well today was almost the day. why it wasn’t isn’t really important here. but the means, the opportunity and the will are all there. i really don’t know why i have fallen into the pit. i have been crying a lot (read everyday), angry, etc etc. you know the drill. after that then there is a certain kind of numbness. i am purposely withdrawing from the world, life. then the physical stuff isn’t exactly helping either. the near constant stomach pain whether i eat or not, various wounds from months ago that are not healing. chest pain and fatigue just for shits and giggles. yes […]
Alina, I had a dream of you; even though, I’ve never seen you..
I promise, we were just friends, but I know it can never but will it ever..
In that dream, it was cool but too good to be true in the chill house..
We were just pals and I punched you softly on the stomach..
By the way, I’m the type that never have dreams anymore..
I can’t remember the last time I touched somebody..
It felt real, we smiled and I never awoke.
I like a lot of things about this site but the one thing I like is that there is a lot of compassion and understanding but also honesty. I think that if you post your thoughts, expect to get real thoughts in return. If you can’t accept honest feedback… and maybe I’m just totally losing it now since I will die next week but I find it funny that someone deletes another person’s comment to their post but then comments on the deleted comment.
I cut myself and I do it cuz I think it would make me feel better…my girlfriend told me yesterday that she didn’t love me and that I was wasting my time with her…and that its over…i loved her so much that I would have died for her as much as her best friend…her best friend was cutting her self too…and now I finally understand y… Her best friend said she would die for me and I thought that their is only three people who care about me and my ex girlfriend is not one of them…my family doesn’t love me…they all hate me and […]
where nothing feels real?
and you struggle to maintain a certain level of normalcy when you’re talking to people?
when all you’re really thinking about is:
cutting. slicing your skin and seeing blood, red against the tan of your skin
jumping off the roof off the university health center, the one with the National Suicide Prevention Month poster in front of it, wouldn’t that be ironic?
sticking your head in an oven, a la Sylvia Plath…would it hurt? would you be able to withstand the pain? imagine the faces of whoever finds you. blood and brains splattered all over the kitchen, your burning corpse against the open oven door
cutting.
burning your […]
Enough is enough. I am a human I live in this world. You can go an lo screw yourself. Oh so you will bring me down? Good luck with that cuz I’m a real gangsta haha no I’m not really. But you know what you haven’t been through shit so don’t look at me and act like you’re gonna harm me cuz only God can harm me. I am a part of god. I am a part of the angels light. My soul is a part of this world. This world belongs to me as much as it belongs to you. Go fuck yourself this […]
– in beautiful sutra –
I am the dying flower
My binary, a baby-child that became
Your cosmic, Gaia sings to me as a ghost
In the melody; I wish I was alive, it says
But I know, such fate does not exist in my path
I am for eternal, I have fallen and failed
I am a ghost, I no longer exist as you do
An echo of an abyss, my forsaken shell
In nature, take me to my burial
Through spike-chains of heaven and hell
My thrust is of another space, too ethereal
To the death, golden sands, let me burn as the sun
Maximized Iron-Age course in my […]
I can’t pretend that I know what love means, neither how it dies. I lost control, everything around me goes on but doesn’t move. Maybe this was real love, too late we realized about what we had and lost. I’ve wasted so many years my love. I wouldn’t like this to be my conclusion.
i found this site when i was in grade 7. i’m going into grade 10 now. in the span of three years so much has changed. when I was younger i didn’t understand why some users posted the things they did, but i gradually began to deeply sympathize with their emotions of anguish and sorrow.
i’ve been visiting here more frequently as of late, and it feels like more and more people are joining. is that a good thing? maybe it’s just me
this place is special. i often wonder about everyone that’s come and gone. what was their story? where did they go? the fact […]
Why do people always tell you to just be happy? My ex always used to tell me that if I act happy I’ll eventually be happy.
Thats such bullshit though. I hate it. If you go through your whole life just faking a smile, how are people supposed to know the real you? Oh right, no one really cares about the real you. Do you believe that there are genuinely people out there that not only just accept your flaws but actually love them?
hanging is supposed to be a sure fire method, I was putting all the pressure on my carotid and jugular veins, and nothing. sat like that for a half hour and nothing. nobody cares about me in real life. my family only speaks to me if I speak to them first. the one I love, who is truly the only person that’s Ever made me happy, won’t come home and let me help him. I wish I had someone who cared about me half as much as I care about him. but no, he ‘belongs’ in Kentucky, where he ‘doesn’t fit in’ and we both […]
We’re all just stardust. Nothing that I feel matters, but it’s funny how the emptiness and unhappiness feel so real.
I had a real bad night last night. Barely got any sleep cos of these withdrawl symptoms I’m having.
I have been on Cymbalta for the past 5 years. The first doc who put me on it didnt care. So I ended up monitoring myself. I then learned from the 3rd doc I went to that I was taking well over the recommended maximum dosage-120mg I was taking 240mg most days! That was a clue that it wasnt working. So over the next 3yrs I tapered down to 60mg. Now my doc (the 8th doctor ive seen) has finally listened to me after nearly a year […]
Right now, as of this moment and the myriad of moments preceding this one, I am terrified.
Why? I don’t know.
I suffer from a fear that I cannot name or pinpoint.
It’s not a fear of something real. It’s not a rational fear, proportionate to the degree of danger I’m facing.
It’s an all-consuming entity, enraptured with me and enveloping me in its inescapable grasp.
I work a job, something that I’ve been able to manage (to some extent) for about a year and a half now.
I’m about to start a new work schedule, and I’m working a bit more than I’m used to.
Even though I know I can […]
I hate my body I really don’t know what to do in life I have no talent n I can’t be of any use to anymore we’ll at times that what my stepdad thinks. But I sometimes believe him I wish I wasn’t in so much pyshical pain n to try n get better while waiting I feel so scared n wonder about how am I still here. It’s difficult right now my body feels like a accordion I hope I spelled that right cause certain areas of my body feel either twisted or stretched out why is there hope… but I want to talk […]
I was born in California. I am 23 years of age. I’ve never had a real relationship with any guy. When I was young I was rapes by my own family member. I’ve never been allowed to go out at nights. They raised me indoors, except going to school. I do not work, I don’t have a car or a boyfriend. I see people being successful while I’m still stuck at my parents house doing nothing except playing video games. I’m not pretty, I’m fat. I have ugly toes and a belly that looks like it has been squish. I’ve been thinking of taking my […]
I know what I want to do. I’ve always known it. Yet somehow it never gets done. I asked my therapist to just think of me finally getting everything he ever thought I would enjoy. People don’t think that way; especially not therapists. I am ashamed of my feelings. I think of all of the people who will die today; many of whom have very real reasons for wanting to live. I just think why can’t it be me? If X number of ppl need to die today why can’t one of them be me. A person who doesn’t want to live anymore. Do any […]
Some time life’s great tell you realized your quest in life Is Worth it but only to you .in the end do people really care about u .or were u just part of a lust full delusion of an illusion. I’m happy in life and have no real issues to speak of ..but I feel like seeing what’s in my next life .
So I ended up here because I thought I might meet people who think and feel like me.
Every single post makes me feel as if it was mine. But the thing is that here or in real life I’m not able to confront my fears of being rejected and meet new people.
So I thought maybe if I stated my centers of interests I might meet someone who share them.
1. I’m a BIG HUGE fan of Ken Follett.
2. I’m a pianist and I love music above everything else (not only classical but also rock and alternative, my favourite band being Coldplay)
3. I love reading and building […]
