I’ve been extremely tired all day. All i’ve wanted to do is sleep. Sleep and not wake up. Just dream the night away. If it happens to be a nightmare…it’s okay because i’ve master lucid dreams. But it’s 1:25AM and I’m wide awake. The part before drifting away to the dream state is the hardest for me. It’s when all these thoughts come to my mind. All these people that have hurt me. All the words I’ve been told. All this negativity I seem to reminisce about. I want it all to go away! I hate hurting because of all the BS i’ve caused myself. […]
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Sleepless Night
Another sleepless night. I’ve been wanting to go to class less and less. It used to be that it at least distracted me. Now I just don’t really have the will to go.
I honestly cant remember the last time I was truly happy. I’ve lost all interest in things. I was okay for awhile but I’ve just gotten worse and worse. I really  can’t stand the thought about going to class and seeing friends and having to fake a smile. I have a couple close friends, they say they care, but that’s all that is right? Just words. Its been weeks and not even a single text or call to say hi […]
It’s 4 am can’t sleep , haunted by my past unable to let it go . Keep thinking that there is only one way to make everything go away . Deep down inside I tell myself to just survive the night , it will get better tomorrow . But the thoughts keep flooding my mind , the old friends that I pushed out my life , the family members that I never talk to . Telling myself that if I let no one love me , or get close to me then it wouldn’t be like I’m hurting anyone but myself .
But […]
another sleepless night with crying, screaming into my pilllow and suffering 🙁 i wrote this in the night…. hope you like it.
fires ablaze within my eyes
a smile concealing all my lies screaming, begging calling out
a final frantic desperate shout.
i dont know why i feel this way
i never asked for pain, tears or suffering i was normal at one point in life
i was full of smiles, laughter and happiness
i wish i knew the cause of this pain to find a way to make it all stop.
have you ever felt like giving up this fight
have you ever slit your wrists or
have you ever picked up a knife
i […]
I lay awake at night. Restless. Another sleepless night. The voices spin me around like one of those carnival rides we used to love so much. Out of control. Disoriented. Vertigo.
Heartless. *****. Worthless.
Give me a chance! Forever Alone.
Sing better. Draw better. Play better.
I’ll try harder! A disappointment.
Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not kind enough.
I’ll be better! Never good enough.
Hated. Unloved. Pathetic.
Give me a chance! Not wanted.
STOP!
But the voices in my head don’t stop… they never stop. Of course these voices aren’t just in my head.
No wonder I don’t sleep.
I ask you to love me, protect me. This is your job isn’t it? Instead you […]
Had a few good (sort of) days. Now the depression is coming back like it always does. Suffering 2 month long dakr depression for 2 to 3 days of mild happiness? Who ever said it was worth it was a wonderful optimist. The sad part is the depression is getting worse and darker and playing with my suicide button I don’t really hide at all within myself. I dare it to push it. But no…The depression gets longer into the burning depths while the “happy†days shorten. It makes me want to go back to cutting so I can endure this predictability more easily and […]
Something wakes me up ,  if  I am asleep I’m sleeping wih ghosts  if   I Am  awake I have monsters under my bed
I’ve run out of my complaints. Its just when theres no where else to turn I think of my friends on here. At least I know I’m not alone. I hate others are going through the same, but it also gives me ease of mind.. it makes me feel more human.
This is normally the part where I wish you all well, and encourage you all to keep living… However in all reality I envy those who had the courage to end it.. because I wish I had that strength so bad. Especially now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMGh3Ts5-WQ