Boot777 asked me what my main problems are that cause my suicidal thoughts. I decided to make a post of it, so here it is. Well, there isn’t really one problem you can point at that causes the suicidal thoughts. Actually, there are a lot of things that cause them. I am not telling you all of them, because probably I’ll forget one or two and that’s going to be bored, so I’m going to tell the important one’s (I guess). I’ve been bullied from my fourth untill now. The worst part was at age of 11, 12 I guess. I was at elemntary school […]
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Sport
I am 20 years old. I am female. I am a law student. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am confused.
The first time I sat on my bedroom floor with a bowl of pills to swallow I was 13 years old. My Pop had recently succumbed to cancer, I’d lost a friend and I was just feeling awful. I swallowed two and then got scared. I swallowed two pills a day for four years. Every day. The first time was because I wanted to see my Pop. Every day after that for four years was just routine. What […]
It’s the one thing that i’ve always wanted to be. Pretty and perfect. When i was a little girl, i was pretty and happy. No one every told me that i’m ugly or did anything to make me sad. But now, I’ve turned into some ogre just wanting to burst out. Every time i see someone pretty, i get really jealous and just wanting to hide away. All of my friends are really pretty and it’s hard to know that you’re the odd one out, the only one that’s ugly. On those 2 days of the week, when i have P.E (sport days), i get […]
I did not, you see, want to kill myself. Not at that time, anyway. But I wanted to know that if need be, if the desperation got so terribly bad, I could inflict harm on my body. And I could. Knowing this gave me a sense of peace and power, so I started cutting up my legs all the time. Hiding the scars from my mother became a sport of its own. I collected razor blades, I bought a Swiss army knife, I became fascinated with the different kinds of sharp edges and the different cutting sensations they produced. I tried out different shapes—squares, triangles, […]