Then I’m either gone, or I’ve gotten better and no longer use the site. I usually change this posts publish date so I haven’t been on for about a week, if you see this. I just want to thank all of you, for helping. And a special shout out to Shepard, keep on keeping on, soldier. I really do mean it when I say thank you. You’ve saved me from doing some really stupid things. And thanks for listening to me constantly complain about Alexis. Hope your leg gets better. Give them hell.
I wonder if I’m mad.
At times I feel so content with life
and the next moment I’m loathing it.
I want to be special, that elite, that genius, that child prodigy,
And yet when I look back ,
all I want is a simple life , a simple home, and experience that simple happiness.
Depressing thoughts come swiftly in my mind,
whispering such tempting and soothing threats,
and only with it do I feel alive.
Am I twisted, a lunatic , a mad man for thinking such a thing?
It feels as though despair has becomed my only friend.
And without it I feel incomplete.
Despair, it is the black of the night,
and the night of […]
They say that you never forget your first love. This is a 1973 Dodge Dart with the slant 6 motor.
Why do those who live in the war of staying strong continue to fight if the battle is never ending? Why must you go through so much pain in order to deserve a shred of happiness? Does it end? Is what they say true, that after so long, the striking pain eases? And why do I and so many others, use physical pain to fight off the mental pain? It only helps temporarily, but still, any help is worth my time. Can we just stop all the sadness and live a life of bliss and peace? Or is that too selfish to ask? Why do […]
Tonight, I was truly, for the first time in a very, very, long period, free.
Other than the pills working and pumping happy juice into my brain, I had a tremendous emotional catharsis.
I was finally able to move on from old expectations and loves ones.
It doesn’t feel anything special like I was extremely happy or anything, but I felt free.
For the first time since forever, I wasn’t tired, and found my energy slowly coming back.
This is great news for a depressed person like me.
I’ve found that I’ve been getting hurt all the time by my own expectations.
My expectations of myself, expectations […]
OMG, i joined this site 2 years ago, and at first everyone was so supportive and caring and month by month everyone is becoming judgmental the amount of judgment ive gotten in two days from people on here is insane. i post a picture of myself. i give out my number for people to contact me. WHY IS IT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!? i see others on here do it to. so why are we attacking me?!? what is so special about me that i dont have the right to post what others do. SORRY. im going to post what i damn well please […]
Everyday my heart breaks more.
The pieces are soon to be shattered.
It’s painful yes.
Do I tell anyone, no.
I’m better off dead.
I’m not anything special.
Just a lost person.
That won’t be finding their way around life.
Pain is getting too much.
I don’t know how to release it anymore.
Don’t know how to cope.
I don’t feel anything but pain.
Pain and heartbreak.
So heartbroken.
That no one truly loves me.
Family hates me.
Hates my style.
Hates my music.
Hates it.
Friends.
Don’t know the true me.
If they did they’d hate me too.
All I ever asked for was […]
I won’t die until late August, but this is the note for when I do. I need to share it.
My suicide note (In preparation for the inevitable. In preparation for the end of the story that has been embedded in my genes since I was an infant):
They say life is a bad joke. They are wrong, it is a good one. When we were little they told us that we were special. That we were unique. That we were all winners. That we mattered. That there is justice in the universe. That we were lucky enough to be born in the greatest country in the […]
It’s not sadness I feel. I don’t even feel anger, nor do I feel numb. I feel empty. I am devoid of a soul.
The Jews say a soul is what makes us special. It is what separates us from the lifeless tools we use. I feel like God forgot to put my soul in me when he made me, leaving me a tool to be used. I feel like the Golem when he no longer had a purpose.
I don’t often think about myself in the terms of Jewish faith. My father is Jewish, not I. It’s the only way I can describe it though. […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0RNp0ShHsU
While no one will ever exceed the excellence of the original by Simon and Garfunkle, and indeed, some of the younger members here may have never heard of them, this rendition by Josh Groban and Michael Knight is pretty special.
I hope this song can be a message of support for my fellow sufferers here at SP. My dear mother died one year ago today. I was her companion/caregiver for the last 2 years of her life. Today, I miss her so much and my heart is heavy.
Grace and peace to you all, my friends.
And as I asked of you all before….Please, try to stay alive.
Jay […]
Wish your day is an unique and special as you are… Love You all <3
Sorry! I couldn’t post on time =_=” Â but it’s not too late because we all have a special day and right everyday and everywhere…
She won’t talk to me at school anymore. She won’t even look at me. When we managed to arrange a meetup on omegle, she disconnected for no apparent reason. When my closest friend, the only other person besides her who knows about my depression & suicide attempts, confronted her about it, she says she just doesn’t know what to do anymore. She has replacements for me, i’m not actually special. She supposedly cares, but then why won’t she talk? It hurts. I’m cutting more and more often now…on my hips, where nobody can see it, even at swim practice.
I don’t understand
I say when you walked away
I thought you cared
I say when you turned your back on me
Why?
I ask when you don’t turn around
What did I do so bad to make you leave?
I yell when you have walked away
I love you
I whisper
But you never and won’t ever love me
I sit down and cry
You were there for me when no one else was
I am completely shocked
Wish you were here
I sigh and pick myself up
But you never were
I cut one more time
You were never really there
Last week was particularly bad, and I had repeated thoughts about suicide–after many months of not having those thoughts.
Then on Sunday I was much better. Â I gave my oldest daughter a special gift. Â I had my Rolex readjusted so that it fit her. Â I got so much joy watching her wear it. Â I’ve always told her that she could have it as an heirloom when I died, but I wanted the chance to watch her enjoy it. Â I was so happy about giving it to her. Â Yesterday, I was in a board meeting for a charity I serve on and got two nice compliments. […]
ive decided to bottle things up again. ive decided that it doesnt matter if im breaking, broken, or perfectly fine. it doesnt matter that i want a hug. it doesnt matter that i feel so broken and in pain at times. it doesnt matter. me. i dont matter. my feelings dont matter. everything about me doesnt matter. what matters if you guys are okay. if you are okay good. i dont matter. it doesnt matter. my life. my feelings. my pain. it doesnt matter at all. what so ever.
ive also decided that im going to start lying. if you ask me how i am […]
am i stable
no
am i okay
no
am i fine
no
im not doing okay
im not doing fine
must you be worried about me?
must you care about me?
we all know
im trying my best
to recover
we all know
im trying in my own way
to recover
we all know
we all have special ways
to recover
this is mine
i know its not
the best way
but its my way
and maybe it’ll work.
last night at 4 am i wake up -without any feeling of the usual painful anxious or guilt in my heart ..i had just the usual insane thoughts on my head but without any related feelings nothing special has happened yesterday ,my big problem still there ,and i was not drunk … maybe cause i almost have the exit way in my hand.. anyway it is nice losing the connection between my thoughts andy feelings
I don’t know what to say
Someone cares
Someone shows that they care
And I don’t know what to do or say
Because no one has really ever showed that they cared
Not my family, not my friends
But this one person comes into my life
And picks me up
And tries to fix me
And shows that they care
I don’t know what to say or do
I’ve been used to not being cared about
I’m used to be the worrier the carer
Not to be worried about
Not to be cared about
I don’t know why
They even go through the effort
It’s […]
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