All I seem to do is fuck up everything… Where do I even start? I don’t know. My head is spinning, and my body aches and if I stand the dizziness will knock me down. I don’t even know what to do with myself. My teachers tell me how I’ll make it far in life, yet I’m unable see it. Once they know I’m suicidal they’ll get the stupid counselor involved and they’ll realize how the weak cowardly freshman will never accomplish anything they once thought she would. People around me can’t keep their mouths shut, they always have something to say. I’m tired of […]
Tag:
thought
So for about three years I’ve always wanted to kill myself, the thought never goes away, I tried everything to get it out of my head but nothing works..I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, feels like I’m locked up in chains
please, how do I get this feeling away, how do I live a happier live witbout the consumption of poisons into my body, I’m lohelp my mind is slowing dying, my soul slowly vanishing, please help.
i was really depressed almost 2 years ago. i would cry my eyes out every evening, and hope that the next cut would end everything. but that didn’t happen. i called that stage “sick” so if i talk about the times i was depressed, i would say:”when i was sick”. so a couple of weeks ago it was a casual morning, when this girl that used to be my best friend but now we both hate each other, came up to me and started yelling. than in class my teacher made me feel like shit, and worthless. i just kept my mouth shut. i actually […]
I’ve thought about it many times, especially those sleepless nights, the drum beating inside the dark recess of my mind.
After the first attempt of 12 pills, then 24 pills, I decided to wake up and attend college both times I woke up from those failures.
I’ve been reading up a lot about Buddhism and about reincarnation or rebirth, and I was wondering and contemplated.
With everything that I’ve been through, and for me to cut my life short thinking that hell would probably be a better place to be in I realized, if I cop out now I’ll probably have to go through this entire experience again, […]
I feel like I am The Only One. The only one that is Truly Alone. I know that is not true… But somehow all my searches for somebody with life circumstances like mine only further validate that I Am Alone And No One Understands. Oh and by the way I am Not A Teenager. I wasn’t a particularly angsty teenager. If I had been one, perhaps I would have been ok now. If I had realized earlier that I might have social anxiety and/or be a HSP (whatever the difference is, I only learned about HSP yesterday) maybe I could have solved this sooner.
I just […]
I hate the way that when someone mentions suicide, people automatically assume they have a mental illness, or are in sone emotional state clouding their judgement. This isn’t always the case, and certainly not for me. I think people find it hard to grasp the concept that human beings aren’t perfect creatures, that every now and then genetics, hormones and the environment come together to make a mistake; an incoherent individual. This might present itself in many ways; dysphoria with your body for instance. Unfortunately we haven’t fully mastered the human body, and there is still plenty that cannot be changed to ensure coherence. do […]
Telling someone they can’t be sad because others have it worse,is like saying someone can’t be happy because others have it better.
I’m just curious why my comments are labeled “awaiting moderation”.
I don’t think I’ve been particularly hostile.
i put a lot of time and thought into some posts, and if they’re never going to be read (because they’re sidelined in the waiting queue), i won’t reply.
Hard to fight,
The urge to cut,
No one cares,
Or so i thought,
Dont give up,
Just yet my dear,
Hold on!
The reason we self-harm, is because we are not able to handle changes
by Engeltje
written by Engeltje
~ The reason we self-harm, is because we are not able to handle changes ~
This is a quote I wrote a few days ago. I was really thinking about a lot of things, when I came to the point I started to realize this. I’ll explain the quote. People self-harm for certain reasons, for example because they are depressed, sad, lonely or mad (but there are many more reasons). But where does this come from? It comes from changes we’re not able to deal with. Like you’re living your life, and you’re happy with that. But at a certain moment your house burns down, that […]
I cannot fathom the thought of love.
There was a moment 2 years ago where I experienced intimate love for the very first time. At that point in time, I felt like I was on top of the world – but, when after almost 7 years, you’re world decides it wants to move on, you are left broken and cold – it all changed.
Although my love towards this individual has only changed from intimate to platonic, it becomes a ride of anxiety-fear-hope-annoyance, because it has been 2 years since we’ve seen each other; 6 months since we’ve emailed each other; I am waiting to hear from […]
I’m glad we’re friends again, but now you just remind me how much I miss being loved. Maybe I’m not glad we’re friends, Â maybe I hate it but I put up with it because I still get to see your smile and your eyes, even though they’re not for me anymore. Every time we hug I want go hold on forever, and it always tears me apart when we part ways. It pains me to even look at you, but I can’t bare the thought of you forgetting about me. I still don’t understand why
You want to be happy, don’t you?…do you?…do I?…perhaps…even then…(Questions for members)
by KIRA
written by KIRA
What if you had a perfect life?.I mean, what if you had the life you want?
Have you ever imagined your little perfect world?.You probably did.
What if you were happy?.I mean, most of the members (including myself) are always complaining about how bad their lives are, would you be able to manage a happy life?
Have you ever thought that unhappiness may suit you better than happiness?
You could have a happy life and feel like a wretch, happiness could drive you mad.
What if you were happy…and then, one day, you start thinking: Is this what I wanted so badly? doesn’t seem too […]
Sorting out my thoughts I guess, really hard to know what is what  anymore, am I just thinking this way cuz im angry or depressed or  is this what I really think. I question every thought i have anymore, I don’t trust myself to make many decisions anymore. Insomnia is kicking my ass . 2-3 hours sleep a day is really getting to me. Soon i will crash an sleep hours an hours. Obessessive thoughts and tourrettes syndrome is starting to get really bad to.
I have nightmares about my boyfriend , in them im trying to escape and hide from him. .. Guess cuz of all the […]
seems like the only thing left for me is tms. anybody out there have this treatment? doing a little research i found the likely cost is between 6k-12k. depending on how many sessions is necessary. my insurance company has to decide whether it will pay. lots of hoops to jump through. my bet is that they won’t pay. the shrink gave me a referral. he seemed rather crabby yesterday. chastise me for not doing my “homework”. i left the office in tears for some reason. my first thought was to go make a “purchase”. the thought is still there. hell it is a lot cheaper […]
Think i am ready to start over per say. I don’t have a medical condition or was i bullied. Only 37 but feel like 90. Just ready to go. My solution to problems and issues was to start alienating everyone in my life. Did not prepare for succeeding. Got what i thought i wanted. Miserable eveyday and not willing to live like this. If there is someone in your life don’t make my mistake. Don’t let pride give you an excuse to shut everyone out. That person may be able to show you a brighter day. Wish i could articulate better. Can’t get out what […]
NOTE:Â This really isn’t a good poem but i thought, i’d share anyway
Where are you?
I’m listening for you
closely and carefully, I watched you
I swore, i wouldn’t let you go
even when you insisted to do so
Hours pass on…
i still cannot find you. please come out and play
remember i told you, there is always a way
why do you hide?
is it because I cry?
or is because I know, you always lie?
The world still spins
make it stop
before I give up on my knee’s
and drop
no more running, come out where i can see
please, i beg of you..do not be […]
i just want to go.
people wont miss me.
the one person i thought
that would miss me
well i just discovered that
in the end they wont miss me
theyll move on
i just want to leave
im numb but in
so much pain
all at the same time
its weird because
i cant feel happiness
i dont remember
how to be happy
what it feels like to
be happy
all i know how to
feel is sad, pained,
and lonely
oh and ignored.
i guess i was right
this world is better off
without me.
isn’t it?
yes it is.
Hi, it’s really hard to bring myself to write this, but I need help. Every time I feel really down or thoughts that I might be depressed come to mind I just ignore it. I don’t really have it, yeah, it will go away. And it does, for about 5 minutes.
And I just feel so weak. I used to think that I was invincible when I was a child, everything was possible. But now, I don’t even have a goal in life. I feel empty on the inside.
I already did everything I wanted to do in life, I think it’s time.
I used […]
For a while, i’ve thought this site might be useful. Sure, some of it can get repetitive, but it’s good for people to hear themselves, and get a candid response, not matter how juvenile. Now, I’m mot so sure.
I know wonder if it is monitored by some victimy-undergratuates looking to validate their projections. I spent a couple of hours last night responding to someone. It was my hope this individual might get a chance to read it when they awoke in their time zone.To me it was genuine and heart felt and did not contain *any* of the heated […]