Am I even living?

I feel…dead….I know thats my wish. Is to die…but i already feel dead. Im empty, broken, soul-less. I just feel alone and lost. Why do I even bother trying to get people to like me? Why do I event ry and fit in? To be normal? Im not. Im far from normal. Im a monster. First a monster to myself, but now I’ve let it free and it’s terrorizing those around me. My parents keep getting mad at me cause I “hide in my room all day” yeah, well thats cause I’m trying not to hurt anyone besides myself. So I lock myself in my room, and cut or burn me feelings into my skin. Its that simple. I wish someone would just kill me. I’ve tried, but never succeded.  Probably cause i chickened out and wouldnt try hard enough.  But if someone else would just murder me, it would be so much easier.  I hate being suicidal sometimes. Just becuase the thoughts overwhelm my ever waking hour. The times when im actually asleep, its much better.  Im numb. I dont have to think about my life. How much i hate myself.  Or wanting to die. Even though sometimes the thoughts creep into my dreams, turning them into never ending nightmares. But thats what my life is, a never ending nightmare. Thats all it’ll ever be i guess. Im just ready to die.  Im dont with life, its so overrated.