miracles then why can’t I be blessed with one. I fucking deserve it. Why can’t I just go to the store and end up with my soul mate. Why am I so alone? I don’t know if I’m strong enough anymore. There is still something there though, this little tiny […]
I seem to stumble on this website at the oddest hours of night.Â
It’s only 4:43AM, and I can’t sleep. This is a self induced insomnia. For the first time in ages I scored Adderall and I felt like myself this evening. All good things come to an end, I’m facing the enviable come down. Maybe it’s my brain reeling from the dopamine flood it just endured. I’ve just gotten to thinking that being a depressed addict is probably one of the worst illnesses in the world. Use to live, and when the dope runs out, curl up and die.
It makes me nostalgic. I miss when […]
I really don’t understand myself. I just got back from my Prom, and I have to say it wasn’t as bad as I expected, but that’s because I had no expectations at all! Anyway, for some of it, I was really really happy and I danced and laughed and had a lovely time. However, for other parts, I just sat staring into nothing and feeling numb and wanting to die. This also happened whilst I was on the dancefloor, and I just stayed there awkwardly dancing and wondering how easy it would be to just do it at that exact moment, like jump from the […]
Sorry if the title was a bit confusing, I had no idea how to write it..
I’ve known about this site for a while now, however I’ve been depressed/considering suicide for longer than I can remember.
I have one person in my life that I feel comfortable talking to; she knows about the depression, self esteem issues etc, however I don’t know how much more to tell her.. There’s no one else I can talk to about this, but at the same time I don’t want to upset her/cause her to talk to someone; I don’t want any future suicide attempts stopped because she got help.
Anyway, I […]
I am writing this not so much so people can comment, but because I know writing it down makes it a little easier and I find it alot easier to show/talk about this to strangers rather than feeling like I’m a nuisance to my friends. Also, I’m just going to stick to the main events, seeing as the others aren’t that important.
Last year I had a suicidal friend. He was like a brother to me and after the first time he told me he felt suicidal, I could tell the signs for the future. When I could see the signs or if he told me […]
Thursday morning… This existence is painful, I cant take it anymore. I have no friends all of them have betrayed me, or fucked me over. My family offers no support with anything that I’ve ever done. Every girl I’ve ever met has used me, cheated on me, then got their new boyfriends to bash me. I was abused as a child by step father, and abandoned my real father. Every choice I’ve ever made has been wrong in someones eyes. My best friend overdosed on ice, and has been in a psych ward for the past 3 years, he doesn’t even know who I am. […]
Sorry, everyone, but tonight you are going to read what my best friend so aptly describes as “The inessential ramblings of a disconsolate teenager”. I write on many subjects, love being one of them. This is meant to be a song, but I can’t write music, so it’s just lyrics. I wrote this a few weeks ago. For all of those heartbroken tonight, I feel your pain. As always, FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED (as are suggestions for a title).
I used to try
To separate reality from the lie
To keep my dreams distant
Especially while you were present
Because my mind has a mind of its own
It has a […]
Please log in to report posts