The guy I thought I loved, well I didn’t love him. That guy I considered my best friend, he wasn’t ever truly my best friend. The relationship I thought I had the one that felt like magic, I didn’t have one it was all an illusion. I had hope, faith, I still fucken believed like some idiot. I still had feelings for him, now that part of me, that hope, those dreams and beliefs are all dead and gone. He cheated on me with her who knows for how long and they are dating. All I can do is laugh because he couldn’t let me […]
Tag:
telling
Cost–benefit analysis (CBA) is a systematic approach to estimating the strengths and weaknesses of alternatives that satisfy transactions, activities or functional requirements for a business. It is a technique that is used to determine options that provide the best approach for the adoption and practice in terms of benefits in labour, time and cost savings etc. The CBA is also defined as a systematic process for calculating and comparing benefits and costs of a project, decision or government policy (hereafter, “project”).
Broadly, CBA has two purposes:
To determine if it is a sound investment/decision (justification/feasibility),
To provide a basis for comparing projects. It involves comparing […]
you say you love me and are gonna come get me as soon as you have your own place… but I’m scared it won’t happen and I miss you and you still don’t have a phone and missing you kills me,makes me wish I were just dead. what if you’re just saying that? all I ever am is hurt. now I have first love telling me he loves me and I’ll always love him but I just need you. I fucking need you
I don’t know what to do right now….
I keep telling my self that i’m not alone because i have friends to talk with but i still feel so alone….
I keep smiling at them tell them jokes show them that i’m happy but i’m really not….
I don’t even know if they really care about me….
I want to be notice but no one would notice me….
I feel like i’m giving up even if I don’t want to….
and sometimes i think “what if i disappear would someone care or search for me?”
and i keep thinking of these negative thoughts….
please help me i don’t […]
Im terrified to go to school because there’s bullies there pushing me, teasing me, telling me to go die…. they dont know that I really want to and i barely sleep at night and refuse to leave my room most days. I trap myself in my room and push anyway anyone that tries to help me. I am on the verge of taking away the privilege of living….
So i had the most terrifying nightmare last night…. I’ll spare you the gory details, but one thing i will say is my dad was the pain mart of it. He kept attacking me, abusing me, both verbally and physically, he was literally torturing me…it was the worst thing i’ve ever experienced dream wise…. And he kept telling me over and over… “Just kill yourself. Just commit suicide. Do it.” Again, and again, and again. And whereas in most dreams/ nightmares i can wake up, this one was a never ending torture. I woke up sweating, shaking uncontrollably, and crying. It was the worst thing […]
I’ve explained it over and over and over again, but I guess I’ll do it again.
I messaged my best friends ex last night, just to talk, and we were all close, and have been through shit. and every time i would say something he’d just say “bye” but after she messaged him, he started being nice to me and talking to me. For some reason it made me feel like complete shit. Like i didn’t matter, until she mattered. I felt worthless. I started crying, and ended up having an anxiety attack.
I was holding that blade so close to my skin, telling myself […]
I’m trying to stay grounded, to not let this silly thing get to me, but I can’t. Writing is the only thing that is keeping me from hurting myself and even then I struggle to find my words. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing, that this guy was a douche or some other name, but I want to know why such a nice guy would say the cruelest thing to me the morning after such an amazing day. I was blind sided I thought things were going well he was sweet and never rude to me until this morning. I want to know what […]
I’m trying so hard to reclaim my mind from self harm. It’s been five days since I last cut. The first two were okay. The third hard after these kids at school were….. Well they were them. The fourth worse. I was at my best friends birthday party when one of our friends invited a guy. (It was supposed to be just eight of us girls) I was okay at first, then he got out of his car. I got a bad feeling. Immediately after he got out of his car. I was scared. I hid. With my friends I stayed the farthest away from […]
“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.’”
I first read this line around 5 years ago in college and I didn’t quite understand it. I was thinking of suicide back then too, but not particularly as a good or comforting thing. Back then, I was afraid of suicide and couldn’t understand why it would be a consolation.
I think that I’m starting to understand this aphorism a lot better now. In my worst days, suicide was the only thing that I had to look forward to. In my only slightly better days, I would go […]
Can I just say, I am so fucking tired of people telling me “if you’re depressed then change it”.
THANK YOU!
That is such a revelation! I’m better now! I had no idea that I was perpetuating my own misery for 26 years of life!
People think they’re helping when all they’re doing is making things worse. I don’t complain at the time because really, I’m thankful for anyone even wanting to help or have a minute amount of care for my well-being but inside I’m screaming.
I know I’m not alone. I know at least one of you out there can identify […]
I didn’t knew my grandpa much. He died when I was 10 in his sleep. He was also depressed. Sometimes I blame him for my sufferings. It could be genetic. Then, he didn’t choose to fall into this pit, so I can’t be mad at him. I think he was a good person. My mother say so.
I’ve been told he was the manager of a sock factory. I’ve been told he survived the holocaust. I’ve been told he has been through a lot. It must have been nice when death greet him that night. Like a big relief. I wonder how’s that. Salvation. I wish […]
I was foolish to think that I could have a happy birthday. In what world would I ever deserve one day where nothing went wrong? One day where I could feel happy and celebrate 21 years of surviving depression, anxiety, and just overall shitty life? No. It would be my last huge milestone birthday that would just take the cake. No pun intended… Happy fucking 21st birthday to me! Complete with family drama, friends telling me I’m a piece of shit, and being spat on for trying to help. I am so sorry world. If I am that much of a disappointment and hassel, I’ll […]
It’s never-ending.
Don’t try and fucking tell me it’s just ‘a phase’, and please, PLEASE, just stop telling me it is going to be okay. I’m sick of your lies. I’m sick of you smiling when I’m covered in numbness. I’m sick of your ‘good morning’s and ‘good evening’s.
I hate you for not accepting me, as I try to do that myself. I hate you for being so naive and stupid. I hate you for believing I will be good again. Face it. Me, depression. It took over, can’t you see ma? can’t you see it’s not your son anymore? Can’t you see I’m someone else? […]
So i didnt cut, but i started. i startd cutting since Thursday the 11th. I made a big cut and deep, but i treated it. Today i have around 20 cuts small but bleedable. On thrursday i also told my mum about the voices ive been hearing in my head telling me to kill myself. She told me that shes going to have to take me to therapy. Im actually happy. First, because ill get help. Honestly i dont want to die, ateast not yet. Second, ill be happy and carefree. Nobody nows about my cuts and the voices in my head only my mum, […]
This is one of those nights where I feel like ish won’t go right…. I tried to keep telling myself things could be worse. But in reality … If it got any worse I just wouldn’t be able to make it…. Tonight I just wanna cry… But the tears don’t mean anything… Because no one cares… I don’t even care anymore… #FML
a few weeks ago
i got into a fight with my sister
it was about telling my friends everything
and how supposedly that was super rude
and one time a friend called me
when i was at a family cabin thing
i went off and talked to her
she was in pain
i talked to her
i comforted her
then my sister said we were leaving
i didn’t hang up on my friend
I cared
i still care about her
and i couldn’t do that to her
when we got into the fight
she said it was rude to talk to my friend
i said that i cared about her so why not
So I finally did it… I finally somehow gathered the courage after almost 10 yrs of torture to make a dr appointment and attempt to somehow see if I’m “fixable”… I’m so afraid. I’m not sure if I have the courage to keep the appointment. My brain keeps spinning telling me thinks like “you’re not worth the help.” “You’re too far gone for anyone to save you” “you don’t deserve to be fixed” .. Then it’s like “maybe you should just say fuck it and try” so I think well maybe I should.. Then I think well maybe if I just answer their questions to […]
Okay, in the past week I’ve run the full spectrum of emotions. From depression, to anxiety, to straight out mania. Right now I’m manic. While I’d rather be manic than depressed. However, rather than those I would rather just feel like myself. Quiet, introverted, shy, but still secure in myself enough to know my worth. Right now I’m everything but that. Excitable, fidgety, talkative, basically sprung as though I’m about to run a 10k. Don’t like this. It’s a trap! I’m telling myself I’m more productive in this state but that’s just a lie. In actuality, nothing gets finished. Everything is left half complete, which […]
I’m so sad all the time… all I want to do is cry, it’s gotten so bad that I can’t control the tears anymore..
What’s wrong with me??? I need help.. but how? I tried telling my mom Im depressed.. but I couldn’t.. because she’ll ignore it and tell me to power through my phase.. I guess that’s what they should end off with at my funeral; she powered through