i was really depressed almost 2 years ago. i would cry my eyes out every evening, and hope that the next cut would end everything. but that didn’t happen. i called that stage “sick” so if i talk about the times i was depressed, i would say:”when i was sick”. so a couple of weeks ago it was a casual morning, when this girl that used to be my best friend but now we both hate each other, came up to me and started yelling. than in class my teacher made me feel like shit, and worthless. i just kept my mouth shut. i actually cried in class and then i heard the group of girls i hate the most laughing about it. since then i would go to sleep every night just hoping not to wake up.
the reason why i was depressed about 2 years ago is that, i had a best friend named caroline, she a twin named vivian. so caroline and me we were actually unbreakable. well i thought. so then a day after my birthday her mom died. and someone just REALLY disliked me and told everyone that i said, the deserved it. which i wouldn’t do. everyone believed it and everyday was hell for me. i didn’t want to go to school, so i would try to kill myself every evening. but as it seemed nobody cared if i wanted to die or not. i was alone. and one day somebody saw my cuts and told everyone. so now i’m a psycho to everyone. i really didn’t have anyone. and the girl that was supposed to be my best friend here name was anna (also the girl that yelled at me a couple weeks ago) turned on me. she told everyone my secrets and, caroline’s friends tried to hack my facebook account. i got really sick. i just felt like i was worthless to everyone. my parents saw my cuts, but they didn’t really seem to care. and thats when i thought it couldn’t get worse, but it did. that night i cried for 3 hours straight, took razor and cut really deep. the blood came extremely fast, and i actually smiled at this moment. i cried because i didn’t want it to be over but at the same time i did. then i ran into the kitchen and just started yelling to help me. i don’t know what came trough my mind. i tried to die, but i didn’t want to. it felt like i lost my demons. my mom helped me clean the wound and put a bandage on it.
i can actually proudly say that i’m a survivor, if this counts. but i’m not proud that i let my demons back in. that was my story.
2 comments
I don’t understand how people can be so heartless and do stuff like that on a whim
It’s completely fucked up and I can’t stand them getting away with it
I’m glad you’re okay
Glad you are all right.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to lose a good friend. I had a friend once, a great one, that for the sake of this post, we’ll call her Sarah. Sarah was wonderfull. My best friend in everyway. She said she would never run.
Anyways, long story short, but I began falling for her, not on purpose, but it just happened. Somehow, the next year, we weren’t as close, and she and I could no longer say we were best friends, I guess.
She has since graduated from high school, and I’m not quite there yet. This being said, she has not spoken once to me directly for over a year. She won’t return my phonecalls, emails, facebook messages, nor will Sarah allow her sister, of which I know, to give me her number.
She said she would never run, and she did. It hurts, but in the end, you realize, the people who will love you, will never go. They will accept you for you, flaws and all.
If you need, you can email,
brl.cents@gmail.com