I dont want sex, I dont want children, nor father or mother, brother or sister. No matter how hard I try to distance myself from others my body craves warmth. I just want warmth, to hold someone regardless of gender, to feel safe even as the world crumbles to dust. No words, no thoughts, just the sound of leaves rustling in heavenly wind, the smell of fragrant flowers eternally blooming in my dream, and the feeling of another close to me as I sleep eternal. Would any of you be so kind as to look pass the base desire for procreation […]
I heard some cockamamy stuff about how we are babies in heaven, and pick our parents. NO WAY! I was born in 1957 of an adulturous union between my 16 yo mother, and my married 26 year old father. She tried to “mold” me into perfection to make up for her mistake. When I was 19 months old she married a man 26 years her seniir, who she discoveredto be a pedophile BEFORE she married him. Fill in the blank. Fortunately, he died when I was 10. When I was 15 she finally married dear old pop. Then over the course of the next 7 […]
I’ve been suicidal before I’ve wanted to hurt myself before, but I’ve never had images, visions, of hurting myself like i have recently. Its getting brutal, what’s going on with me. I could be doing anything playing with my sister having a fag drinking tea and ill just want to grab knife and just want to stab myself repeatedly legs chest everywhere, surely this isn’t normal? I mean I’ve been suicidal for years I’ve never experienced anything like this?
I thought about it again. Taking all my pills at once. About cutting, Mum is slamming me again and my sister cant stop finding out my flaws. The kids at school just can’t stop after they saw me flirting with Mary. I want it all to end. I don’t want to let Her down but I feel hopeless. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like something isn’t right with me. Maybe I’m just paranoid though. My grades are slipping and I’m trying to keep them up. I have to get all A’s. Otherwise homelife is more like life in Hell. I […]
Hey everybody, first thing I want to say is thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this.
My name is Chris, I am 16 years old and this is the first time I’ve ever thought about attempting suicide. I feel like I don’t have the balls to do it though. My life has been just horrible the past few years. I just need someone to talk to. Let me tell you my story:
About 10 years ago my sister ran away to get married. I was only 6 years old. My parents, my brother, my cousins, Etc never got to see the wedding. […]
I don’t know where to go with this. I don’t even know that the details are worth it. Especially the past year, every time I make a little progress – work, finances, friendships – that and more are ripped from me.
What the fuck did I do that I’m always being punished? What I did – as though I had control over it – was that I was born. I survived physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuse. I’ve survived HIV. I’ve survived losing everything including my home just over a decade ago. And it’s really time to end this nonsense. I’ve known for a while how […]
my sister turned around to me and said i was getting fat again. i hadn’t noticed, but she’s right. of course she is. i just can’t keep stable can i?
How did I get here again? Ugh! I feel like I am never going to break free of this damn soul-disease that makes me hate myself. I feel numb and just want this continual emotional battle that I have going on inside of my head to just give it a rest and leave me alone already! How many more relationships do I sabotage? I have no friends and that is because I don’t want any. I believe that if someone gets to know the real me that they won’t be very impressed-so I push everyone away. I am not close to my parents and I […]
Xorn
-beat at 55-
I need to find camaraderie, today. I walk because I die.
I got a grand a month, I’ll buy the wagon.
Take this book of true-dire and let me live freely like you.
Godmother of Mercy. Sister of Seraphim. Brother of Crusader.
A chained black-beast of ‘Heaven and Hell’.
Do not ever forsaken, “Salvation.”
Someone bust the next wrap, we can probably make at least a ‘thou’.
Don’t leave here thy no longer; like a bird, you can open my cage.
Pure alchemy, fortress; fortify my iron-chain of fate, vowed to the death.
The faithfulness of it’s mankind, the fidelity and homage for the undead.
I need to explode in golden-fire from the die.
‘Comrade Of True Life; arrive, awaken’
(2x)
a few weeks ago
i got into a fight with my sister
it was about telling my friends everything
and how supposedly that was super rude
and one time a friend called me
when i was at a family cabin thing
i went off and talked to her
she was in pain
i talked to her
i comforted her
then my sister said we were leaving
i didn’t hang up on my friend
I cared
i still care about her
and i couldn’t do that to her
when we got into the fight
she said it was rude to talk to my friend
i said that i cared about her so why not
I my name is G.O. and i have 15 years, i know dat maybe im too young, but my life has been shit since mmmm ever?My family is so f***** up, my dad is a bastard, since i was 4 he would always beat me up and my mum would only say”ohh it’s your fault, u know how is ur father” … 3 years ago my dad divorced from that slut of my mum”she was a gold digg, i could always see her wit some dude, my dad didn t care, he was whoring 2…”
Then at 12 i thinked that i could become happy witout […]
HUH. so here im letting out my depression in online world man im so messed up. Let me tell u about myself im cooper 17 years old got a sister we are 5 years apart ( shes 22 now) . She got enrolled in college at country side so my family had to move from city to a godforsaken rural area by family i mean my mother ,me and my sister ya i know i dont have a dad he died in some acciedent when i was 1 . well the messed up part is im not sure how he died how does he look […]
I used to be so much. I used to be a firefighter and when i would show up on the scene of a suicide I would always wonder how low does someone have to be to do that. I understand now. I have so much hate built up inside. The things that I once loved have turned away from me. The woman i love would rather be beat by a drug addict than be with me. I stay around for my mom, but it’s getting so bad I’m sure she would be better off without me too. I want to see my sister she’s been […]
So while I know this post will be long and I’m not sure worth anyone’s time I’m warning in advance it may not be worth reading… I just decided I’ll tell everything even if it may all be stupid..
Ill start from the beginning. I’m 23.
Growing up my parents always argued between the yelling and hitting I always somehow found myself with headphones under my bed. At 10 the called it quits my mom had had enough. The day my father left is still pretty upsetting because I remember just how much he cried. Finally thing were getting better. So I thought… About 8 months down […]
My Invisible Family. My Fallen Foes
Crammed into a room with no corners, no ceiling, no floor.
There was nothing but us, scared, blind and ready for war.
It was the last time I saw Shannon, my long lost twin sister.
She was sexy and sensitive and smart,
but I was swifter.
The last time I saw Josh, my long lost twin brother.
He was brave and bright and brought joy to all,
but I was tougher.
I am the hero knight sperm who rescued my imprisoned princess egg but I am also said damsel in distress who waited […]
I started cutting a little bit back in March. I had never done it before then. I was panicking, crying and really upset and angry with my family. I didn’t know how to calm myself down and then i just picked up a pin and started poking at my wrists. Eventually I bled a little bit and it freaked me out. I did this twice in the spring. Then I was doing better but tonight I got really upset again and jealous of my younger sister. I got really mad and felt really helpless. I didn’t know how to handle myself again and grabbed the […]
What it’s like to live under a bridge.
Living under a bridge can be rough. It’s dirty, muggy, and this often results in the troll being grumpy. The troll has good reason to be grumpy though. Not only are its living conditions disgusting, but also it gets to hear the footsteps of those above him all day long. All day…clunk thump; people walk by without noticing the grumpy old troll under the bridge. The troll didn’t used to be so grumpy. He was born into a nice family, but he was a fidgety troll. Therefore, his family began to dislike him and identify him as being […]
It’s a strange feeling when you can actually feel your heart breaking. It’s not the break-up kind of heart break. It’s the certainty that I know I’m going to kill myself kind of heart break. It’s the crying on the floor asking God “why?” kind of heart break. It’s the understanding and knowledge that your life, your supposedly “purposeful” life is completely insignificant. It’s the kind of heart break when you decided it’s over. It’s the kind of hear break knowing that you are the equivalent of celebrity’s homeless, drugged up, beat up sister. It’s certain that I’ll kill myself. I’m tired of all […]
I have suffered from depression for decades along with addictions etc. In the early 90’s, at my last re-hab
without any warning I began to write poetry. It just came to me. It seemed effortless. Fast forward to Robin Williams suicide, the medias response, such as what did he have to be depressed about? That is such a selfish act, prompted me to jump into the fray. I KNOW what the feeling is like that killing yourself is the only way to stop the unbearable pain. So I posted one of my poems on Facebook. Last night I spoke with my sister, who told me […]
Im not lying when I am saying I was a young age. I was in a grade between 1st and 3rd. Living in a trailer park with a few younger siblings, one being an infant. My dad and mom broke up a while back, and the boyfriend she had at the time is scary and mean that is also the father of my 2 sisters and brother. I remember when I was a kid my dad used to make me go to church. With me brainwashed into the religion every night before I went to bed I cried to god praying that he would take […]