I just wish she could have seen a better side to me.. I wish she could have seen me at my best cuz I don’t think we ever got there. I was always struggling..with money, with addiction, with my own mental confusions.. Always trying to get over some hump that seemed to stem from my troubles. I was always complaining it seemed.. I expected too much. I couldn’t be that cool headed guy I wanted to be.. That she deserved the most.
I just feel like there was something I could have done to keep her around. But I didn’t do it..
The parts of myself and the things I’ve built around me seemed to crumble over time and I couldn’t keep up enough to stop it. I should have done something. I really should have changed but I can’t no matter how hard I try. And I know she couldn’t change either.
Trying to find a common ground where all this is ok..it’s alright, ya know?! These are just passing moments. Temporary days.. Are they not?
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
6 comments
Hey bro, sorry i havnt been arround for you. Look man you cant take this as completely on you. It was supposed to be a partnership between two people, you couldn’t, and wernt ment to do it all, if someone only loves you when ur at your best then that’s not real love, its when they stand by you while ur falling apart and love you that’s the proper stuff, you didn’t walk away bro, you stuck it out with her through thick and thin she quit not you, you cant blame yourself or ull drive yourself crazy with what ifs. I urge you not to look at this as the end but at a new beginning. You’ve a new and better job, things are looking up but you have to look with them man, i know its tough, every little thing is a reminder of the happy times and now there’s a hole that hurts but your one of the strongest motherfuckers i know, you can get through this but holing yourself off from other people in your life that care for you wont help, just think about spending some time with your brother or something, male bonding with beer and weed.
peace and love brother.
Thanks Procel, and don’t worry my friend I know you got your life to live too.
When I wrote this I had you in mind cuz I knew you would tell me something like that. That goes to show that your words resonate with me, and of course you are right.
It’s just extremely hard not to measure myself on every scale and weigh myself against every thing I’ve wanted to be but haven’t been.. I know it’s putting a lot on my plate and I shouldn’t do it to myself.
Can’t help but feel the pressure of not only having wasted so much of my life, but also having very little time left to make things right.
Damn that chick!!
Hate moderation -_-
Sorry about that
Procel,
how’s it going? been a while, you always give good advice.
@Rt man i apreciate that man i really do, sometimes i wonder if what i say is even worth writing, so thank you.
trust me bro i know that feeling, having to compare yourself to everything and everyone, setting yourself a high standard that’s impossible to reach. We set ourself up for a fall. Forgive me for being a hypocrite but: you have to learn to swipe a hand across those scales, scatter all the measurements and be happy with what you achieve. No man is better than you, merely different, its impossible to get an accurate measurment because its two different things your measuring its like weighing ice against steam. Lol ive wasted everything ive ever gotten, including a good brain, but what ive come to try and realise is its up to me to be happy with where i am, life is too short to look back at the failures. Its up to you to sit back and let your life happen and simply enjoy the journey, hard i know but worth it.
@rocketman hey man! Long time, hows it going? IM having my good days and bad days. Lol thanks man, its nice to hear 🙂