How did I get here again? Ugh! I feel like I am never going to break free of this damn soul-disease that makes me hate myself. I feel numb and just want this continual emotional battle that I have going on inside of my head to just give it a rest and leave me alone already! How many more relationships do I sabotage? I have no friends and that is because I don’t want any. I believe that if someone gets to know the real me that they won’t be very impressed-so I push everyone away. I am not close to my parents and I barely talk to my sister. I have 3 wonderful children that really don’t know me-especially my 20 and 17-year-olds. They both hate me. It is my oldest’s birthday on Friday and she hasn’t spoken to me since August 6th. This is one of my worst nightmares that has come true-my daughter has disowned me. I text her still and tell her that I love her and she does not respond. Wtf. How did my life become so fucked up? I often dream about running away and living in the woods where no one can find me. I am alone and can’t hurt anyone but myself.
2 comments
I feel genuinely sorry for you, unfortunately i can’t relate with everything you said because i am 26 and i don’t have any kids.. What i can relate with tho is the sister bit. I have no contact with mine either. My father died 7 years ago and i have a very possessive mother that sabotaged my relationship with my girlfriend. So i rarely visit her either.
And as far as friends goes i’m kind of the same i do have some friends but i am hesitant of making new friends because of trust issues more or less. I don’t care about impressing them to be honest they just have to accept me for who i am.. no fuss no muss.
I don’t know man people do stupid things that hurt others they love without realizing it.
They mean good but just deliver very poorly. Perhaps this is what happened to you.
Try and find a way to make things better, i wish you the best of luck! and stay strong
Well if I were you I would at least try to make a couple of friends or even just one who can relate too. Being lonley with nobody to talk to or hang out with can drive a person mad
as far as your kids. I do not have any kids. So I dont know what its like to raise them but I have dated women with kids and I see all that they go through and I know its not easy
I have chosen not to have kids because I dont want to have the resposibility and I also think the world is becoming kind of sad and cruel. so why bring more people into it?
I believe you can find somebody to relate to and chat with or be with and things will get better
not all people are bad. try not to push everybody away from you. some peopole just want to help