When something goes wrong that you’re involved with, people blame you. You might have nothing to do with it, they might jump to conclusions based on whispers and stunted truths they’ve heard about you, or may have done something so minimal that in any other coneivable situation, no one would really give a fuck. But, you’re the one allegedly caught red handed, or the master of of everyone’s misfortune. As to whether you did tople the first domino or not, you carry the guilt and shame of always being the fuckup. It’s you who questions why you’re so useless or why you cant anything right. […]
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Sun Rise
This morning I watched the sun rise as I have for quite a while now, it’s always the same but yet always different. This one was really special tho for it will be my last, it’s such a beautiful sight it’s like today it rose just for me. Today the sun shines just for me.
Hi, I know it’s still a week away, but Happy Winter Solstice to everyone. I love this day because it’s the day in the northern hemisphere when the days start getting longer. Not by much, mind you, but a little every day. I am planning a party for the night before…. probably will eat too much. I’ve got a bottle of chocolate wine saved just for the occasion. I plan to build a fire in the fire pit out in the back yard and meditate on the solar new year, the darkness I want to discard, and the returning light. I’ll play my drum alone […]
I watched the movie “Castaway” again today. “I am so sad…but I know what I have to do now.”
by isaac
written by isaac
I had forgotten how much that film resonated with me when it first came out; how I cried and cried because of the loss, the tragedy, the helplessness, the irresolute – albeit hopeful – ending. Â The words still resonate with me today, now, even while contemplating my own will to exist:
“…We both had done the math.
Kelly added it all up…and knew she had to let me go.
I added it up, and knew that I’d…I’d lost her…’cause I was never going to get off that island. I was going to die there…totally alone…I mean, I was going to get sick, or get injured or something…
The […]
Why don’t I have the will to make myself not feel this way? Empty and pathetic and miserable.. Too apathetic to do a thing, but still crying for all the idol moments. I have too much time. Left alone with my thoughts too long.. but I wont do a thing to change it. With every attempt the same thought comes to mind. You’re going to commit suicide regardless of what you do,so whats the point? That seems to be my view of everything. Just going to die, no reason to bother. I can’t care. I’m just not able to. Ive even given up pretending to […]