I’m trying so hard to reclaim my mind from self harm. It’s been five days since I last cut. The first two were okay. The third hard after these kids at school were….. Well they were them. The fourth worse. I was at my best friends birthday party when one of our friends invited a guy. (It was supposed to be just eight of us girls) I was okay at first, then he got out of his car. I got a bad feeling. Immediately after he got out of his car. I was scared. I hid. With my friends I stayed the farthest away from him. One of my friends got a bad vibe from him as well. I tried telling my friend but she didn’t listen. He’s a bad man. I had the urge then. Badly. I’m trying to stay clean for Mary. I think I’m in love with this 5’3 blonde and purple haired bundle of pure fantasticness. Today I went back home after spending two and a half days away from them. They made me feel like shit. Blamed it all on me. They even brought up my being involved in GSA again. It hurt. My fingers are itching to just take the blade in my hand. Just the relief from the cut… I crave it like a drug. I feel like a meth head waiting for her next hit. I want that blade. I crave that cut. I yearn for the relief. My longest time clean is a week. Can I beat that record? Am I strong enough?
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4 comments
You can do it. And you need better friends. But even so, you can get through this. It’s hard, but you can. These troubles are temporary. Things will get better. But you have to work at it. It won’t happen by itself. You have to try, and try with all your might. You can do it.
Listen to me: You ARE strong enough. You are stronger than most of those bastards ever will be, and you can pull through anything. Maybe not alone, but you can. I believe in you, and so do countless others who read your post.
Evilkitten is right. You can do this.
Don’t let others push you into cutting because of their negativity of your sexuality, feel proud inside of who you are because you have every right to enjoy your life as yourself. In your last post you said Mary saw your cuts and knows about your suicide attempt and said she would be rooting for you not to cut again and is there for you. You’re trying to stay clean for her and that sounds like a very good reason to try as hard as you can because she sounds like she’s worth doing it for but also do it for yourself. I hope things work out between you both.