So, I found out that one of my friends that I had made a gift bag for didn’t like me, so I decided to mark out her name and put Trevor’s. Well, I didn’t get to give it to him. I went to get my trumpet, and he was in there with two of his friends, Jack and Jacob. They were pointing at my friends, calling them names. I said “If anybody points at me, it ain’t gonna be pretty!’ And of course, all three of them pointed at me. Trevor was closest to me, so I stepped up to him (OH MY GOD HE […]
Tag:
School Tomorrow
I go back to school tomorrow, and im so freaked out. Im practically having panic attacks. Im just scared because i go to an all boys school yet you would think its more like an all girls school, so much bitching and stabbing in the back goes on, and i have no friends, i get called gay by everyone, and every single little action i make, including eating ice-cream makes me gay. And now that im in year 9, everyone is getting worse, now any nice people are just being impossible. I wish i wasnt so mature sometimes, it just makes life more difficult -_-‘
I guess I’m going to be a regular to this site now. Hello, whoever’s reading this. You’re pain has become my drug. Your pain is softer than my own. I found this site about a week ago, and I just keep coming back. During school at break, at work when I have a minute… and now, when I have to wake up early and go to school tomorrow. I lay in my bed, poised to hide my laptop should my parents walk down the hall. I am here once more. Reading, and commenting, and now posting.
You’re pain is distracting to me. I hope to do […]
I’m so angry! Everyday I go to school and I only get humiliated by my classmates. At PE(and other classes) no one wants me as a partner. When I stand close to them they go further away from me and when they have no choice left but to choose me because there is no one left anymore they say ‘Not that one’ or ‘Tsk’ and sometimes they even yell at me if I do something wrong by mistake. I don’t get it. WHY ME? I don’t smell bad and I shower everyday. I’ve done nothing wrong with them to be treated this way.
Everytime they do […]
tonight feels like the night. everything is at its worst. I must go to school tomorrow, face sitting alone and all the people who have turned on me during this short holiday. I don’t want to go back… i dont want to be here anymore, im doing no good being here, im worthless.. tonight may be the night… i attempt.
i love you all.
So school starts tomorrow. I’m so not happy about it. I’m losing my best friend to someone who’s just like her, and apparently is so much better than me. Clearly, everyone’s better than me. Last night, I was alone. I could barely breath, I just felt like a huge weight was on my chest. I cut my leg with a razor blade that I’m going to take to school just in case. The past couple days I’ve been numb. I can’t feel a thing. I’m so depressed recently. I’ve stopped eating as much as I used to, and I rarely laugh. I was […]
I really don’t feel like typing all of this out again, so I’m just gonna copy the text I sent my friend then eplain a little maybe
” Idk if I told u what happened Thursday but I don’t really wanna talk about it anymore. And today I was actually convinced that I didn’t exsist until Nick came up to be friendly which he will never know how much that meant to me. I’ve never been closer to a breakdown. Desks would have been flipped and then I’d probly fall to my knees and scream. I couldn’t take being shy in that moment. I had […]
The tiniest things can make people happy… so I decided to make a list of some of the things that make me happy. The list could go on forever, but I have school tomorrow and don’t have time for that 🙂
Things that make me happy:
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Bubbles in pizza crust
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Making others smile
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Baking
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Loose Pants
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Running in the rain
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â The smell and feel of clean sheets
-         Listening to the “I love you†of people on the phone with their parents or spouse.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Running into the exact person you needed to see, just because they remind you not to give up.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â The feeling of the sun […]
After all that has transpired in the last four days, I’m terrified of going to school tomorrow. I feel like something bad is going to happen that is outside my control, and I’ll be fired for completely cold, calculating, business reasons. I don’t know what else to say at the moment. I would give anything to not have school tomorrow. What’s worse, I have to teach a split (morning 9am-1:45 pm and evening 5:45pm-10:15pm) and I don’t know if I’ll hold up. Before you ask, calling in sick is out of the question. They’ll know it’s not true and […]
About 2 years ago then I would think about the possibility of commiting suicide it was something like this- if I ever feel bad enough to actually want this then instead of committing suicide I would run away and try to have a better life because if you’re planning on ending your life anyway then why not try to start it over instead? And if you fail and somebody finds you then you can always just go back to your original plan and do it. Now then I think about suicide I usually just ask myself if I’m very to do it, if I already […]
kay so if you’ve read my other entries you’d know how I’ve been and whats going on.
to recap me and my bf broke up becuz we had to…. i miss him so much.. i think I’m falling apart..
i don’t want to do anything anymore. I’m getting in fights easily. on chat pas on my iPod… i don’t know what to do!
i go back to school tomorrow and finals are coming up.. how am i suposto focus?.. and my friends… i don’t want to talk to them.. i think I’m giving up… some ppl are telling me to try and move on. the thought of it […]