Okay, so nearly six months ago, I was extremely lucky to find an awesome girlfriend. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, caring, the lot. But, she has a few major shortfalls. One: she can’t deal with my depression or bi-polar very well at all. Two: she shuts down when I try to talk to her (I.E. she tries incredibly hard to either swap topic or turn it into something else) and three: she doesn’t like the fact that I smoke (she fucking hates it more than I hate me).
Anyways, I very rarely see her these days because her schoolwork is absolutely ridiculous. She’s only in year […]
Tag:
Semesters
I’m back in my hometown for the summer. It’s between the semesters for college, and I’ve been suffering the entire time. Is it odd that the moment I stop on the pavement I got a stomach ache? I couldn’t get a job and I’ve chosen to drop one summer class. Just from those two things, my parents think it’s reason enough to beat me. To scream at me. To call me ‘retarded’. They didn’t even pay for my classes. My grandmother left me money for college; from things like this… but they think that because I spent it on a class that I dropped, I’m […]
It seems that when I was I was honest with myself, I at least had the comfort of knowing that I could maybe fix the problem. I feel hopeless and feel like I still lie to myself. I’m in disastrous relationships. Plural. And I don’t have my family around to being me down to earth or make me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve ruined my relationship with my best friend from high school and I don’t really talk to anyone except my boyfriend anymore and maybe my parents from time to time. I encircle myself with “friends†I do not feel suit me anymore. […]
I recently found out that I will no longer be eligible for financial aid very soon. It doesn’t matter that I got straight A’s last semester; it is because of how many credit hours I have attempted without getting a major, apparently. I changed my major a few times and had a few rough semesters, and now that I am truly passionate about my work they are going to cut me off. Funny, huh? So as of today it seems as well as having no friends, no life, and no money, I have no future. I will never finish college. And I am doubtful I […]
Times are getting tougher….
They snipped out semesters from the college I’m going to because of budget cuts. I can’t find a job in this f*cked up economy. I’m 21 years old and still living with my parents. I feel so ashamed because I can’t find a job or other school where I can finish getting my degree. F*cking economy. I have no idea what to do with my life anymore… I just want to end it. I just want someone to kill me. I just feel so useless…………