Well, ok I do have SOME reason to be here. I have a story, a few actually, I like to share and write so this site seems perfect for me. But for right now I’m fine, not perfect but fine. I’ll share more of my stories on here later, but for right now I want to get settled in. I’ve been depressed 4 times in my short 16 years of life. 3 of those were real, mature depressions and I’ve been suicidal twice. My last depression nearly killed me. I’ll explain later, but I had also had an anxiety disorder and that opened the door […]
Deep down I knew it all along; I knew I would relapse. I just didn’t know it would happen so soon after I started getting better. Maybe I wasn’t actually getting better? Yeah, I got a job and started doing voluntary work but my mind is still empty. For more than 2 years now it’s been 97% empty, remaining 3% were occupied by my feeling of worthlessness and grief towards life. I stopped daydreaming long time ago. Nothing interests me, nothing bothers me. I don’t think. I’m getting dumber each day and it’s showing. I’m so done.. Even meds stopped working. Sometimes I still […]
I wish I could literally just explode sometimes. People suck truly, we are stupid, naive, selfish beings. And there are people in this world that are aware they are like that and they are perfectly ok with it. I keep having dreams of my ex just these terrible dreams and I wake up feeling the pain from those dreams. There’s things that remind me of us, of him and it makes me angry and hurts me inside. I want so badly to be ok, im tired of the pain of feeling like death would be better than life. I don’t want the bad people in […]
It all feels like a dream right now, like I am no really living, but at the same time I see everything as clear as the day. And it scares me how much I want to end my life when one of my greatest fears is living. I don’t think any of my friends understand how much I am going through.
I want them to understand, I want them to help me, but I know that they can’t because I can even help myself out of all of this. My mom doesn’t believe me when I told her that I might be depressed, she wouldn’t even […]
This is my first time on here. I don’t even know what I am doing. I have suicidal thoughts. I am 40 years old nd feel as though I havn’t amounted to much in this life. I feel like a complete loser. Lost my main source of income a year or so ago. No retirement or savings of any kind. The reason I lost my job is making it very very difficult to get another one. It was my life and passion. I don’t feel that my friends and colleagues listen to me or respect me enough. I am always wrong and whenever I have […]
I was raped when I was 12, but nobody knows about it I tried telling my parents but I ended up telling them I had lied because I blammed someone for it, who wasn’t who did it, it was my grandpa who raped me and I can’t seem to bring myself into telling my parents because I know they won’t believe me and I would be judge but every day I wake up wishing I was dead praying for cancer or a brain tumor, I’ve tried suicide before but all it did was make people judge me and make me feel worst, I play happy […]
So haven’t posted in a while and I guess it’s because things were okay. But since I can’t access my doctor right now, I ran out of my anti depressants and after two or three weeks of not taking my daily “happy” pill, I’ve sunk right back to where I was before. Have you ever felt like you’re body us literally screaming that it’s your time to die? That’s what it feels like now, but of course, a part if me flashes images of my brothers, my Lil sister, the friends I still do care about, and it says that if I die, I may […]
What did I do??Why am I considered a bad person to my family??Something goes missing,Carlos did It.If something happens around the house Its my fault.If I loose something nobody gives a shit.Just when I thought I was getting better my own family Is pushing me.I’m surprised I haven’t killed myself yet.Right now I just need a shoulder & someone to tell that Its gonna be okay.
I can’t sleep again, had to wash down another thorazine. I want to paint the walls red but I know it will get me nowhere but scarred for life however long that spark may live on. I am ruminating on my panic attack earlier this week right in the middle of class, the professor sent me home “sick”, I almost jumped off the roof… But I know better (been there, done that). I don’t want to die really, I just want to be free of turmoil and strife. What happens when we die, what do you think? Are we doomed to repeat this miserable life […]
It’s after midnight and depression took over. I’m sitting in my room with some candles burning and doom metal playing in the background, writing this. I feel alone. Isolated. There is no one to talk to right now. It’s just me versus me. God, it is so tempting to die right now.
Hello everyone, this is my first post, I think even my first post on the internet. I have read alot of your stories and they touched and moved me deeply and brought me to tears. If in some way I could be of help to someone out there just give me a message and I will be there for you. You are not alone in this nightmare.
Now for my story, I am a 32 year old man from the Netherlands, born slighty autistic ( I got traits from Asperger). My life has always been ‘different’ because in my mind I connect the dots different and […]
Everyone is gone for Halloween. Even my lol online friendlist is completely empty, and they are nerdos like me! How come everyone else is having fun on a day like this and I am just sitting here doing what I always do. Oh right, for a second there I forgot I have no friends. Hm, maybe I should acquire some imaginary friends, but they’ll probably dump me as well. I guess that only leaves only the computer. At least he doesn’t judge.
So useless.
Can’t do anything right, can’t do anything well.
Good-for-nothing.
Filled with envy.
Filled with hatred for oneself.
I just want to sleep, sleep forever.
I have this friend who has been clinically diagnosed with severe depression. I have only known her for a little over a year but within that time period we have become so close that now I can call her my best friend and my rock. I have not told her about my depression though, but I think it is better this way. I am afraid to tell her how bad I am because then I am afraid that she will think that I am only making it up to be like her. I am not a conformist nor do I ever plan to be, but […]
Calms me down so much
…I’m giving up on you.
Tonight feels right. My heart is heavy, but this gun feels so light. Tonight is right.
Goodbye.
So for the past year or so ive been thinking about a suicide daily, life’s so hard at the minute.. my ex girlfriend lives two doors down from me which im still madly in love with and think about her daily. its so messed up for me i mean i can get off my bed and look out my window and her windows there.. recently lost my job. can honestly say i have just one friend and shes 41. no male friends. no interaction with girls. removed my fb account the other week. and on top of everything i have a cyst on my bollock […]
I know you aren’t to bring religion onto this site, but it’s important in order to understand why this is hurting me.
I grew up in a strong Christian family. We always go to church and pray and follow the Bible. But that’s the problem. My family had their minds set on what was wrong and right, and they weren’t going to change what they thought. According to the Bible, two people of the same gender are not to be together. But that’s what depressed me.
I met this girl and to me, she was everything that I’ve ever wanted. But again, I was from a “Christian” […]
Lately things have been going haywire for the past few months, and I have finally reached the point where I’m ready to seek help. However things are a bit complicated… and I am unable to receive the help I am quite in desperate need of right now…
I have been depressed for well over a decade to varying extents. Double depression has become somewhat of a norm, I suppose. There have been many times over this period where I have thought I have reached my ‘absolute’ low – and now is certainly not one of them.
Things have just gotten out of control… so much so that […]
Even the dog wants me gone. I heard growling last night & found her staring right at me through the window & growling! Plus every time she sees me she cowers, like I’m gonna hit her. I haven’t done anything except block her escape holes.
The friend has now moved in & I am reduced to staying downstairs, eating muesli bars for dinner, simply cos there’s not enough for me. Not enough food, not enough room.
Oh & those who are wondering, I managed to plead to stay for another few weeks. Not that I think it’ll do me any good.