I looked into a moisture covered mirror, saw a empty reflection of me. I was bothered, I was aware, I was committed. I was not going to wake up from this one. Fabric in hand, slip knot created, over my head and around my neck. Firmly in place, other end put over the door edge, I was in the right place, I was going to watch myself in the mirror slowly hang myself to the end. Red to purple face, veins projecting strongly, eyes growing larger and redder, oxygen depleting, knees weakening. F this, something is keeping me from completing. Another attempt, another failure…Still I […]
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I dont know what to do with myself. My mother told me i failed every class of my sophmore year, that im a failure, stupid, a waist of time, that im on the right way of being homeless. She tells me i cant go to summer school cause she doesnt want to waist her time and that i have to get a job to help myself from now on. I live right down from my school, about one hour walk. I can do it myself. I dont need her to help me. She said i dont get a second chance so i say”But thats the […]
The title describes me completely…I’m a worthless idiot,a pathetic piece of shit…
I fail at everything I do.I do nothing right.Everyone who trusted in me ended up being disappointed by my worthlessness.My parents,my relatives,my friends,my ex girlfriend…And the list of people who I’ve disappointed continues…
Just to show you how much more I can fail,I’ve even failed at dying.Yes,I failed at dying.Two weeks ago I have slit my wrists,but I,being the pathetic idiot I am,was afraid that cutting ”too deep” will give me too much pain…See?I can’t even kill myself right.I had to go to the E.R. and I looked like the complete idiot I am when […]
i’m cutting my fucking self again, i don’t get posting this, but fuck off, i feel so fucking lost right now.
Well, where do I start? I’ll start with the reason I decided to even consider writing this. Well while messing around on my laptop, I realized I haven’t left my room for a week, minus going to the bathroom, eating, and showering. After that I realized I’ve been in my room for a lot of my life. I’m not very close with my mom, I push her away when she tries to get close. I have plenty of friends, I just prefer to stay in my room and talk to people over the internet. I left my room last week to go on a walk […]
This is my first post on this website. I found it while searching how to successfully make a belt into a noose, just so I would always be prepared. It’s exam study week for my university right now, I’m studying science and so far I’ve done fairly well, but my mind is blank this week. I have been considering not attending my exams, I’m not sure why I’m even at university… It’s not like there’s any purpose to it all anyway. I’ve been thinking about staying home and drinking until I have the courage to end it all instead, there’s just no purpose. I asked […]
So, I’ve been spending the past 5 years of my life on a steady downward spiral. I can’t hold a job more than a year. Failed out of college, failed with relationships with both sexes, and destroyed my credit. I feel like everything I touch dies. I can’t get anything right, and its been that way my entire life. I’m at the point that I really don’t see the point in continuing to be another uncontributing wasted resource in the world. I keep thinking I should pull the plug on it. I can’t really shake it. Have you ever felt like you were destined to […]
I am in such a shit mood right now, and I don’t fucking know why.Â
I was all happy and laughing an hour ago, and then I had a shower and hate a complete breakdown in there for 10 minutes. I then kept seeing this girl in there with me and I got really freaked out over it and started having a panic attack because I thought they’d stopped appearing in the bathroom. So I was in there for an extra 25 minutes having a full out panic attack, and then I came out the shower and started blow drying my hair in the kitchen when […]
Weird is planning your kid’s bat mitzvah, studying for the bar exam, talking to your friends like everything’s fine, and making arrangements for your death all at the same time. When I first saw this house I said I would die here. It wasn’t what I meant at the time. but it turns out I was right, nonetheless.
Two nights ago, i was showering because i wanted to self harm so bad and they told me to use that as a coping skill…it worked, until i started shaving my legs hard and fast because I was thinking about it…took a whole chunk of my leg off….good thing it looks natural. I don’t know what I should do for my coping skills anymore. I used to love showers cuz they made me so tired but I always have to shave in them and it just sucks to be around razors right now. any suggestions?
i dont  know how to commit suicide or anything, but if suicide is ones only chance from a life of misery, then its not such a bad idea, right?
I am just after some validation
Basically I cheated on my 20 week pregnant wife with our second child. I am an asshole. Now she is alone, with a 22 month old, no job, no income…. It’s aweful. I want to give her everything. Im not angry at her. She is at me. She doesnt want me to ever see the kids again and that im not a fit parent. And you know what, she is right! I am an aweful person. Im not a fit father or husband. She says she’ll make it hell for me to see the kids… and she will and I […]
This morning I was meditating on sexual abuse because I was abused until I was about 10 or 11 and I’m having a hard time dealing with the grief. And I was asking myself: why are there so many people who stand by and let it happen?
Perfect example: dad abuses kid and mom pretends she does not know, but OF COURSE she knows. She might notice her kid is a little “off”, but thinks they’re still upset about being punished for mouthing off last week. She sees the cuts on her kid (which the kind did him or herself)Â but buys the story about the […]
Has anyone had any success faking being happy? If so, I want to hear your ideas…. PLEASE. Iwork at this job that I don’t like at all and I am so depressed that it is getting hard to get up each day. But, I MUST appear happy at work. Our company serves these rich people and you must be nicey-nice and kissy-butt all of the time. I MUST be cheerful, sunny and bright, no matter how terrible or tired I feel.
I know I’m walking around with this stupid, fake goddamn smile pasted on my face, but I risk losing my job if I do not. […]
Just when I thought that my life was perfect going just right 2 people from my college dare to make me look like such an idiot to my BEST FRIEND! How can they make her choose between me and them, she is my best friend. Now my best friend wants to keep our relationship undercover, how can anyone live like this???? These people do not even know me at all and all of a sudden think that they have the right to judge other people…no one is perfect, especially not them! I feel like my life is crashing down right now and I feel betrayed! […]
I’m just done. I fucked up everything, I’m just done with everything
I’m tired I wish I sleep forever. I hate myself. 🙁 I just don’t feel right anymore , everything is getting more worse. Growning up sucks. I’m sick of this shit , I’ve lost the ability to feel anymore , I don’t know how to feel. I just feel like dying 🙁 !!!!!
So, only 2 tablets for depression and the rest for other things, but they aren’t even making a difference…the doctor says ‘no amount of dosage is going to make this go away so you need to figure out what it is that’s really bothering you’ um, I know full well what bothers me but most of the things that do are beyond my control and I cannot change them. I just don’t belong here you know?
I have online therapy because that was the quickest form of help they could give me…I have been feeling so anxious this week:( I’m not even really sure why, I […]
I guess I should start off with saying that I am a 17 year old Female.
I’ve delt with depression basically my whole life, I can’t really do much about it except try my best to be positive. Life has been pretty hard, I’m not gonna lie. When I was 15 I experienced my first real serious relationship, he was a douchebag (so I’ve come to realize) but at the time I was pretty naive and didn’t see it. He constantly flirted with other girls while we were dating, he cheated on me and then dumped me for my best friend. We only really dated for […]
Fuck all of this… even with you sitting right next to me, suicide is still my first thought… why am I still here; I’m so done with this all…
Yes you. You know who you are…if you could be by my side right now I may feel less darkened by the demons.
I miss you.