I feel…dead….I know thats my wish. Is to die…but i already feel dead. Im empty, broken, soul-less. I just feel alone and lost. Why do I even bother trying to get people to like me? Why do I event ry and fit in? To be normal? Im not. Im far from normal. Im a monster. First a monster to myself, but now I’ve let it free and it’s terrorizing those around me. My parents keep getting mad at me cause I “hide in my room all day” yeah, well thats cause I’m trying not to hurt anyone besides myself. So I lock myself in my […]
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someone
you know what is SO fucked up? is that after someone commits suicide EVERYONE around the person is saying things like “oh she was such a great person” and “if she had only called i would have been there to listen, to help” but you know what? it’s fucking bullshit. i did what a suicide support website said – i reached out, far, on a limb and i thought hard of the smartest people i know, the people who have provided guidance and direction in the past. i decided to reach out to my aunt who i haven’t spoken to in over 10 years. i […]
Well, I’ve certainly thought about suicide long enough and after 3 attempts I sure know how to cross the psychological line, to push through the barrier, to take my own life. So why do it? Well, here’s why…
– Abuse as a child. Now, whilst that may kill some all on it’s own believe it or not it’s not the only reason. Just one of a long long list of abuses I’ve endured
– Cancer at age 17. Battled that for 5 years and still carry significant issues 35 years later. One doctor butchered me so bad that even other doctors asked “Who did that to you?”. […]
I am at this very moment, suicidal. I have no real support and have found myself here, with all of you. My husband, whom I love more than almost anything has just said to me that he has met someone online while out of town for work, and that he doesn’t want me anymore. This isn’t the first time he’s said he doesn’t want me anymore. Over the last six years, he has put me down, left me, hurt me and destroyed my being. I can honestly tell you in this moment that if I didn’t have children, I wouldn’t be here writing, I’d be […]
So I’m new on here, but Weirdly enough I find it easier to vent to people I dont know rather than people I do know. I guess cause usually the people I do know end up judging me and leaving. Surprise, surprise.
So my family is really messed up, and I’ve been self harming for almost 2 years now. I’ve attempted suicide 9 times and, well, obviously, got nowhere with that. I’m also anorexic.
I just feel like I’m in a fish tank. I can’t move, can’t breathe, and no one can hear or understand me. I’m trapped in my own emotions and hurt. And day by […]
I’m new and don’t really know how to do this so I’ll just keep it simple.
I have been battling the devil known as ‘chronic major depression’ since high school (I am now 22), social anxiety, and eating disorders. Last year I was at my lowest. Almost put a gun to my head twice before I scared myself and decided to try some help. I saw a counselor for maybe two weeks before I gave up going cause she didn’t seem professional, I was being a huge burden to my parents with the money and the worry, and she made me stay away when she […]
How do you get over someone? like … how do you get over a breakup or so? How long did it take you to move on? Are you a different person from who you were before the breakup and after your breakup and after you’re healed?
So there’s this woman I *REALLY* like. We have a ton of things in common, too. It only sucks that I met her a month and a half ago. I feel like I’ve been there through her entire life — I wish I had been there though her life. It would make how I feel about her a bit more rational.
Ugh, I feel weird about liking her. I as I said, it’s only been a month since I met her. I saw this picture of her, and I swear to the gods above it was love at first sight for me. I wanted to know […]
I know this is going to devastate everyone that I love and that loves me and for that, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I honestly do love each and every one of you and I pray that this doesn’t make you love me any less or think less of me.
This is not something I am taking lightly. The worst part of this is not the fear, its not the unknown, its knowing that I am going to leave behind my pain for others to have to experience. What I do know is that every one of you are so much […]
Well, here I am in the middle of the night again after another typically fruitless, frustrating day. I struggle to get scraps of work in the only two vocations I have…commercial graphics and photography. Clients have simply disappeared despite my best efforts. What I don’t get is that my stuff pisses all over most of the material I see and I can’t get anyone to hire me at a wage any better than that of a janitor…or they want a degree, screw my experience. And the people who know NOTHING about my business are the first to offer “advice.” Ridiculous, insulting and just puts me […]
I’m deeply sorry to those I have hurt. I hope that someday you’ll forgive me.
I know she cares and I know she loves me. But it still makes me sad when I try so hard to talk to her and make her happy and make her laugh and she just plain ignores me and plays with her phone, like a kid. It makes my heart hurt.
Just wanted to share that so someone, anyone, in the world knows. I hide too many feelings. I lie too much, mostly to myself.
Why do you play with my emotions?
You actually asked me how I felt.
You already have someone so why do you want me?
I felt something new with you today that actually gave me hope.
You’re such an asshole.
Why do I miss you so much when we’re apart?
Do you miss me?
I’m someone else. At least that’s what I’ve felt like these past few months. I don’t feel like myself. It is hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I am unable to sleep. My smiles aren’t sincere. My laughs are half-hearted. I don’t want to be around anyone. I can barely talk to anyone. I can’t be happy. And I don’t want to live.
I hope that something can save me.
I pretend to be myself, even though I haven’t felt like myself these past few months. I get out of bed to eat. I eat because I don’t want to lose […]
This is how it usually is.
My mind is whirling; an endless buzzing that steadily grows louder.
Yet when I try to talk to someone, when I try to express or explain what’s going on inside
I freeze up.
I blank out.
All I feel like I can manage to say is “I don’t know”
Just like now.
I want to get out the parasitic thoughts but when I put my fingers to this keyboard I can’t get anything to come out.
And as I reread this to myself I can’t help but laugh because of how artificial the words appear.
That they don’t do justice […]
If anyone at all needs someone to talk to, no matter what, you can email me misbahq93@gmail.com I won’t judge you or lie to you and I’ll always respond. Promise.
‘tamaka’
where’s a mod at
I failed since day zero
the zero, the zero-child
I smile, I am not alive
chained to the earth
from the sky, fell celestial
flower, vanquish already yours
in this age, I am no longer
such irony, hoping for a phoenix for the elite
I need to get a wagon but I need someone by the fire
and our glocks by a wire, a grand a month before it explodes
I need you now; Tamaka, from East-South America
by the wire, under the stars, singing in golden sands
now for ever before, derailed to the never land
in hope to persist till the end […]
Is it possible for someone to never be happy? If so then I guess that’s me. I found out this morning that my debilitating autoimmune disease is non responsive to current treatment and will require much more aggressive treatment. To do so will require time off from work I don’t have and a loss of income. I can’t pay my rent as it is… I am drowning in debt and I ruined my eight year relationship with my anger and hatred… I am not eligible for help and have no where to turn anymore. I can’t be the reason my kids are homeless again. I […]
I worked myself stupid last year for an organization that was going under. I literally spent 56 hours working with no breaks and no sleep. You would think that the women who profited from my work, would spare an hour to come to my birthday celebration? Fuck. They don’t even have to come for an hour. Just show up and say hi. That’s all. I really wish I could articulate how hurt I am that I will be spending my 21st birthday…alone. What is the point of working hard on relationships if there is no gain to them? Why kill myself worrying over if i’m […]
I am suddenly compelled to post this. Maybe someone other than me needs to see it, I don’t really know. But I follow my intuitions, trouble or not.
-peace