Be human, they always said. Even when they held me in that bed and punctured my skin with some rusty nails. Be human, they repeated, as they tattooed that triangle in my back and told me that I would be perfect…with those…those things in my head and a black ooze in my veins. They said that those voices that haunted me were just computers repeating what I though, feeding from a certain emotion that they were made to target. Then they said I was the perfect hunter, the pacifier that would save mankind. They said that I was going to be the one that would […]
Just nothing like it.
My chest hurts my mind is throbbing. So much is not right. How did I get here. 27 years of age, no girlfriend and not doing well in school. Is this why I am here? To suffer alone? I am not a cruel person. I love people, I want nothing but to spread joy and fun to others. But for myself I am nothing but a prisoner breaking down slowly but surely. I would give you the shirt off my back just to make you smile. But for me I cannot be saved from this hell.
I have tried to hang in there as long as I could. Waited and waited for the only thing that could save me. But she (and them) chose to let me be. She didn’t find it in her heart to save the man that used to be her entire world. The man who did everything for her (and them) for 5 1/2 years. No, that must have never happened. Our relationship must have never existed. I, therefore, never existed.
It must be a heavy burden to carry. Being the one thing that can save a human life. And yet, when faced with the same choice in […]
But the username misssk88 was one of my best friends. I never got to tell her but I really did care about her… Fuck it, I loved her. I never got to tell her, might as well write it here. Anyway, she left most of her stuff to me in her actual suicide letter, which I may post here, but I still just feel really fucking weird about everything. I saw she frequented this site and for a second I got a sick feeling like maybe people on this site told her to do what she ended up doing… like some sort of weird site […]
Based on the situations in my live revolving around uncontrollable emotional issues that not only affect me, but affect my job, and most importantly the family and loved ones around me, it is best that I not participate anymore in this thing called ‘life’. I have a condition that causes myself, co-workers, and others around me to feel uncomfortable. Some reduce their discomfort by using denial, belittlement and minimization of the seriousness of me and my situation. Life is not enjoyable when you are mentally ill, constantly nervous and in some type of head pain, extremely depressed, hopeless, and feel worthless to myself and […]
… reading about all those people killing (or wanting to) themself makes me everyday sadder… why? why are you doing it? is it possible that there is no way to avoid it? I’m sure there is a way. I don’t even know who those people are… I don’t even know if they really did it… I don’t even know why… but I feel the weight of others decisions on myself… why? Maybe it is because I would save everyone… maybe because I think that it is a waste, a complete waste of hopes and dreams… or maybe because since that day, when I had the […]
During my darkest times in life, I had nothing to resort to but pain and misery, on the brink of ending it all looking down at the depths of it all and seeing peace and happiness once and for all. I thought I could never be saved and nearly killed myself 3 times but somehow I just wouldn’t die. I’ve been to an asylum, etc. talked to various shrinks but at the end of the day, none of it could help, only I could. That was 4 years ago during my junior year of high school when I was displaced from everything I knew of. […]
Just kidding. I have a method, although alone, I loved you.
I really, really wish this would end. I am pretty tired. You, know. That’s a good way to describe it. I am tired.
Holding on, is hard. I just can’t end up failing again. Hearing my mom scream, and cry. That and the hallucinations I experience were basically hell to me.
My mom is a strong woman, she’s been through her fair share as we all have. She doesn’t cry . Seeing her finally cry for the first time in years, because of me, because of my lifeless body .
I can’t experience that again, and , even if […]
I had a hysterectomy at 23. I want a child more than anything. I have paid THOUSANDS of dollars to find a “birthmother” who will place her child with us. We haven’t been chosen.
My husband can’t stand to see me hurt. We are moving in 6 months and will have to give up our home study. He won’t go through it again. Which means this is the end. I don’t get another chance.
Ten years ago I paid $10,000.00 to be a part of an agency. We were matched with a baby girl then we got transferred. I couldn’t stand to move on. I just […]
I’ve been in treatment for suicide thougths in a klinik. But since i stopped i felt the same… The same thougths, the thougths I was supposed to be saved from. So why is they still here? I don’t understand! Everyone thinks im “normal” again, my family. So everyday I walk around with a fake smile. Maube everyone belives it, but the darkness often take over my thougths, and suicide seems like the only way.
The reason that I hated the medication was not only because it made what little wits I had disappear….it was because of the false “happiness” that it seemed to give me. Not even happiness…all it did was tarnish the true feelings of sadness, invalidated it by erasing the memories of what caused my pain. So I was left with the sadness, the depression, but a feeling that I was inflicting it upon myself, making me feel even more worthless. As if this pain was…made up. All in my head. I want to run away into space and never come back. I want to disappear. So […]
I love him and he’s the reason why I’m still around. He doesn’t know it. Any of it. He doesn’t know that he’s saved a life for the time being. He doesn’t know that no matter how much he angers me or gets me in trouble or makes me wish I was dead even more, I love him and I wouldn’t trade a second of our time together.
I love you Jake, I love you, and I’m going to tell you soon.
Coma baby,
With your sick head
The doctors saved you
But you’re still dead
And through your scalp
I would like to reach in
So I could pull out
The monster you’ve been
And you would do anything to
Destroy the body that they rescued
Your sick little head
So brain damaged
And lying in that hospital bed
Coma baby
The cry of your bones
And your skull when it
Split on the road
I wish I’d find all
The lonely remnants
From your head
When it cracked open
And you would do anything to
Destroy the body that they rescued
Your sick little head
So brain damaged
I am all empty inside. I have no friends. I don’t go to school anymore… the things I enjoyed in the past now look dead to me. I tried to end my life while I was on medical treatment for severe deppresion, and I was on a therapist treatment. For a funny coincidence, I ate bad pizza before I took 4 or 5 complete boxes of random medicine I found at home. My stomach was exploding, my heart went all crazy, and at 3:00 am when I thought I was going to die from a heart attack or something, I threw up because of the pizza. Fainted, […]
My name is Jadaen, I’m 14 and I’ve attempted suicide three times. I’ve been bullied since the age of 6 because of my weight and how ugly I am. Im in the 9th grade and I have 2 “friends”. I’ve been beat up to the point where I’ve needed to go to the hospital for a broken rib and a concussion. My teachers don’t do anything about it. I’ve self harmed for 3 years now and my parents called me an attention seeking ***** because they found out about it. The first time I attempted suicide was when I was 11, I had swallowed 5 […]
After spending 4 weeks on a Psychiatric unit/ward I don’t feel much better then I did before I went in, feel a wee bit better but not much.
I really don’t know what I’m going to do with myself I still want to die but at the same time I want to get better, As anyone fellt these emotions at the same time before? I feel that it’s too late for me I car’t see my life with out depression and psychosis.
I see all the people that are fighting for their lives with cancer or other terminal illnesses, And who wants to live. Then they […]
Found in the sea,
Your gift to me.
You saved me that night.
Almost losing the fight.
You left it there,
So I’d know you care.
Found so I’d know,
Wherever I go.
Your soul is with me,
So says the “tree”
But the real treasure is you.
I love you true.
A child that has been mentally bullied and raped may fall into depression. Who would’ve thunk that? Well, apparently no one.
My mom was there. I called her to come and help me but she didn’t do anything. Why didn’t you do anything? You could have saved me then and you could have saved me now.
You too, big brother. You’ve been there in your room, ignoring the screaming, turning your music up so you don’t have to do anything.
Dad, you’re excused. You were at the office all day. That’s not the best way to raise a child but you had to make some income, […]
According to dictionary.com…
Salvation:
1.the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction, etc.
2.the state of being saved or protected from harm, risk, etc
3.a source, cause, or means of being saved or protected from harm, risk, etc.
Why is always easier to be someone else’s salvation?
Why is it always easier (or is for me, how about you?) to be stronger for other people?