A scamming thief conned me out of $28000 in loans which have never been paid back and now I’m so broke, I can’t even pay for utilities or food. Then last week he even went and robbed my house of every single item of value, plus many, many items that are so sentimental and irreplaceable. This on top of the fact that I was barely surviving to begin with. He took away whatever fight that I had left to live. I’m done. I’m so stupid. He played on my sense of empathy and compassion and used, lied and scammed me until there was nothing left […]
Tag:
real
really, its real and it never goes, the addiction to think about ways to kill yourself is so strong, i even dream of it, how peacefully my body will lay, how i will leave everything here and how.. all i have done, all people have done to me will disappear. there will be nothingness and i will sink in the ocean of infinite security. i need this place, i need to feel safe from all the fight, all the hatred, all the people.
” Here are some obvious things about the weather: It’s real. You can’t change it by wishing it away. If it’s dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can’t alter it. It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row , BUT It will be sunny one day. It isn’t under one’s control as to when the sun comes out, but come out it will. One day . ”
I am not depressed. Or so I’m told anyway. Great stuff. Except that doesn’t relieve the crushing weariness which makes everyday life unbearable.
Aparently I cannot be depressed as my semi conscious, morose state isnt constant. No, I have days of energetic, paranoid agitation; bizarre periods of un-lucidity in which nothing seems as real as it should and believe it or not, some days of relative normality. Unfortunately however, accordong to some of the small army of doctors ive seen, the presence of these other states exempts me from any kind of medical inerest or help. They were not […]
Let’s say heaven and hell were real, would hell be a place on earth? All of this hate, anger fueled by lust, greed, power. If we were really the way “god” wanted us to be, then what is god? Is he hate? Anger? Lustful? Greedy? Or is he just puppeteer who get’s a hard on when he cuts one of the strings from the marionette? What if after we die, we keep on being reincarnated, to live this hateful torturous life for all eternity? There never really is an “end”, even when we live, we’re not really living.
Sit on the sand,
No other hand.
Sit there alone,
Heart cold as stone.
Sit there at night,
Have no more fight.
Sit there and think,
Sit on the brink.
Sit there and hear,
The ocean real clear.
Sit there under the moon,
Time to go soon.
Ocean is rough,
Life is too tough.
Sit there, ready to jump in.
Sit there now,
Death it will win.
Stars in the sky,
Don’t want to cry.
Just make it real fast,
So the suffering won’t last.
It is said that one of the signs of depression is lack of interest in outside activities. But what if this world has such inane values that those activities simply hold no interest for us? Sports, for instance. Making lots of money. Marrying well. etc. An introspective person has little use for the frills and spills of a stupid world. We might enjoy yoga or sunsets or the ocean, something real, like a kitten or a puppy. But we don’t care who wins the blasted basketball game!
Around this time last year, things were going so well. Was working towards a job, was feeling positive and got a real pretty girlfriend.
I didn’t really get the job in the end, I felt really shitty, and me being schizo I went on a rampage took it all out on my gf, and lost her too…
I was so fkin heartbroken I vowed to myself I wouldn’t be with anyone else until I had my feet on the ground…
I use to be quite good with women and I kind of just threw it all in the drain on purpose cuz of the break-up and how it […]
Sitting in my room in the dark. No one notices me. I’m alone. Why not just end this misery? Why not end the pain? Why not just make everyone happy and do it? They all want me to die anyways. Nothing matters anymore. Just death. Because Every time you go to sleep you die and someone else wakes up and takes your place. You are trapped in your own mind. You’re life is a lie. A figment of your imagination. There is nothing but death in this place we are forced to believe is real. For nothing is real but death. So why not?
down long rodes we ride
no light insite no end near
scars on my arm like wrighting read only by me
i know evry line ever virse
i know the name of ech of the people who put them there
im a cobweb the strans are cut in to my flesh
i cach no flys just pane and greef
my head is a monster ready to rip my heart out
it sends me screeming in to the nigh
“that girls not really there”
the girl at the end of my bed isunt there
the blood on the floor isunt there
im a child […]
I’ve decided that night time often is the worst time of day for me. How cliché – the worst comes with the darkness. I don’t like the dark. I’m sat in it now, with the dim light of my laptop illuminating my typing fingers and not much else. I try to familiarise myself with it, to know that I’m safe in my room when it’s dark just as much as when there is light.
I don’t know why this fear came back. Honestly, I do not understand, I got over my fear of the dark when I was a kid… but this past year or so, […]
Love makes my life horrific, I’m an Indian, I didn’t get love from my family when I’m younger it’s becaz of my father domination & I couldn’t able to tell to my father anything, I spent my childhood in my grand ma home, after death of my grandfather i came to my father’s home age of 13, upto that time I spent a silent life, after reaching my home suddenly it became violent, so I thought to have a love life but unfortunately I didn’t get that too instead of love i was been cheated twice.
I can’t able to tolerate the pain so long, this […]
No worth in putting up with bullshit just to save nothing but a pathetic little thing ready to be thrown away. I see a lot of people marking their leaving with their birthday. Well, mine is this Tuesday. Still stumped on what I should do. I only thought of it today. I almost have no motivation to even come on SP anymore. But my mind is clearer when i expel my muddled brain somewhere. And, well, if I’m going to do it, may as we’ll keep it hidden from the real world and be able to go through with everything more easily.
You know that feeling in life when you’ve got to do something, but you don’t want to. You can’t get another person to swap places with you. No trades, exchanges, deals.
My deal is that I have to go see a doctor later this month and I already know I’ll have to undergo an operation. Can’t really get anyone to step into my shoes and take a vacation instead. Yeah, because it’s my body and my problem. Then I began to think what if I did not exist, then there would be no operation either. I’m not fond of doctors, operations, hospitals at all, so of […]
Lately, I’ve found myself feeling more lonely than before but I really can’t complain. My eyes have been opened to many different observations. Right now, I’d just like to rant about one in particular. I can post a blog on here, and usually I get about 5-10 comments of support or people asking questions, etc. Point being, someone will reply. Maybe not right away, but someone will take the time to make an effort. I greatly appreciate it.
However, most people in real life have friends or at least concerned aquaintences..right? Majority of people…So, over the course of the past week or two, I’ve been getting […]
A love
I wish I could handle well so that my smile could be real
I am sorry but I want to have a contract which lasts forever
If you are the one, if you were the one
This tablet does not do to me at all today
I will take one more to see if everything changes
If you were the one
Attention please attention pleaaaaaassszzzu
You know that, you know who I love
My mask is not old, I can still use it
Everything is for you
I’m May, and turning 15 this year. Just your typical teenager with normal problems like depression. Haihh. I don’t know where to start. I think I’m being selfish by having problems cause I have shelter, food, clothes, and everything. Well, that’s what my “friend” says. That I should be grateful. I have been thinking about suicide. But I don’t have the guts to do so. I love my grandma to bits and would do anything for her. I’m kind of a loner since I don’t have a friend I could trust. I have acquaintances at school, people I talk to and pretend to […]
I was born to parents with a failing marriage. My father is an alcoholic and cocaine addict, now in recovery. My father cheated on my mom which eventually led to divorce. I still don’t know the real reason behind what happened. My father was barely honorably discharged from the military. Since I started school I would take in everything and not do any work and not turn anything in. Before you ask, no I do not have ADHD or any clinical diagnosis besides chronic depression. I am an avid musician, I’ve traveled Europe with a music group..I still want to end this life though. I’ve […]
Life itself is meaningless.. no real reason to try.. at anything, even goals set in strive…. plummet like an insignificant shirker…
Ugh… the joys of yesterdays tainted upon tomorrow’s dread..
A life lived in agony and deceit..
No real reason for posting.. possibly the inevitable delay in death which isnt of my own hands… if only… such strength would allow me.. yet ties to this forsaken earth keep me from spreading the wings of death
What real point do I have here?
There isnt one… take it in strife and do not reply but yet grant me the serenity to express that which needs forclosure… that which is this life………
“Meh […]
Through the eyes of a child,
Everythings new.
The whole world around them,
All that they do.
All that they see,
All they can feel.
They learn it from us,
And they learn it is real.
They learn how to love,
They learn how to hate.
Growing each day,
They learn even more.
Some live in good homes,
Some get kicked on the floor.
Life teaches us well,
That we’re really alone.
Life teaches us hell.
To be as cold as a stone.
Do unto others,
As they would do unto you.
What a lie that is,
Coz they’ll still screw you.
In the end […]