Up to day five of starving myself with a bread roll for breakfast and a couple vegetables for dinner. I’ve lost around 1kg per day since I started. I’m taking stimulants during the day to keep my metabolism up and appetite down. I take sedatives at night so the hunger pains don’t keep me awake. I don’t have the energy to exercise like I did before and I find myself struggling a little bit at work in spite of the stimulants, but I’m a third of the way there. Only a couple more weeks, I should be able to shed 10 kgs if I […]
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struggling
so after a rough time with a bunch of nasty guys I decided to just live on my own, not let anyone in. I met a few guys and turned them down, too many awkward silences and dumb conversations. but one night I went on a date with a guy and for once he was a gentleman, he booked a table and he wore jeans that didnt show his bum, we laughed and i nearly cried laughing and there were no moments of scilence and he is clever, so clever and we talked about politics and current affairs and horses( we both have horses)but then after i […]
Is there anyone here who is in therapy but struggling with DID and suicide?
These thoughts in my head are horrible.
I’m so scared,it’s not even the fact im having suicidal thoughts,its the fact that nobody can hrlp me and that this time they’re scaring me.
They’re winning.
For the first time in a long time.
What do i do?i dont feel in control i just keep screaming and crying,i cant eat and im struggling to stand for long periods of time..
I dont want too go,not yet..but i might have too.
You know when you’re struggling. When you flit between completely numb and vomit inducing crying & pain where you can’t get up off the floor. When you have no one. And in the darkness you try to reach out to someone. Open up just a little. Try to explain why you are what you are, why you feel what you feel and why you hurt the people around you even though you don’t mean to. And all you get back is they’re ‘disappointed’?
I never trust people and this has reminded me why. I can’t form any kind of relationship, even a simple friendship is beyond me. I […]
I just wish she could have seen a better side to me.. I wish she could have seen me at my best cuz I don’t think we ever got there. I was always struggling..with money, with addiction, with my own mental confusions.. Always trying to get over some hump that seemed to stem from my troubles. I was always complaining it seemed.. I expected too much. I couldn’t be that cool headed guy I wanted to be.. That she deserved the most.
I just feel like there was something I could have done to keep her around. But I didn’t do it..
The parts of […]
One of my main reasons I’m currently NOT doing anything is I’m concerned about my friends who will have to deal with the aftermath. My previous methods of self-harm and suicide attempts have been cutting or overdosing. If I did that where I am now one of my housemates would either have to wake up to that or come home from work to it. (Either self-harm or suicide).
So I was thinking more about trains or bridges. Which is not something I’d ever thought of before. But it seemed less selfish to the people I love? However when I was at the psych hospital yesterday and […]
So words are kind of failing me right now, i’m not really sure what i’m intending to type in this post but i guess we will see where it goes.
I’m just struggling to keep caring, to keep on going and to give a shit about what i do with myself any more. I’m stuck in this fucking void of self hate and i only hate myself more for being stuck there because i have absolutely no right to feel this way. I just don’t know what i’m supposed to be doing anymore, i’m just such a fuck up and i get everything wrong. I’m […]
HI. I’ve just found this site. I know if my boyfriend or friends or housemates knew I was here they would be devastated. But I am struggling.
I first attempted suicide and began a relationship with self-harm aged 15. I’m now 30. I have a standard abuse history. I most definitely am not original. My parents emotionally and physically abused me. My friend raped me at a party when I was 16. My boyfriend died when I was 17. My friend’s father used me as a sex pet when I was living with her family when I was 17. My boyfriend beat me when I was […]
Do you ever feel like you are just too old for this shit?!? Too old to tell your story. Too old to make a come back and make it right. Too old to feel this way. I’m creeping up on my 44th birthday and I still cannot find the words to express the horror of my life in particular (and my childhood in general). The words are stuck in my throat, strangling me. I admire people who have killed themselves because I feel like they are so brave. They have managed to do what I never could do despite my semi-best efforts. I try to […]
I drift on day to day constantly battling with my meth-addicted mother, who hasn’t let me see my little brothers in almost 10 years. I’m stuck in a relationship where I’m not loved back (or at least he really doesn’t act like it), and I have only one friend, who is gone all the time. I am lonely, I’m hurting, and I am mentally messed up with endless anxiety and I also am bipolar and have fibromayalgia. And because I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness and left, I’m pretty sure God is pissed as hell at me so I’m probably doomed to destruction whenever […]
I’m struggling. My brain is in fog. I feel like I’m grasping to get a hold of my thoughts but they slip through my fingers like smoke. I can’t focus, I can’t think, I can’t concentrate. I’m meant to be writing for a big project, but just can’t get a hold. I know that it is in my head somewhere but it may as well be covered in lard for all I can get a grip on it. I know I can be so much better than this but it is all so exhausting, I am tired and I am lost like this. I just […]
Has anyone else felt alone their whole life? Always the odd one out, outcasted by strangers, friends, and family alike. I’ve grown to realize that I’m not like the others. I’m quiet; I observe everyone around me. And I don’t like what I see. Everyone is so superficial. I see people for what they really are – their flaws, ulterior motives and blind prejudices. I know I have flaws myself but they don’t even compare to what I see in others. Perhaps I am a pessimist; though I like to think I’m a realist.
Every year that goes by, the more I dislike everyone I […]
So….I have never really added my own post, so I am a bit nervous about the response…thus bare with me! I am currently off to work…another morning and day of survival! Over the past 10-12 years I have been struggling and suffering with depression, borderline and suicidality. I have been in intensive therapy programs and have a therapist who is amazing, yet I have been still feeling a bit off and at times hopeless. Everyone is so supportive on this blog and it’d be great to meet or chat with someone living in the same area of Massachusetts, who has been struggling with the same […]
Back during my Freshman year of high school (I’m now a junior) I was really close friends with this gay guy in my drama class named Josh. He moved away that same year and we had our struggles keeping in touch, but he started collage last year and completely shut me out and stopped talking to me… It really hurt me because I had feelings for him for a while (yes I knew he was gay). We helped each other through things, he knew what it was like to be suicidal and struggle with self harm so we hit it off right away and became […]
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