i didn’t know what love was
I thought it was
Bared breasts
And
Sweat
I just wanted love
So
I didn’t cover myself
I pretended I was asleep
Then I found out
That sex is not love
I’m ashamed
of what my ignorance led to
It led to me
Being dirtied
Tag:
Sweat
It’s 12:01 am. The sweat on my neck causes my hair to stick to the back of my neck. I’m lying in bed. I’m lying to myself. I tell myself that I’m ok. That things will get better. Just give it time. But how much Time? Time is a valuable thing to me. I only have so much of it.
It’s now 12:05 am. I wasted 4 precious minutes typing. 4 minutes ill never get back…
Now it’s 12:10. I’ve been writing for 9 minutes. And yet I feel no better. As a writer shouldn’t this make me happy? If not, at least a tad bit […]
It wasn’t violent, the attempted rape. It was mostly tearful, with me pleading for the man to stop. And sick and disgusting. It smelled gross and dirty. I could smell his sweat, I can still smell his sweat. I will never forget it. I will still remember the scent after he got done, after he realised I want going to let him. I fought in my drunkenness.
He had told me that he wanted to talk to me.
William Triplett was his name. He was an ex of mine, and I had just turned 16, and he was 25. I was desperate to find someone […]
I do not understand, at all, what people enjoy about going out “partying”. It stinks of shit, cigarette smoke, stale alcohol, urine, sweat and garbage, it’s fucking loud, as in so FUCKING loud that you’ll go deaf and you have to scream in each other’s ears to be heard, it’s expensive, a rip off, a con, and you’re supposed to get drunk, and if you don’t drink you’re a fucking loser. And obviously – OBVIOUSLY – I can’t fucking dance so that’s hopeless as well.
And then to ‘cap the night off’ there’s some sort of obligatory purchase of a street food item, usually a fried […]
I survived suicide 3 times. Â I made my first attempt when I was 18. Â It seemed like a logical choice at the time. Â I felt like there was no possibility of recovering from the all consuming pressures and stresses of life. I tried to hang myself with an electrical chord. Â The chord broke, and I woke up minutes later seizing on the ground and vomiting. Â I cleaned up and with my bruised neck I knew there was no way of hiding so I let my family know. Â I was sent to a facility for a bit where they forced me to eat and take drugs. […]
Hopelessness…black like filthy oil rains from darkened skies and gray clouds. My chin pressed to my scarred chest as my hair, dirty blonde acid conceals a marred face. I’ve done my best. A 3 year battle. The mud beneath my feet still warm with fresh blood. Rusted chains bound bloodied hands behind my lashed back and I feel my wrists bleeding. Four heavy steps more and the heat burns more than my skin. I will not look at those ebony gates because I know..the same gates that have claimed my soul since the beginning of the battle. So thirsty, are the gates of Hades. Rising into the sky […]
I felt numb yesterday. Now, I feel shitty, tired, and more useless than ever. I’m going to join the army, get shot or blown up and then that’s it. How will I get through high school though…Â
Sadness creeps into me, cold chills and sweat cover my body. I feel lonely, Jasmine. I love her so much, I don’t want to live without her. People said I have the symptoms of OCD. Possibly, but still, these feelings are as real as a blade cutting into me. (I ain’t a cutter)Â
 I wish she would tell me she wants to take back breaking up with me. She said […]