It has come to my realization that I haven’t been engaging with you like I did a few months ago. I apologize for that. But I don’t feel the same anymore. I wish I could say that I’m the same. I wish I could say I’m doing better. But the truth is I don’t know. I have okay days, but then a moment crushes it. And then I just feel terrible. How am I? Honestly I don’t know. I’m sorry.
Tag:
terrible
I was talking in psychology class, someone mentioned suicide being so terrible, asked what I thought. Now why the fuck did she ask me that?
I am 16 and I have been in a phyce ward and i’ve been to C-Star Rehab for drug abuse. Over this past year I have grown to be more and more depressed. I would rather not talk about why because it may piss people off and the other reasons are embarrassing. One reason I don’t want to is my family of course and the other is what happens after death, if after death was purgatory then it wouldn’t matter to me because then all of lives worries would be gone. My last reason would be because I would like to know what the future […]
I want this pain to go away
All I do is feel terrible everyday
Nobody likes me, I know this is true
Everyone hates me, there is not doubt within
I feel as though I’m ready now
To go away
…..for good
I want to be more than what people think I’m going to become. I want exceed expectations. But who am I perspiring to be? Something more than what I am. Something meaningful, and careful yet carless enough to bring more than a strict happiness to those who may surround me. I want and hope for so many things that I’ve lost track of what that track is. And to be honest? I can’t because I am incapable of separating the two at this very moment. The truth and lies that is. Self pitty and feeling sorry for yourself is a terrible habit one can subject […]
i’m probably the worst student ever. this year was going to be my first year in high school, and i was really excited about it. i thought i was going to get straight A’s and make my parents proud. last year, i got good grades, a 3.6 GPA. but i didn’t like it, still. even with a B, for some reason i wanted to go higher. but it’s two days away from the third quarter, and i have three F’s and five missing assignments. this has been happening ever since school started. i hate myself so much because whenever i come home i just go […]
now i know he’s a terrible person, or has a severe mental illness. i can’t decide. and i can’t decide which one is worse. he doesn’t care that he is preventing my from graduating. he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about how terrible he is. I’m selfish? yeah i guess. does he not see how effing selfish he is?! and cruel?! omg. i explained everything in plain english, and nothing. he just keeps saying he hates me and he’s canceling his phone. HE HATES ME?! I HATE ME! I HATE ME BECAUSE IM NOT WORTH DIRT TO HIM. there is no getting through to him […]
Reaching out
Is difficult
Getting help
Is difficult
Why?
You ask.
I don’t know.
I reply.
Sitting there
Just talking
A serious
Solemn talk
Why?
They ask.
I don’t know.
I reply.
Talking about
Things like
My feelings
My thoughts
Why?
He asks.
I don’t know.
I reply.
A silence
A terrible
Tension filled
Dark silence.
Why?
She asks.
I don’t know.
I reply.
They stare
At me
With bewilderment
Surprised faces
Why?
All of them ask.
Because
I reply.
im shivering
im cold
im crying
im broken
im alone
im terrified
im shivering
doors close
radio on
darkness within
no light
pain hurts
hurting now
doors close
feeling lonely
feeling useless
feeling worthless
feeling terrible
feeling hurt
feeling suicidal
feeling lonely
i scream
i yell
i talk
i whisper
i hear
i listen
i scream
within me
within darkness
within pain
within hurt
within loneliness
within brokenness
within me
busy myself
to distract
from the
terrible thoughts
busy myself
to distract
from the
sadness, depression
busy myself
to distract
from the
suicidal thoughts
busy myself
to distract
from the
saddening images
busy myself
to distract
from the
screaming voices
Hi Guys,
It’s day 19… Woo… Ummm sooo… Guess I’m continuing these things?
My day… I had a few panic attacks… Well to be exact two… *sigh* Maybe they’ll get better… Umm… So yeah….
How am I? Physically: Terrible absolutely terrible Mentally: Awful
My physical state… *sigh* I’m sickish… I have a headache, my nose hurts, I may or may not have a fever and I’m really stressed out… So I’m not doing so well in my physical state all I want to do is curl up and cuddle with someone, but alas no one is here to cuddle with […]
I am generally a pretty happy person. But when I am sad, I realize that my whole life feels like it is just full of sadness and pain. I wonder to myself…is that really the way my life is going to be forever? I look back and all I can think is that I am always unhappy. I go around and I generally do a pretty good job of putting a smile on my face and creating an idea in my head that I am happy. But I feel that there is always pain surrounding me. Its terrible, some days I think most days I […]
There’s not a moment where I think about killing myself/committing suicide. I’ve already tried twice, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to drown myself in the tub. The water was just about up to where my head was at. I put my face/wash towel over my face so I couldn’t breath at all. Then I laid back in the water. I started thinking what if I really did just kill myself right here and now? Would anyone care? I’d finally be free of pain and torment. I doubt I’m going to heaven, if it’s even real. I’m an atheist. Just as I […]
The world is an empty abyss. My soul is simply roaming through it, without a purpose. I am a lonely, terrible soul, wandering through this horrific place.
As I lay in my bed, I gaze up at the ceiling, just thinking. Sleep seems to be my only escape from this world…if only I could sleep forever.
Two “poems” that I’ve had as my Facebook status.
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