My life has finally come crashing down once again. So much has happened in the last 48hrs, too much to handle, and it’s too late to fix anything. I feel so overwhelmed right now. I fucked up. In so so many ways I have fucked up. 48hrs is so short, but trust me, I’m too late.
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I have become increasingly withdrawn from people in the last few months and in doing so I have improved my physical health and acquired new hobbies of reading and piano, which I neglected for a long time. I’m in college now, but I was wrapped up in a materialistic/superficial mindset ever since middle school and I feel like I’m just starting to get to know myself again. So I feel good about these growing aspects of myself but am constantly plagued by guilt of questioning whether I’m an “evil” or bad person…I know these can be symptoms of depression. I don’t feel that I can […]
So I’ve been alone for a long time, practically all my life. And this recent suicidal phase I’ve gone thru hasn’t helped that at all. Scarred myself up good I did. Even slicing my arm open on a hacksaw by accident one day. I’ve grown a loving for the color black and everything about. In color theory, it’s either the presence of every color or the absence. I like to think every color is present.
But anyway, I’ve made plans and I’ve screwed it into my head that I’m probably going to end up dying alone in my old age. And I think I’m prepared for […]
There was a time in my life, not so long ago, when I could pass for normal.
Probably because, for all intents and purposes, I was normal.
I did normal things, ate normal food, took normal shows, I was thoroughly unexceptional.
Not to say I’m exceptional now, but you get my meaning.
No one ever said it’d be easy to get back to that place in my life.
But for the first time in a long time, I can see the horizon.
Those bastards were right, time must heal all wounds.
No longer am I taking one step forward and two back.
I’m making progress.
Two steps forward, one step back.
Now only a million […]
i war with myself constantly, going from extreme highs to lowly lows. I don’t know what to do, I always over react and I always make mistakes, I’m like a sporadic pendulumI swing from doing what’s right and what’s wrong so quickly. my life’s a mess.in the long run I think I’m going to get a truck and I’m going to do some traveling probably go from one corner of the Americas to the other. and in the end of find a nice quiet and beautiful place then I will remove my stained from humanity. in the end I guess nothing was worth it, we […]
I have a problem. The first step is admitting it, right? That is what they say on TV. So I am going to put on my big boy pants and fess up… I’m addicted to pills. Sleep aids, cough medicine, herbal supplements, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, anything! Let’s put it this way, if I am taking a walk and see a blister pack on the ground with one mystery pill inside, I have to restrain myself from picking it up. I’ve stolen medication. I’ve taken handfuls of it. I’ve lied to get it. I just can’t seem to stop. But it’s only because I a so […]
well just to start i was adopted young from poland. there was alcohol and abuse, and i was in really bad shape when they got me outta there. i have ptsd from everything. that abuse. now i feel like i can do nothing right. im out of school, doing online classes instead. im severely isolated. i dont go out to exercise and im starting to put on weight. i find myself unnatractive. people have never liked me. idk why. i have a gf right now. she lives in canada. and we’ve never met. its online, but she aint a catfish cuz we have skyed and […]
It’s 12:57am and depression just hit me again. I just wanted to write here cause i have no one to talk to. I just want to feel okay. Im glad I found this site, this is my second post. This is where i let it all out, write what i feel, but there is still something i cant express. So im trying to write more. I dont know if someone cares, but i do this to help myself.
I was at the mall with my boyfriend this afternoon. I was happy that time. I couldnt ask for more. But i’ve just found out that his ex […]
I swear that if hell exists it must be similar to the physical pain I’m feeling right now in all the right side of my face and head, combined with the psychological pain I have usually.
Good news is that I can’t have both at the same time so, for now, the psychological one is gone.
However, I could shoot myself right now to stop this horrible pain.
This is a stupid post and has nothing to do with the main topic, but it’s 2:45 in the night, I’m kind of dying and I need to distract myself some way. The pain killer pills are not […]
Hello fellow humanoids,
I am new here, this is my first post, feedback is appreciated.
Recently while delving into the depths of internet suicide material, I came accross a few mentions of how suicide is a very selfish way to die. This rather annoyed me as, on the contrary, I find it a very unselfish, noble way to die. Surely one has a right to be selfish with ones own life? Surely it is those who preach this that are being selfish? They ask us to remain trapped in these useless lives, suffering everyday, just so they dont have to deal with our deaths.
I […]
Well, I’m not sure it’s even called suicidal, but it’s a case if depression either way. But it feels so much more than a depression. All I want right now is to end my life, kill myself, get an early grave. But here’s the fucked up part: I’m afraid of death. I can only imagine that it’s simular to being stabbed multiple times in the heart frequently throughout the day, every fucking day, without dying. I want to end the pain, but I don’t dare. I can’t, but some day I fear that it’ll drive me even more insane. So insane that I actually stab […]
Well.. First of all im a 14 year old boy… Im very sad about what im going through right now. I dont wanna feel like a burden to everyone around me.. Some people call me Handsome,Smart,cute etc.. I know their just trying to make me “feel better” but it doesnt even help me… I dont wanna live anymore.. I have friends but if I tell them what im going through right now they will think im losingy mind… I just wanna die 🙁
I hope this doesn’t happen to anyone here (unless you’re an abusive troll of course). I was banned from two chatrooms and this forum. I was manic and somewhat obnoxious at the time, however others misbehaved too and deliberately stirred shit for me with a loved one. I’m sure they’re still happily included in the respective groupings.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not bitter about it. I would just like to highlight for people the fact that many people with mental illnesses use these forums. Being banned or outcasted from a suicide forum could have quite a damaging effect on that person. Human beings yearn to […]
Alice says hey girl hey, Alice has a cliche question but Alice wonders what your thoughts are on this, Alice is curious to know if you people think that love can save someone from suicide Alice thinks so if it’s the right love in the right situation let Alice know what you people think
Hey, you guys.
I’m feeling extra gloomy today, and this is the ony place I could think of.
I really wish I was dead already, and I wish I were stronger to just do it. I just can’t take it anymore, I’m at that point where you’ve lost absolutely all hope.
I think the only thing stopping me right now is the unbearable feeling that I will absolutely crush my folks’ heart forever. I realize how unfair it’d be to kill myself when they have done nothing but love me and support me all along. But tell me then, what am i suppose to do when they’re gone […]
Hi sweet suicidal peeps. I love you. I’m up in the wee small hours again. No surprise there. I went on a drug called abilify a week ago. At that point I couldn’t take any more suicidal depression. Abilify does a number on you. I can’t sleep, am restless yet terribly fatigued, worried about high blood sugar/pre-diabetes. Yet I have to say it’s stopped the depression, and the effects kicked in real quick.
Abilify also makes me want to eat everything in sight, with unhealthy, fatty, junk foods being the drug of choice. I can’t afford to indulge though. I’m 53 and carrying a lot of […]
I used to love you. But you fucking broke me. I can’t have one normal conversation with another human, I can’t smile. Can’t laugh! Because you broke me. You ****. I hope you rot and are miserable for eternities. I used to only be suicidal, now that’s changed into homicidal. I used to be sad, so sad. That’s gone now. I don’t feel anything, except ANGER now. Pure hatred. I think if it was my choice to let you live or die, i’d finally smile, watching you burn. I fall asleep thinking about, I dream about it. Dream of your death. I fantasize over it. […]
Comrades, we live in a world without justice and evil. I want to tell you guys, that are suffering, that its only bad right now, but that is not the case. It gets bad, then good, and suddenly gets bad again. Possibly even worse than before. But it doesn’t have to stop there. You don’t have to give up just because its bad right now. It WILL get good again. Its almost like the eye of the hurricane. Don’t get me wrong, the actual hurricane is hellish, but the eye is the period of a light breeze, ray of sunlight and nature at its most […]
I don’t think it’s right to pray for anything you wouldn’t be willing to do yourself. So if you’re not willing to kill yourself, it’s probably not right to pray for death.
That said, I don’t always do what’s right. Sorry, God.