When something goes wrong that you’re involved with, people blame you. You might have nothing to do with it, they might jump to conclusions based on whispers and stunted truths they’ve heard about you, or may have done something so minimal that in any other coneivable situation, no one would really give a fuck. But, you’re the one allegedly caught red handed, or the master of of everyone’s misfortune. As to whether you did tople the first domino or not, you carry the guilt and shame of always being the fuckup. It’s you who questions why you’re so useless or why you cant anything right. You long to be accepted, or at the bare fucking minimum, left alone. Every night comes with the wish of not seeing the sun rise in the hope you won’t have the chance to screw up again, and a dail dose of misery and self loathing is served with breakfast because you know that today shall be nought but a string of failures…all of them supposedly your doing. To be valued by anyone is like chasing a car for you. You’d never catch it, no matter how hard you pursued. Even if you did, you wouldn’t know what to do with it.
Is it so much to ask if we an be recognised for what little good our ravaged hearts and souls manage to expel? Is it outrageous to desire to get something right?
Itd make a world of difference