Hi sweet suicidal peeps. I love you. I’m up in the wee small hours again. No surprise there. I went on a drug called abilify a week ago. At that point I couldn’t take any more suicidal depression. Abilify does a number on you. I can’t sleep, am restless yet terribly fatigued, worried about high blood sugar/pre-diabetes. Yet I have to say it’s stopped the depression, and the effects kicked in real quick.
Abilify also makes me want to eat everything in sight, with unhealthy, fatty, junk foods being the drug of choice. I can’t afford to indulge though. I’m 53 and carrying a lot of extra weight already. I love rich creamy desserts, sweet things, cakes and doughnuts lol. The thought of cutting out all that lovely stuff and doing aerobic exercise is not appealing right now, though I guess I would feel good and healthy, as well as know that I was doing the right thing by myself.
Part of me just doesn’t give two shits but that attitude will only lead me down the path of more pain and physical distress to add to the mental. Being physically debilitated is no fun…53 is no age these days. I’m grateful I have no chronic conditions apart from my bipolar, and grateful that I can choose to leave the freaking house when I want to.
Our forbears had the right idea. They didn’t expect to live to eighty. This is freaking progress lol. I’m not in pain or distress though as we speak. It’s nice to have a break from constant suicidal thoughts, I won’t lie. And I’m buggered if I’m not going to enjoy the moment for what it is…a release from pain. While I’m about it I might as well register my gratitude for the National Health Service of the UK. Abilify apparently would cost me about $800 dollars a month in the US. Here it costs me sweet FA.
5 comments
That’s great news its working for you. I may have to see if its available here also called aripiprazol or whatever also used to treat depression bipolar and schizophrenia. If so it will be pretty much free for me I’ll have to Google if nz has it ta
Well what do you know free funding here too. Sweet seeing my psychiatrist next week. Worth the try I get desperate reading the title I thought you were just spamming lol
On second thoughts and YouTube n it up there’s heaps of side effects like weight gain and shit and dizzyness
Fill your house with good food ..
Yeah schizophrenia222, I read that stuff about weight gain too! But I’ve only been on it a week. Gotta give it a fair crack of the whip, and drugs affect different people differently. Spamming lol, no! Just bored and restless at 4am this morning and wanted to check in. So you’re NZ huh. My house always tends to be filled with good food lol, I love my food that bit too much though.
Had a great day today, went for a group walk, I was laughing and joking with the others, really on form. People are complimenting me (though really it’s just coz I’m smiling more and animated…no other difference), I’m a far cry from the sad shambling wreck of a short while ago.
But being bipolar, I can never allow myself to be carried away.
Thanks for commenting anyways.