So … I haven’t told anyone about my suicide thoughts but I can really just say I am exhausted of life. Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just want to be once something or someone I have planned. I believe in the afterlife and after reading the book “many lives, many masters” my fear and point of view of the afterlife or what is happening after the dead. I did research and I found out and it’s what that book is delivering: you can choose who and what you want to be in your next life, life lesson you want to learn and a […]
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Suicide
i dont know when they started. i guess i’ve always thought about death, even as a little kid. I’ve just always seen something and thought “that could kill me. i’d be dead/gone” it used to scare me so much but now i’m used to it. now i listen to it. i’ve already made one attempt and obviously failed. just planning and thinking about it calms all my anxiety. i’ve lost my train of thought for now….sorry for wasting your time
After my cousin killed himself, my dad told me if i ever feel that way and that suicide is just selfish, what he doesn’t seem to comprehend is that he’s the one pushing me towards the end.
Has anyone ever thought about the next few days of their lives, and just dreaded them so badly? Literally losing sleep stressing over what could just be a normal day?? It’s been happening to me a lot lately, and it’s made me cut (a lot) & even made me consider suicide…. Every time though, the days I’m dreading turn out fine, some times there even good days. If I had killed myself, it could be over something that wouldn’t even be real.. Is this anxiety? Dreading each day this severely that you stay up all night so it seems further away? Someone’s gotta know.
Two years ago a girl i knew commited suicide. no one saw it coming and at first i didnt beleive it i couldnt beleive it. she seemed so happy all the time. we were really close friends but we had a falling out. She changed a lot but she still seemed happy and everyone who knew her loved her. i didnt beleive it at first when they told me. i was angry i thought she was so selfish for doing it i hated her for doing it. i had thought about it a couple years earlier but i didnt. so how dare she? now after […]
I cannont handle this. I am numb and everything hurts. My best friends  mom just broke his laptop on him so now we cant skype. I love that kid so much. My 16th birthdays in 4 days and I think march 1st sounds like a good suicide date. lets see what happens huh? I dont know anymore. my mind screams ” attempt. attempt. attempt. ” and I never have. Theres a first for every thing right? Ill try to OD and see what happens. I cant take this.  why am i suicidal? everything fucking triggers me and I am done.
i can’t even begin to recount the times i’ve tried to kill myself – i started in 2nd grade – i’ve been married nearly 20 years – 4 children –
i’ve been hospitalized twice – once as an adult 2 years a go
i’m not diagnosed as personality disorder – but as i’ve read about it – i’m pretty sure i am – but this total break didn’t come until a family member did the most treacherous betrayal deed that could be done –
i never grieved the horrid act against me – but my child –
that was 6 years a go – and for me – it […]
It’s incredible to think that I have to stop here. But the pain is overwhelming. I am afraid of being alone. Too afraid. I have no family. I was abandoned by my parents when I was 6 and I never saw them again. Right now I have a GF who abuses me psychologically, she is a drug addict who cheats on me and I cannot leave her because I am too scared of being alone. Loneliness is my handicap and I can’t take it anymore. I have no self respect to say NO and way too much resentment towards her to be able to solve […]
Hi all. I’m James from New Jersey. I’m 27, and my younger brother Henry (who was 25) killed himself last year. His suicide brought untold grief into my heart, but after a week or so I re-adjusted my view on his chosen action, as every time I’d think of him, I’d have this sensation of indescribable happiness and peace. And I realised that if he’s happy, then I should be happy for him too.
A few weeks ago I felt I can’t cope with the personal problems in my life, and I started planning my own suicide in earnest. I was going to execute my […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
Dont sit on the sidelines.. its time to Fight back.. Ive always fought back..to prove i wont and dont have to put up with this..last option, Suicide if all else fails… your choice.. and its Always an option.. Keep fighting.. and if it comes to suicide.. then choose wisely..
I act on stage. I’m not that great, and the productions are small & forgettable, but to me each performance means the world. I guess it’s because it’s one of the rare times I get to step out of my miserable existence and pretend I’m someone else. And the audience, however small, validates this “character” I’m pretending to be. After the show I hurry home and resume being my real wretched self, playing to an audience of 0.
I’m sick of it. Sick of living for just those few moments on stage when I’m pretending to be something else, then having to spend days alone with […]
All through out my life I’ve been last. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough for anyone. It doesn’t help that I’ll do whatever anyone asks me to do. I can’t say no. I get beat at school, and when I ask why, they always say ” because someone as ugly as you doesn’t deserve to be treated with respect.” I always hear people talking behind my back, mostly about my weight or my looks. All of my “friends” leave me, saying that I’m too boring, or they can’t be seen with me. Everyday I think of ways to die, there isn’t a […]
Is life even worth living anymore?
I have been trying, struggling against suicidal thoughts. I have been getting help, but it is still not working. I am scared, scared that I won’t live to become a teenager (I am not yet in my teens). I cry and cry and try to tell my friends, but I’m scared of their reactions. I hate myself because I am not strong enough, they are so strong, no matter what happens, they don’t think of suicide. But me? I can’t stop thinking of it. I am scared and hurt and I need help but I am too afraid to […]
f****** right, I just need a really good method. f*** waiting for unfinished business.. any ideas? my plan is to do it before June.. is something I have to do.. not really a choice.. what about catching HIV.. and not taking the meds.. how long would I have to live
Control. That seems to be the only thing I’ve ever wanted, the one thing I’ve never gotten. To feel like I actually have a say-so in what happens next or where I go… to feel like I can contribute something to my life because after all, it is MY life. I have a dad who always made the rules. Even though they were always stupid and illogical and only benefited him, he ALWAYS got the final say so. And it went from being just small things to bigger things. Where I go to college (a college I pay for COMPLETELY on my own, by the […]
I still have nothing.
I have everything that I could ever want, but it means absolutely nothing. No matter how good things get, I still feel empty. I don’t think anyone could ever fill me up all the way; I don’t think it’s possible. I still try to fix myself. We bought an expensive ring, put it on my finger, and I was happy for a month. I tell myself that I’m happy over and over and over again, but it doesn’t change a thing. What if I changed everything? I could call off the wedding, start over again, and… and what? I don’t think I’d […]
I just can’t see the other way out. When I want to go ahead and commit suicide I tell myself I should at least try telling people and seeing if things get better soon. But I don’t see how. How can you bring that up? How do you look your family in the eye and tell them you feel like shit? How do you admit you’re not their good little girl anymore? How do you convince them they haven’t failed, it’s just the way you are? How do you tell them you’ve been hurting for years and they never knew? How do you sit at […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried so hard for so long that i’ve got nothing left in the tank. What’s left for a person at this point? How do I continue to struggle on? Where can I find inspiration in a world that I detest so wholly? Why do i sit here typing in these questions hoping they’ll be magically answered?
Why is it wrong for a person who has gone their whole life caring about others to finally be selfish for once? Even if that selfish act is suicide.
I’ve no desire left to exist, I […]
I’ve been visiting this site for the past few days, and have been wondering why. Why am I here? Why am I reading other peoples’ stories? Do I want to post my story? Do I get some sort of kink out of the misery of others? Do I enjoy other peoples’ pain? Do I hope that I might be able to sympathize or empathize with them? Why? The reason I post this now is because I think I now know.
Is there anyone out there like me?
I’ve been wanting to die for six years now and have attempted suicide seventeen times, but that’s not want I […]