We are dying everyday;
Some of us wake up just to do the same routine, some of us try to change it up a bit, and some of us don’t wake up. I get frustrated when I go to do something and then I find it to be futile just because I think about it to hard and realize, what does it matter? I’m going to die anyway; be that in the next five years or the next five minutes. People always go on to say, “Oh life isnt fair,” but it is, what isn’t fair is that we think life owes us something. “Life is […]
It’s been almost 7 years dealing with the same routine. Dealing with these thoughts, emotions, and temptations. I’m just so tired.
And the thing that brought be to the edge, once again, is completely ridiculous!
My father and sister think I’m gay. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to bash on those who are homosexual or bisexual, but I know that I’m heterosexual.
It’s just that recently I’ve been staring at girls for a while. Not with romantic purpose, but instead I’ve been constantly comparing myself to every single girl I see. I see all of them and they are all much prettier than I am, […]
Everything is getting so messed up. I’m just…. I feel unwell and sick and nervous and unsettled and unhappy and I can’t call anyone because no one is answering their phone and I feel lonely and I don’t feel good. :'(
I just said I could work an extra night next week, but on those nights I see my psychologist and I don’t like it when things don’t go in routine. My little girl side of me doesn’t like it and it’s upsetting. I usually get my mum to console me or make my decision for me she’s not answering her phones. She tells me “Call […]
The thing that i hate about therapy is that every time you walk in the first thing they ask you is “how do you feel today?” and honestly when my therapist asks me that question i can never find the answer to it. I do not know how i feel, i am left speechless from such a simple question. Every time they tell me there is something wrong with me, i feel like i am an outcast, being left out from many things because of my depression, taking two different kinds of pills just so i can be normal? What is that? Taking pills to […]
back to my homeplace and I do not the feelings I should. I am not excited or even remotely happy about it. I am frightened. I have the usual, “common”, yet unrealistic anxiety about the actual flight itself. Its the other things I am worried about too. About running out of medication, about having an anxiety attack, about not being able to sleep, about having alcohol, about losing my mind by not having routine, not doing enjoyable activities, having to lie about who I am because my family won’t accept me. I took the vacation in the first place because I needed to escape my […]
I’ve been depressed on and off for about four years. I was in love with a good guy friend of mine. He moved away for a year and began dating his childhood best friend. About a year later I met a guy I liked. He was smart and funny in a dorky way. Things got complicated and it didn’t work out. This is when I first began to experience my depression. I listened to music most of the time, slept long hours, and neglected my homework and chores. I became a recluse. For months I was in a haze, but one day I snapped out […]
You’ve been there, done that.Long, long time ago.Having the hold, the grasp on it.It’s gone now, but it’s back.Existing, but not at the same time. Lingering.
Maybe it’s just a phase. It will pass. Or not.
Who know? No one knows.
So for now, I’ll have to be stand with my feet planted firmly on the ground.
Firmly on the ground for routine.
The routine of what has to be.
For, that is how it has been, how it is, how it will be.
No stopping it now.
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